Presentation of Anxiety
writing’s the easy part
structure, vocabulary, grammar
your pen is a paint brush
your writing’s a piece of art
the dread starts closing in
september 4th is coming soon
the day you must be judged
the day you must come in
you beg your teacher with your eyes
“please, i feel nervous”
she has already made up her mind
to your peace you’ve said your goodbyes
september 4th has arrived
your name keeps coming closer
like a prison being sentenced to death
15 years you have survived
as your name is called out
your stomach sinks down to the oceans
you look out at everyone
you can’t open your mouth
your body feels tense
you feel your hands shaking
every stutter is graded
your teachers words stop making sense
once the torment has ended
you hear people say
“it wasn’t that bad”
those bittersweet words
Another Day
For one more day, the things I’d do
To have at least one memory of you
More than just pictures, stories or cards
To think of you and say, that’s my dad.
I’d have a story to tell or something to say,
When the inevitable question finally came,
“What does your dad do?” “What’s he like?”
I wish I could tell you, but I suppose that’s life
And although I’m reminded of how much worse it could be
I’d do anything at all to still have you here with me.
Normal
I don’t like a lot of stuff
I’m not always happy
But that’s normal
Is that how it’s meant to be?
Sports helps me to relax
I’ve grown up like that
Since the age of 2 I’ve been kicking a ball
Smashing the sliothar against the wall.
It helps me to deal with stress
I am in my own world
I am comfortable, my mind is empty
This is my life.
The sounds of war
They are so near but sound so far
You walk in a daze
Through a bullet-riddled maze
They whizz past you
Some may hit you
You act like you’re okay
But really they all make you sway
The funny thing is they’re not really bullets
They’re the words of the bullies
Knock Knock
A knock on the door,
And in the principal pops.
He calls for my name,
And my heart instantly drops.
My mind is racing.
What did I do?
There’s no point in wondering.
I’ll find out soon…
Dots
ink blotches across my skin,
i look at him i want 2 sin,
look at me darling,
connect the dots,
i like u my love i like u a lot.
with tears streaming down my face,
the memories i try so hard 2 erase,
u say u don’t want me,
and that’s ok
but i wish u won’t walk away.
Death or glory
Is what was sung to him as he took it and the room began to spin.
And as he fell through the earth he thought to himself about which himself he was tonight but quietened himself for talking shite.
Quiet but it was illegal to feel pride in an illegitimate state designed from the ground up to put you down.
As you were hounded round the town without ever hearing wolf whistles but you slept in a bed of thistles.
He began to bleed colour and felt grey on the inside but his inside was already uninspired.
At number 27 he met Ian Curtis and Kurt Cobain who said he’d lost control again.
And with all the colours gone he thought of songs he would like hear again.
He was lost in the supermarket once again crying out for attention but when he cried out no one heard.
But I hear you.
Day after day after day it’s the same thing
Wake up school home eat bed
That’s one thing I’ve found so hard after lockdown
Actually being a human again in the human world
Sound absolutely mental, but I’ve learned more and become a better person during the lockdown,
I brought myself to be a better person physically and mentally as an individual
Making myself learn what really mattered int the world rather than algebra or what happens for an earthquake to take place because in the reality of everything that’s just plain bullshit,
Now becoming a human again in what people call real life I’ve seemed to have left that person behind me and can’t find a way to find her again and that’s really frustrating so I continue on how I have before
Wake up school eat bed
And that isn’t how I want to live my life that’s just passing through life not living it
It may take me months maybe even years until I’m out of school and progressing in life in what I have such a big interest in to really find that individual I did during the lockdown but I won’t stop until I am that individual again and not waiting for life and time to pass by me
I will find her
I fractured my back
I was told I could never play sport again, waited 6 months had an injection but surgery was the only option. On the flat of my back scrolling through my phone looking at others achieving my goal, never thought I’d do the same . I was at my lowest point. Battled on and stayed strong set myself a goal. I defeated the odds went back to sport it was my goal that drove me on. Now I’m sitting here typing this nearly one year on.
Boring Town
This boring town is not for me
Nothing to do
Not much to see
Bring me somewhere far away and let me try new things each day
Earn some money, own a dog and hopefully have my dream job
Anywhere but here will do
Can I bring my friends too?
Arabesque
Wake up school home eat bed
Wake up school home dancing eat bed
Wake up school home eat training bed
Wake up school home eat dancing bed
Wake up school home training dancing eat bed
That is my week
That is what life is now for me
It’s a never ending cycle
I’ve lost who I was as a human during lockdown
I was so proud of the person I became
I was an individual who went for runs, looked after what I ate did workouts and most of all was so close with my family
Lockdown life was nearly better than the life I’m currently living
I’ve lost that life I had been living
I was my own person, knowing what mattered and what was going on in the world not some shitty algebra or what earthquakes were
I felt as if I was an adult
I loved my life and I felt as I had passed my life before
I’m finding it so hard to become normal again
I’ve lost myself and who I was
I just
Wake up school home eat bed
Wake up school home dancing eat bed
Wake up school home eat traning bed
Wake up school home eat dancing bed
Wake up school home training dancing bed
It’s a never ending cycle of waiting for time to pass
Thoughts in my Mind
From when I was young,
to where I am now
I’ve always had questions about how just how.
