There’s a certain stillness to an empty room
A blank, yet peaceful abyss, full of opportunity
Awaiting someone to walk inside and grant it purpose
There’s a certain stillness to time too
Delicate, yet stealthy as it creeps up, taking back what once it gave
The room, susceptible to time, has been given and stripped of many personalities
Each one, of its own intricate disposition
Each one, an unconscious reflection of its owner
How horrible it is,
To unleash a thought
And to be met with silence.
The awkward shifting,
The side glances,
And the rosey blush
That spreads across your cheeks.
How horrible it it,
For someone to clear their throat
And change the subject.
But while everyone moves on;
You sit and question why
you even bothered to come.
They’re talking about the weather,
Or maybe sports,
Or maybe work.
And you groan internally,
Because that’s all people ever talk about.
How horrible it is to unleash a thought –
An abstract wonder,
An unique observation,
And to be met with silence –
With a small cough,
With a small nod.
People talk too much,
But they say so little.
How unfair it is
To be brave enough
To unleash your thoughts,
And to be met with a silence so dense
It suffocates your throat,
And makes your eyes water.
If I have ever responded with
Because even though words are strong
I think that silence
Hurts even more.
I Wake Up And…
Look in the mirror and see my skin,
I pull, tug, shape, mould, suck, relax.
I give up and pull on a baggy grey hoodie,
I can never win.
Scroll on social media and suddenly I’ve gained 10 pounds,
I feel so unworthy and alone.
Click on someone’s profile and see their face,
Now the spots have grown.
I wish I could wear whatever I wanted,
Be who I am and not want to change.
Trying to keep up with trends, weight, style
None of it makes sense and I don’t have the energy.
I need self confidence but from myself,
Not from the validation of likes and comments from people I don’t know
I yearn for the safety of self love and not giving a f*ck
But the grasps of the internet have me tightly held.
Tomorrow I’ll start again.
Drawing the blinds
Flicking the switch
Plugging in the phone
The cold side of the pillow on top of my hand
A sudden rush of adrenaline reaching as far as the bone
Anticipation for the future
Imagination for what my life could become
With that comes perturbation
Perhaps my dream are too high,
With my success being unable to reach the sky
And the thought of living a life indifferent could become my biggest lie
Would it be better to live on the sidelines
Or to take that jump,
Cross to the edge
Make that difference, or stay behind instead
My dreams are big
But is the fear of not succeeding holding me back from that one big gig
Shameful tears run down my face
As I come to the conclusion that my life’s journey has already been laid out in front of me
And that I am nothing but ordinary
They’re only appearances,
When one thing’s in, another’s out.
We fall into a sea of doubt.
Straight or curly?
Long or short?
Petit or curvy?
Sometimes we can’t control these,
Sometimes we don’t want these.
But embrace your uniqueness.
It is anything but a weakness.
Know that the things that matter
Come from within.
Know your worth,
Breathe and begin.
I can’t breathe, can’t think
Don’t want to live
I had friends, a life, a personality
Everything is going down
Will we ever go up?
Feeling like I’m gonna drown
Lockdown, Lockdown three, four, how many more?
The world is a mess,
I am the product,
I paint the faces of the forgotten,
The world moved on too fast,
Time moves and no one matters.
We kill ourselves slowly,
Loving people who hate us,
Staying up too late,
Drinking too much coffee,
We kill ourselves by existing.
Whatever happens the world will never change,
Mountains will not flatten with your death,
Nor will they rise with your birth,
The wind won’t blow with your sigh,
Nor will it cease with you inhale.
We are but cells, doomed and blessed with existence,
But we take what we can get.
There is Something about Being Sixteen
There is something
So scary about
About exams and expectations.
About having outgrown childhood,
But being too small for adulthood.
When everything is ending
But you can’t touch any beginnings.
Everything is the end of the world
Or might as well be.
There is something
So innocent about
About first loves and
About bubblegum pink
And breath mints.
There is something
About being sixteen.
About feeling like you could
Hold the whole world
In your hands
And eat it raw.
About being able to
Touch the sky,
Tender and bashful.
Or burn it down.
When this is all over, I’m going to wake up
Wake up to the beauty of what our planet should be,
Free from all pollution, plastic and polar bear extinction
Wake up to a judgmental-free world,
Where anyone can be anyone without anyone’s unwanted opinions
Wake up to the vulnerable venturing out into the past death zone
Which was known as crowds and hearing the ground thump
As speakers try to overtake the noise of passionate fans
Wake up to a place that is being pushed further into a dream
Problem free world
If you are confident, you’re just cocky
If you are smart, you’re a show off
If you don’t smile enough, you’re cold
If you are shy, you’re boring
If you are friendly, you’re a flirt
If you ask for something, you’re demanding
If you work hard, you’re a bad mother
If you are independent, you’re controlling
If you are adventurous, you’re naïve
It’s time to take a stand ladies, be proud of yourself
Claim back the words on the left
They were created for women as well
Boys and Girls
Boys can like pink
Girls can like blue
Is up to you
When someone’s happy
Let them be them
Let boys be women
Let girls be men
“That’s so gay”
Is what you say
You’ve pushed one
Of your friends away
Don’t push loved ones away
With things you do or say
Because words hurt
But they hurt most
From the mouths of
The people that told you,
They’d always love you.
