How Could They Forget
The church forbid anyone from ever saying “the G word”
Yet whenever i leave the grounds all i hear is
“That’s so ”
People talking about horrible things that they dislike
And say it’s ”
I don’t think they understand
They don’t understand the fighting that’s been going on
The years of fighting between the law and ”
Trying to earn a sliver of rights or respect or even the chance to marry who they love
They’re shamed every day by people who only walk by them on the street
Throwing around the word faggot likes it’s something to laugh at
Have they forgotten about that too
Where that word came from
Because from what i remember if two men loved each other
They’d be stuck together like a fag and burned over a fire.
I’ve been cowering in corners
Scared to emerge in case anyone disagrees
What am i
Why do people shame it so much
Is something wrong with me
I just want to love who i want
Without shame or guilt
I don’t think the word will ever accept me
The “G word”
I’ve been taught it was so bad my whole life
But how could they forget
Gay used to be another word
For happy
Sunset
I sit by the sea watching the sunset,
Feeling sad, unsure and a bit of regret,
From two nights before when I fought with my friend
Now feeling like the friendship has come to an end
I’ve tried to reach out but got no reply
All of this fighting from one little lie
I’ve learnt my lesson, I’ve been punished enough
Not having my friend is pretty tough
The Future
Worrying all time,
Spent nights awake
What will my future look like
Thinking to myself,
Concerned about making choices
Defining your tomorrow place
Mistaken or correct
Wondering what would be best.
Friendships
Been best friends for many years,
But drifted apart when boys appeared
Only comes when wants your help
Inviting to places hoping I say no
Acting upset and persuading me
But only wanted to be nice and ask
So from now on, this won’t carry on
As wants the point of being there
When only needed
And not wanted.
So don’t call me your best friend
When really I’m just someone
To be there when no one else is there
Them
They make you feel like your words are magnetic
Like everything you say is sacred scripture
The only things they care to memorise
They make you think that sunlight shines from their fingertips
That they are the superhero that would tie a lasso around the moon
The second you say the word
Just because they know you love the way it shines.
They’re not perfect, and they know that,
They make you cry until your face feels like it’s stuffed with cotton wool
But you know you could never hate them
Them with their stupid sheepish smile that reminds you of iced coffee early on a summer morning
Them with their big eyes, filled with golden sparks like the fireworks on New Years Day
They are just them, and you are just you,
But somehow, no other way would ever do
Rose Tinted Glasses
Through rose tinted glasses my friends see me
Through my sparkly eyes that light with apparent happiness
The glazed eyes that tears don’t come out from
The white teeth that never fail to smile
They hide from the world
Nobody hears me
Nobody believes the true pain in my bones
The pain in my mind that’s incomprehensible
It’s hormones they say
It’s life they say
Everyone feels like this they say
If this is normal emotion
Life is truly abnormal
The Careworn
I am the careworn
Clouds are the only thing filling my ears
I am still in the same nightmare even though I am awake
Happy is the name of the mask I am wearing but it can’t be taken off
Is satisfying people all about having a weak character
When can I be freed from all the melancholy
I am sure God created me free why am I still searching for freedom?
Would deafness be my salvation
Only God knows the solutions.
Extracurricular
I threw myself into everything
Any sport
And extracurricular
anything to distract myself from my own self hatred
I catch sliotars from the sky
Get A’s in exams
All for what
I still feel empty,
I still feel broken
Anything I do,
Will never be enough
For my biggest critic
Myself.
Distractions are key
Stop me thinking about my fears and insecurities
What You Said
Hurting at night trying to hold onto the thoughts of all those time you screwed with my head
Just trying to go to sleep and forget about how it hurt and what you said
Told to be happy and smile when really I feel as I’m about to capsize
And all I’m asking is for you to look into my eyes,
See the rage, the cage I have trapped myself in because of the thoughts
While I’m trying to connect the dots , figuring out what’s wrong with me
And I open my eyes and realise it was she who hurt me ,
Shredded me up and spat me out
Not caring about me and doing it for the clout
Making other believe the lies she spread
A year later and it’s still messing with my head
What you said .
Life Itself
I want to jump and squeal and flail my arms about
Yell in people’s faces
‘We are alive! we are here! dance with me!’
I love when this feeling comes
Everything is so interesting and beautiful, everyone deserves a smile and
Knowing that humans have the capacity to feel this much
Gives me so much hope
Hope is half of happiness, isn’t it
Because how can we take joy from the present
When there is something dark
Looming over us
But now there is no something dark
There is the sun, and the sea, and
That seagull!! see how it flies
My eyes are filled with my entire soul
Trying to pass some of my sunshine onto strangers walking by
Maybe it’s worked
I hope it has.
So when my features in time turn heavy with sorrow
And I re-enter the cloud
I can just remember that I am life itself, and I have felt it,
That is no small thing
Unsure
Looking through a window
But I’m on the wrong side of it
Seeing people
Them seeing me
But the communication is blurred
The glass is foggy
I can never understand
Always unsure
Identity Lost
Scared to talk or express opinion for fear of being judged or ridiculed
Forced to look and act a particular way
I feel like a puppet on strings
Trapped under stereotypes
Controlled and led by peers and the media
All sense of identity lost deep within me
I don’t know who I am anymore
Hockey
Stick to the ball as I run down the pitch let’s hope I don’t fall.
I feel my feet hit the Astro the ball better not hit off my toe.
I hear my team mates “pass the ball” but in other ways I can’t hear them at all,
There’s too many things floating around my mind it’s like my brain has a coating.
Information , skills it doesn’t stop.
I hope we come out of this match on top
Safe for a Smile
We are worried and concerned and expecting hope
Waiting and wondering when this will go
We are sick and tired of being alone
Wanting to see our family keeping our distance while
Being safe but just wanting to see a smile
We often think will this ever come to an end
Or will this virus continue to take up our time
And get back to normal and live our lives
In Between
Too young to be treated as an adult yet too old to be a child
Stuck in between as a teen. The joys of childhood in the past
Struggles of adulthood coming fast
It’s hard not to feel like you’re drowning
People around you are downing drink just trying to keep a float.
I want to go back to when times were simpler
When I was blind to the pain with so much knowledge to gain
I want to go back.
The Group-Chat
I sit with them everyday hearing them say we don’t want you in our group chat.
As I sit there in silence having nothing to say ,
I sit there and wonder why .
What’s the difference in hanging out everyday to just pressing a button saying add to group .
They don’t want me in their group,
Wonders through my mind everyday but yet I want to stay .
Walk away . Let’s just say it’s better off that way .
Sports
Doing sports is the key
To be a perfect thing
It is good if you don’t broke your knee
And it’s better if you are the king
You will be the healthiest practicing any of this
Try to climb
Cause you can’t resists
Have fun and enjoy your time
Making this different things
A Spell
We are under a spell,
We are conformers,
We are constantly on rewind,
We are anonymous, robots