How the world was made, how we got here,
always thinking with a little bit of fear.
Fear of the power, fear of the pain,
fear of all that went into the creation of rain.
But I’ve now realised to appreciate every year,
I have left to live on this beautiful sphere.
Mass Production
Geography, Maths- what’s the point?
Should be doing stuff that I actually enjoy
Why does this stuff matter?
It’s not even useful
I suffer everyday because I’m a pupil
Should be talking life and how to have an opinion
Getting judged everyday because I dare to be human
Leave me alone I just wanna be me
What’s so hard for you to see?
What do you want me to be?
The Loop
A thing about depression
is it kind of collapses time .
Suddenly you find your whole days
blending together to create
one endless and suffocating loop .
So you find yourself trying to remember
the things that made you happy.
But slowly your brain begins to erase
every memory that brought joy.
Blow a Kiss
Give you this give you that
Blow a kiss take it back
If I look inside your brain
You would find lots of things clothes shoes diamond rings
Stuff that’s driving me insane
I want, I want, I want
That’s crazy
I want I want I want
That’s not me
Stubs
It felt unreal
My fingers glided across the keys
I didn’t have to even think, my fingers played
My nails, polished and pretty
So perfect
So unlike me
He held out his hand and said “let’s go”
I grabbed his hand and my fingers fitted into his like a glove,
So perfect
So unlikely
“We’re going to the river” he said with a smile
A river? None came to mind
I hated the water
So imperfect
So like me
“Just through this door” he said and I stopped
Aluminium huge taunting me
I took a step through the door and turned for him to follow
Bang
Everything went dark, my eyes shot open
I looked down at the four stubs where my fingers should be and cried a whimper as I turned in my bed
Four months,
And I still couldn’t accept that that was me
Bad Code Error
The pain I feel inside is indescribable.
The messages from my head are unreliable
I feel overwhelmed by the simplest of challenges
The anxiety I feel is consuming how I manage it
Each class end is a milestone, each day finished is an accomplishment.
The thoughts that consume my mind are more detrimental than any word.
I feel as though I can hide it well, and envy those who don’t dwell.
One’s mind is more aware than words, and their feelings fill the atmosphere.
Overcome by feelings and overwhelmed by thoughts, I look forward to the day when those thoughts are lost.
Sensitive
Why are people so judgmental
Let others be. All our feelings are gentle
We try so hard to fit in to a spot
That we forget who we are and try to be someone we are not
This age isn’t easy when your self conscious
But others make it worse putting so much pressure on us
I wish others would just stop and think how they would like it
Instead they just all jump on the bandwagon to hurt that poor persons feelings they just want to bite it.
Luckily I’m not one who has to deal with this abuse
I want to stand up but it is no use
It puts it on me which makes the problem worse
Soon I say to myself let time takes its course
They will mature but the person is damaged
Their opinion of them self must be managed
They must say to them selves that they are beautiful
How they respond to the hate is what makes them beautiful.
Crying all night
To depression it ain’t right
I’m up I’m alright
Go into school with a big happy face
Only to need my own fuckin space
So many friends but few there to listen
I wish you were here so you could see me glisten
But instead your not you left me all alone
I hope you can see me up there on your thrown
Broken
A connected family to a broken family
in the shortest amount of time,
Drugs ruined everything that I used to call mine,
A loving family of five to a broken family of four,
I never thought at 11 I’d have to knock on my brother’s door.
All I wanted was my family back,
And my family back is what I got,
But the addiction to the crack,
Could have ruined the whole lot.
Blind
They see money, they see wealth,
they don’t see struggle, or a lack of health,
they hear stories, they hear rumours,
they don’t hear pain, or discovered tumours.
People see appearance and quickly think well off,
they’d don’t see a hard working woman
and a world she could have easily fell off.
Rugby
Rugby what a game its rough,
its hard it’s the toughest sport on earth
life is hard thats whate good
about life it’s hard but enjoy it
it’s the best years of your life
sport sports should stand for greatest
and the most exciting time of your life
drink it in man come on the banner county.
Fallen Crown
Walk through town
Like your wearing a crown
The hobos around
always bring you down
They call you a slag
The dirty old hags
At least I’m not a drunk
Who’s life’s just sunk
What Matters
From sipping cans on the cliff of lah to winning against a close rival.
Hitting a score over from the 65 or stepping up on a rugby pitch.
The feeling of winning and the feeling of being with your mates is undesirable.
The laughs and chats with those who you enjoy being around.
