When I look into your eyes
I see a youthful past
A time once filled with pleasure
Your world of joy
Came crashing down
And revealed what the real world holds
As I watch your fingers tremble
And a tear fall down your face
You take your last breath and I whisper,
“Go on, dear mother
I love you so,
Thoughts like a traffic jam in my mind,
It hurts because I can’t distinguish one from the other,
Racism, Sexism, Lego and Bubbles,
The contrast makes my brain bleed colours,
These colours come together to create an ugly brown,
Confusion and Frustration turns into tears,
Am I real? And if so why?
I want to be a word document to change my font to what feels right,
But I can’t,
There is a baby gate around my mind,
It filers out the thoughts I’m happy to share,
But blocks the instrusive ones,
The ones that make me go crazy,
I have resources but how can I truely get help if I can’t figure out my own head?
Buzzing, Screaming and crying,
There is a part of me screaming, crying to be released from the prison we call conciousness,
The only thing I seem to understand,
It that we mean nothing on this land,
And even though I’m trying to hide,
From the broken kid that screams inside,
See ignorance is bliss,
But i see beauty in pain,
Romanticising my depression,
Brings me nothing but more insanity,
But I kind of like being stuck in this vanity.
gangs GAngs gAnGs,
their tracksuits covered in tan,
the lads all on the seSh,
with their liTtle bags of ***.
Trolleys pushed inland,
Runners tied to electric poles,
Rats in all tHe canS,
They’re going ‘collection’ with holes in their hands.
parnell sTreet they push their pallets,
the pigs are lookin’ round
but the tracksuit brigadE march the pallets,
past the junkies goon’ on the hound.
‘The Big Smoke’ someone said,
‘Is like a little palace’.
‘It’s got aLL the culture and the smoke,’
and ‘Dripping in thE power’.
The mirage of the wind chimes signalled my new beginning.
Ready to surrender but then I heard them and my fate had Changed.
The wind chimes, I could not see them
But their dance with the wind was mesmerising to me.
4 am, the birds alerted it was a new day,
I may have started it grasping at sorrow and fear
but instead I clutched onto a shred of hope.
With desolation comes enlightenment,
and with the wind always follows, a chime.
Perfect family , perfect life , not so perfect mind
Drowning in your own thoughts . you’re trapped , there’s no help for you. Asking for help and turned down, “you’re ungrateful” “you have a perfect life” ” you don’t feel like that” ” you’re doing this for attention” Popping pills like sweets , thoughts piling up like you’re in a room and it’s filling with cement , you’re stuck , no way out.
Beauty is a mistery
Whether if it’s about he or she
The inside is the major thing
It shines and it’s a golden bling
No height, no face, no bodyshape
Can make you perfect, but hey You’re great!
Be confident and love yourself
That’s the thing that’s gonna help.
Covid-19 what have you done
Spoiling all the young people’s fun
Making memories and seeing our friends
Make this stop I want this to end
No concerts, no parties but ‘oh open the school’
If you think this works you must be a fool
Who You Are
Being gay in the 40s was horrendous but that doesn’t mean it’s any better now.
Sure, it’s more accepted in the world as a whole but the home is a different story.
Being gay is living a double life- one where you are out and proud and joke about your gayness, the terms and jokes and names fall easily from your tongue just like butter melting. That is until you are home,
Until you can’t mention a gay celebrity without a lecture,
Until you can’t be yourself without an argument,
Until you can’t say your partner’s new name without someone storming out of the room.
Saying you’re gay or questioning or bisexual or anything isn’t putting yourself in a box. It’s testing something out like a new t shirt. It’s not the be all and all and it won’t ruin your life.
But what might ruin your life is dancing around the truth- hiding you you are as an instinct instead of simply introducing yourself. You learn to act a certain way to slip by until you have secured the area, prepared the drop zone only to say you’re slightly different than others. It’s not even that important unless you’re looking for a date.
It’s not easy to stand still
And just listen to all the words we never said
Being quiet can be hard
Just say what’s on your mind
As if we wouldn’t get judged
We’re all thinking things
That we never talk about
Because we’re afraid
That they’ll laugh.