School Books Piling up on the Floor
Laptop on, microphone off.
“Sit up straight”
“Why are you late?”
Missing assignments piling up.
You work, work, work, keep your head down, sit up straight, we’re just kids for god sake!
They say this is the time to work not play,
But how can I work starring at a white screen when all I see is black
The shoes she wears were dinners uneaten
She starves to stay trending but still feeling beaten
Her body seen as petite but really she’s really skin and bone
Therefore she’s put on a throne so beautiful and pretty
The media and society breaking her down
But she feels more powerful with the acceptance
The acceptance is all she needs that’s all she says
Until she is left with nothing more than
Dinners uneaten and always feeling beaten
I search for representation
Of my people throughout history,
Women loving women have lived important lives
Since Eve and Lilith.
But my search for community falls on my shoulders,
Because my history has been destroyed.
My limited skills with Google
Are better than what i learned
In one CSPE class two years ago.
Because no one wants to talk about
Such an uncomfortable topic,
The Lesbian Avengers, Underground Bars, butch and femme identities,
Feminism and intersectionality,
As a queer woman i must educate myself,
Because my history isn’t important enough
To be mentioned anywhere
That isn’t a Queer Specific space.
Until the Virus Came
Life was great until the virus came
People finding it hard to just stay sane
People breaking the rules out in the good weather
Yet they always say we’re in this together
Heartbreaking deaths, loved ones lost
Not wearing a mask and this is the cost
Staying at home, locked up, alone
With nothing to do except stare at a phone
Trying to work, with noise in the back
While the numbers increase, we’ve gone completely off track
We have to stay positive, that’s what they say
Hugs will be legal again one day
It soon will be gone, well that is our aim
Life was great until the virus came
When Love Comes Calling
Love comes calling when you least expect it,
It captures you in an embrace so tight,
You feel as though you will never
It can feel like nothing and everything,
Writhing in equal pleasure and pain,
It can leave you as quickly as it
Stealing the breath from your lungs
With a final kiss.
An everlasting goodbye.
I want to dance
Not contemporary, jazz or ballet
I want to dance like no one is watching
Until I’m too hot and I can’t breathe
I want to dance where no one knows my name
My story or where I come from
A place where no one has any judgements
Where I feel happy
I want to dance wearing what I want to wear
And not be told I’m too basic or trying to hard
Without the dirty looks, comments and remarks
I want to dance not because I can or I have talent
I want to dance for me
Corona virus, oh where to begin,
What was told would be a two week thing,
Well here we are, a full year later,
With drastic changes to our behavior,
She has taken things, we once all loved,
And a society was born where everyone is judged,
We are teenagers who are practically locked up,
On a positive, at least I got a quarantine pup,
The things I miss, I don’t think will ever be the same,
Like hugs from my grandparents that I always used to claim,
It’s been a year since I have seen them,
And my joy is not the same,
I wait for the day I can see them,
And be reunited once again,
I would kill to play a match, alongside my dear team,
Which have been with me through this all, even in my dreams,
The day I step onto the pitch, and put my talent in display,
Will be the day I find myself again, and all will be okay.
I Like to Think I am Something without My Glasses
I like to think I am something
Without my glasses.
That I can get by with just
The shallow sight that I have.
But whenever I take them off —
Or… well… lose them —
And march around proudly
Determined to use
The shallow sight that I have,
I find myself — ouch! — bumping into people,
And mistaking one face for another
(which is pretty awkward),
My co-ordination is loose
And clumsy, and I must
Return to the conclusion
That I am nothing without my glasses.
I come from smiles and laughter I like to say.
But some of these smiles that rest upon my face,
Lift my cheeks and squint my eyes are just there
To hide the endless emotion I feel on the inside.
Some of the laughs and giggles that fill my face aren’t real
But just a noise I choose to make.
To fill the empty space within the conversations
I’m too tired to continue to take.
As the fake crackle laugh comes out,
I wonder if they know it’s fake.
But I continue to smile and laugh
When I don’t find it funny or am feeling sad
Because I’d rather walk around with a smile on my face
To blend in within the crowd of the same
Than to walk with a frown and be asked why are you so down.
I question I ask myself each day.
We are have access to things, more than ever before.
We are isolated and alone,
Not knowing when we’ll be released from this constant shade.
We have more challenges than anyone has ever had to deal with.
We have more than we can ever appreciate or cherish.
The sun will shine
Folks will hug
And sip on wine
While children play
With no 2 meter line
And all is fine
The orange is orange
With yellow spots
Got two belly buttons
Bottom and top.
He lives in the fruit bowl
Beside the apple and pear
Because I love to meet him
I’ll always find him there
Outside he can be bitter
Inside he’s just juicy and sweet
But most of all
I can’t deny
He’s such a pleasure to eat
Snakes & Ladders
On the go
With american news channels
Crashing out the latest statistics
Could slip —