The times you make yourself proud on the pitch you forget about all your problems.
The times you laugh till you can’t breathe and the times you never wish you were anywhere else.
The times you will never forget
Mr Insomnia
Thinking of him keeps me up at night,
His eyes shine, so beautiful and bright.
When i see him, i go bright red,
He’s the only person that’s in my head.
Do i have a chance, i think,
My heart drops as soon as he winks.
I really like you, more than anyone else,
When i see you my heart melts.
You’re charming, polite and super kind,
You’re the only person in my mind.
But do i have a chance, i think again,
I’m a 4…but you’re a ten.
Roslevan
I came from the ends of Roslevan,
This place was far from heaven,
Grew up with not a penny to my name
U had to be tough to be able to stay in the game,
Fight for every piece of food that you get,
I did many things now that I live to regret,
Cheff means something other than the guy who cooks food,
You get beat up if the ring leader was in a shit mood,
Life was tough, rough and full of crime,
I didn’t know my life was good enough to be able to rhyme.
Some people think that pressure is bad.
I agree pressure is difficult to handle at the best of times its meant to be like that. But my opinion on it is work hard enough to get you in the situation where you have pressure. Say for sport work hard enough to get to the final. School work hard enough to feel the pressure before your exams. That’s when you know you have worked hard for something. Want to be in a pressure situation. A
Keep Walking
Head down, keep walking
Hood up, never talking
I listen to music as I go
The same thing hail rain or snow
Constant repetition
It never changes
Confidence never
Anxiety always
I live in a place where:
. Equality is no such thing
. White men are kings at everything
. Women are used and then left behind
. Not one person seems to mind
. Small kids are raped
. There lives are shaped
. And not one person seems to mind
Shoulders
Their shoulders are heavy with the weight of world.
The pressure weighs them down.
The expectations of the world suffocates them.
The world is crumbling around them and they are expected to continue as normal.
But they are told that that is life and they must live it.
There is no other option.
I May Not Be
Of all the lads on the team
I may not Be the tallest
Of all the voices on the pitch
Mine may not be the loudest
But I can almost catch a high ball
If I stand on my toes
And soon my word might change the game
So you’d better listen up
The Dark Side
I come a rough area of ennis
And my only friend was a man named dennis
The area was as rough as a bears arse
All the same the drugs are a farce
And now as I say I don’t do drugs
But I’m this it’s full of mugs
I’ve had to work everything I own and that’s a a tough job in itself
You’ll be harder to find it tougher.
Sport is life.
Where would we be without sport
Drinking our sorrows away
By the court
Because it is special
And brings us together,
Whatever the weathe
The Town
I play Hurling for The Town
When im down
I go outside to play the game
To improve for the next day
I eat healthy
To be stealthy
To win my place with my rage
To be on the top stage.
A Road Nearby
I come from a place not to far from here
Where the birds fly high and trees grow tall.
I live in a house down a narrow road
beside a man who’s lives at the end of the road
And when I come home I greet him with joy
as he is a lonely man who is ready to cry.
I wave him goodbye as I walk away
and we’ll meet again someday
The Game
It’s all just a big game,
People telling you you’re a disgrace if you mitch,
My mam letting me know if i do bad in school in stupid and i’m lame,
Every opposition player trying to kick me on the football pitch,
I try please everyone else,
but never myself.
Strong
I don’t know what to write about
Cause every time I write I doubt
If what I write is any good
What ever I write flops with a thud
Now I’m just waiting for the bell
To bring end to this bit of hell
Oh lunch, please don’t be long
For these ten minutes I’ll try stay strong
It Could Be Worse
I’m from a cornocopia of racism and homophobia
but it could be worse,
I could be lying dead in a hearse
and my mother’s tears fall into her purse
while she speaks through her tears
saying he was too young to die
but it’s the mountain of lies
that kill thousands of young people a year
but it could be worse
Okay?
Its that feeling
when no one understands you,
Trying to explain
but no body bothers to listen
And when they do all you get is an-
its gonna be okay”,
but it isn’t.
The Point
You go to school to get laughed at for doing homework,
Teachers telling you your best isnt good enough,
People making fun of you for not going out on the “sesh” on the weekend
But teachers tell you all you can do is your best
And when you do your best it’s never good enough
So what is the point of school.
This Is Not Disney
From a young age you learn
that your friends and family love you
Your parent say they will love each other
till death do us part but now a days
I have learned that love is a word said but people don’t mean
Some you call your friend the next day you don’t know them
There is a saying I saw recently
it says happy ending don’t exist
because we are not in Disney
My name is Zac
I like to rap
Only kidding I’m bad at rap
I like to play soccer
I hate the town
When we win the league
We will get the crown
And they will frown
Frown
I like hurling and football
and I hate the town
and at the end of the day we will get the crown
in football
I hate ennistymon
and they
will get a frown