Oh where do i start,
you were the most
eventful time of my life.
and long days at the beach,
there are too many memories
i will have to keep
You said that I didn’t listen but I don’t understand
You tell me to read a simple word but I don’t understand
You tell me to fix my handwriting but I don’t understand
I don’t understand what you are telling me
For years I thought I was weird but there was
like a bright light shining the answer for me this hole time
I could finally understand I could understand now
I’m not weird I’m special in my own unique way
He glanced at me
and it felt
As if the wind had
danced upon my skin
But as time passes by
something will end
for something to begin
A small Town
I live in a small town,
But I see so much more than this,
I don’t want this to be my whole world,
But it’s the only place my world exists,
One day I want to make my world so much greater,
Than this small town I grew up in,
There’s so much more for me
than this place I have to live in.
Anxiety, what is anxiety? Depression, what is depression?
Some people in this society say anxiety is just being stressed and depression is just being sad.
This is incorrect.
With anxiety, you overthink every little thing, how you talk, how you walk, what people think of you etc.
With depression , it is a struggle to do stuff people don’t need effort for like taking a shower and even getting up out of bed.
As soon as COVID hit ireland, you hear everyday how many deaths there were because of COVID.
But, suicide deaths are now higher than covid deaths and you never hear about them.
MENTAL HEALTH IS IMPORTANT!!
Check in on people, and be kind, because you don’t know what they are going through
You have been playing the game forever,
Well for as long as you can remember.
When you hold your first stick,
To marking a prick.
The rush of crowd,
But dear lord they’re loud.
When you lift the trophy up high,
Jesus that’s year flighed.
The winter to rest,
For next year you’ll be the best.
suicide blonde is defined on urban dictionary
as ‘a woman whose hair is bleached blonde
due to coloring treatments from peroxide in a bottle.
She has to maintain the bleaching periodically
but her darker hair roots may be prominent anyway.
The term “suicide blonde” is a play on “dyed/died by her own hand”‘
i’ve been blonde for a while now,
so long that many of my friends don’t remember my natural hair color
until the roots come through and i have to reach for the bottle again
They say it suits me
so i keep doing it and neglect the damage it causes
making the natural curls fall out
i am the ideal,blue eyed blonde now
when i first asked to dye my hair my mam said it would be fine
so long as i didn’t become a suicide blonde
i’m sorry mam.
Autumn is here
So please be near,
The leaves are falling,
And the snow is soon calling
Hats and scarves should be worn,
New animals are now being born.
Walking down the dull hallway
I wanted to turn around and get away
It wasn’t even first class
Yet I was wishing for the last
Waiting to hear that bell
And then we’d all say our fair wells
Until the next day where we’d have to repeat
And do it again next week.
Under One Sun
Politics, corruption, human rights.
Being called a terrorist for daring to fight.
Peaceful protests won’t see the light
So looting’s what they do at night.
All lives can’t matter until we act like black ones do.
No matter what you or I feel is true,
We can’t be equal under one sun if we are separated by our tone, a badge and a gun.
People being turned against each other for the melanin in their skin.
If change is to happen, now is when we begin.
People saying that school is boring
That they contemplated not coming in this morning.
But the pressure constantly lurks,
Drowning in a sea of stress and work.
Despite the good grades gotten from every PowerPoint presentation
There is a remaining presence of doubt and hesitation.
So when I finish school I will not know who I am
Because I was too busy wondering about that maths exam.
Social media it’s a toxic place
Girls with makeup battered all over their face
Setting standards so so high
Your beautiful just the way you are there’s no need to modify
Be confident in your own skin
Don’t let those models absorb your confidence and win
Sticks and Loans
Broken homes don’t come from
hurling sticks or stones,
they come from the words that hurt like hell.
and take out loans
and take out loans,
its all about the money.
Scream and shout,
Im the odd one out
in a world thats all but sunny.
Climate change has created endless range,
I know this news is very strange,
So why is it at the bottom of our list of problems?
When what we have to do is solve them,
The world is falling apart,
And we’re not doing anything to start.
Unfollow Your Dreams
They say “be who you want, follow your dreams”
Then they will tell us,
Dont do that, work harder, be smarter,
Study more, you wont get anywhere
They say “you can trust me” but you tell them one thing and they judge you,
“Some people have it worse”,they say
“Get over it, have fun, your only a teenager once”
They say, but when we relax,
When we enjoy ourselves, party, drink, and take drugs
To get our mind off all the stress in our life
“Your ruining yourself” they say
“You wont get anywhere in life acting like that”
Then wonder, why their teenagers wont talk to them,
Wont do things with them,
“Because you dont understand” we say,
You don’t understand.
At the age of 13
I was funerable,
He took advantage of it
but never touched my sister,
There never was questions asked
and no one ever understood,
All the times i stood up for him
just for him to gain my trust,
i should have listened to the victims before me
but as i said i was funerable.
I don’t like my school,
It’s just a bunch of know-it-all’s who think they’re cool,
Girls packing too much makeup on their face,
Telling me I look a disgrace?
They really think they’re the best thing since sliced bread,
They make you feel miserable, just because they’re insecure about themselves.
I can see why they are, they’ve got some ugly hearts.
first days are always fun arent they,
the day where u think they will stay,
well its been 4 years now wow why do i miss him,
is it from the memories thats around me,
what was the reason i broke up with why would i do this to myself,
oh wait i don’t remember,
is it because if how my enormous brain keeps making this boy a boy number 2,
with all the fun times we had creating this boy a dream boy,
but no i don’t remember,
oh how he would talk about other girls with the pretty curls,
nor how u used me from when you just wanted head,
i should’ve kept my eyes more ahead,
When we first meet you made me smile
I was able to be myself around you
I felt free for a while
As our friendship grew
New people arrived
I started to lose you
but I needed you to survive
I set you free
And again it was only me.
This society gives me anxiety
People judge so quick
If your different at all good luck
Where every disapproving word kills us
And we begin to believe it
But that won’t phase me
Because I am who I am
And if you don’t like it
I don’t really care
She was the one who gave me that blister,
i told her no but i knew she was a persister,
i didn’t want her to go for the summer,
if she wasn’t at home it would be such a bummer,
but a day later we got in a fight,
i told her to get out of my sight,
she left for summer the next day,
i realised the next time id see her is so far away,
i didn’t realise how much id miss her,
i’m excited to see my older sister.
A deep breath,
A deep Smokey breath,
The beautiful darkness filling my lungs,
Streaming through my blood,
Into my head,
The thirst so dense so dry,
The crisp cold water quenching the desert,
Intense cold empty hunger,
I fill it,
The beautiful sweet flavors so incredible,
Sleep comes quickly,
Spinning into a deep dark sleep.
Every morning I wake up
Thinking that yesterday is just the past
So I go up to school and smile up
Trying to be enthusiast
But in my head is just a blow-up
She walked along the drive
Wondering what went wrong
Why was she alive
Where did she belong
People come and go
That was now clear
How was she to know
She’d now be full of fear
He is my guardian angel
He saved me even when I couldn’t
He is the reason of my happiness
Without him I’m lost
I can’t imagine if one day he leaves my life
Because he is my life.
A Quiet Place
Empty and hollow
No one can follow
All over the place
fallen from my grace
my feelings I hide
The dreams I can’t find
Door Slams Shut
Woke to the slam of a door
I cropped out and seen her on the bathroom floor
Tears streaming down her face
I stood there face-to-face
It was the middle of the week
She sunk into her thoughts, unable to speak
The phone light blinded my eyes
That showed a text saying her grandfather dies
The Oval Ball
The best sport is rugby
It will leave you proper muddy
From training every week and every year
Don’t forget to bring your gear
Match this weekend I’m determined to win
It’s the fastest I’ve ever been
I got the ball and headed straight
Unfortunately I didn’t know my faith
Where I got bashed and hit the ground
And left my ankle hanging around
With tears and pain the ambulance came
To rapidly bring me to a&e
Few months later I got back on my feet
And this year I’m won’t be a defeat
There I was on the plane,
Leaving my friends caused me pain,
Driving through the rain,
With so much stuck in my brain,
Pulled in down the lane,
Where I finally seen my friend, Lorraine