Boy Blue
Little Boy Blue come blow your horn,
Your soft sky blue fur is dirty and worn.
Your plastic black eyes that once used to shine
Are old and scratched and covered in grime.
Though some may say you are well past your prime,
You still bring me joy, weather morning or bedtime.
You went on adventures with all of your bros
Saving the day like Indiana Jones.
Riding along my windowsill on a little toy house,
A girl by your side, a dolly of course.
Even though many years have gone by,
You have been here all of the time.
You will never find another bear like mine,
Any child would love him, he’s simply divine.
Why Me?
I’ve always wondered why I was born this way,
With a neurodivergent brain.
Hidden from my disorder for so long
Unknowingly on the spectrum, I was lost.
It wasn’t till I was 12 when I found it out
Found out why I was weird and what it was about,
To this day, I still struggle with it
I just can never seem to fit.
Speak too much and emotions wild,
People think it’s okay to treat me like a child!
They say “Just force yourself to control emotions and speech, it’ll be alright,”
It’s not that bloody easy to win that fight!
It’s hard, stupidly so,
I can never win, I’m just alone.
I feel so lost, I feel like I’m not enough,
But I’m still going, even though I’m not that tough.
So if I drive people away, that’s fine.
Not everyone appreciates me for fighting what is inside.
But hey, at least I have friends!
People I want to stick with till the end.
Forgive my rambles, for I can fixate
On certain topics, work myself into a state.
But in the end, so long as education on Autism improves and I am heard,
People will be less ignorant, and that will be the reward.
I’m still down about it though, I just want to be free
From this mental disorder that I still ask myself
Why me?
Decode yourself
they say too white, not white enough
they tell me to decide where I’m from like I have to have a preference of one
they say I have a perfect life and I have nothing to be mad about
they tell me the blood that I bleed is the same as everyone
If I am the same why do I feel alone
four blows of sniff to make me feel like I have a home
I don’t belong anywhere, no real friends or family to show me I am enough
I must stride this world with guilt beacsue I don’t know how to decode myself,
smoking zoots all the way but still never feel nuh,
I’m numb inside and out and I will nvr feel like enough
At home my mum and dad are still together,
they always say I love you but never taught me how to love
It feels like I bleed dry just to try and be myself
Who even am I?
I don’t know myself and everyone’s telling me I have to choose and make decisions but what if I just want to try and decode my self
Dumb
My first sip was at the sea
My first pull was beside the trees
My first shift was with a good looking feen
My first sniff was after tea
None of these things define me
All of them surprised me
Maybe in a year or two
I’ll relies that I was a fool.
I sit in my room
Thinking about life
Why is it like this
I want to cry
My mom comes in asks if I’m ok
I say I want to cry
Why is life so hard
I wonder why I feel like this
I know it could be worse but
I want to cry
My Hood
Where I live I would compare to a urban neighbourhood in North America,
without the guns.
There is a whole community of different
Races, genders, communities, groups and all.
Sometimes I hate my neighbours because of how loud they are at night
Or even how rude and annoying they are, especially to my family
But they can actually be quite nice and very funny.
I would say my neighbourhood is filled more with travellers and black people.
Maybe because we are so called one of the “minorities” so you wouldn’t see much of them in huge houses out in the countryside.
I don’t know, maybe.
Even though my neighbourhood can be loud and annoying, there are good parts about it;
It’s a whole community; we help each other out, borrow items from each other without feeling ashamed, greet each other on the streets, even
in our pyjamas, I don’t do that though
Make a group of friends who you can
Relate to and have fun with.
All that fun stuff.
Going back home I take the bus and there is
A bus full of black people especially and some whites
Anytime we get off, you would see a whole
Group of black girls and boys walking down
The street, vibing, laughing talking and
The people in the cars staring, looking intimidated,
But honestly, I don’t care. I actually even like it.
This is just a random conversation between me,
Myself and I or even you.
That’s just a section of my life, there’s more, obviously but I won’t say it here, maybe next time
Have a good day anyways…
Sanctuary
The stars were my sanctuary as a young child,
I’d look up at the stars and talk for hours,
About wanting to be famous or marry Harry Styles,
Or maybe just sitting and listening to sounds,
Of a breeze brushing branches against one another,
Sometimes I’d get so bored I’d listen to the silence,
I was so enthralled by the stars as I thought,
That when people died they’d shine and keep watch,
Of all of their loved once keeping us safe,
Knowing that one day we’ll all meet again.
Drowning
The swimming has just gotten too much
I wanted to quit but didn’t know how
I talked and talked with people about it
But they would just say,
“Don’t quit you’ll regret it”
I wanted to quit for good three years
And always wondered what it would be
I never knew any different than it
Early mornings, late nights, swimming everyday
And no time for myself.
When I walk alone,
And see a man nearby
I get scared
and wish there was someone by.
I never knew why
I don’t understood why
Fumes
We’re just huffing fumes
Behind walls and woods,
Hiding from them
Because they knew we would
Hide out here and poison our lungs
We’re just huffing fumes
Because we can’t stop
Because it became our comfort
The only thing to stay
Was the want, the need
The addiction we’d cave to
The addiction we’d crave too
The saddest part
The maddest part
Was that it was our only way
To stay together and spend time together
Throughout these tiresome days.
i got stung by bee
it hurt like getting hit by a tree
the thing i like
is cycling a bike
i don’t like bats
or rats
and that’s that
and i have a cat
i don’t like dogs
they smell like a bog
natalie is weird
but she doesn’t have a beard
Different
We are all different in different ways
But we are all similar in our every day
Some are able to sing
Some are able to write
We all come together to put up a fight
We hate different things but some love them
We all came from the same place so we are equal
At It
Back at it again.
The shouting,
has me redoubting
That they were ever ‘okay’ in the first place.
I tried to persuade,
Ardent emotions I conveyed,
And still she said I was wrong.
She said he would change.
She guilted me knowing of my fragility,
Forgetting to hide her desperate hostility.
Intoxicated with these lethal propositions,
He had her believing that I was in fact,
the only opposition.
I love you.
But you were wrong mom,
and I was right,
you should’ve known that before your desperate plight.
Everyday
We come to school everyday
We learn and don’t play
The only good thing today
Is our friends and how we spent the day. 🙂
As a child
I remember looking up at the stars wondering how they got there.
I began to question life as I got older because
I was isolated and ignored by my peers .
I would wonder why my mother would always tell me you are here for a reason.
I later understood that God put me on this earth for a purpose
and that I am important to him just like everybody else.
Then I realised the stars were there for a purpose
and I was like those stars too.
To the boy who broke my heart
to the boy who broke my heart
i feel like this pain will never go away
i feel like i’ll never be ok
to the boy that broke my heart
You were my best friend
It was always meant to be me and you un be till the end
To the boy who broke my heart
I loved you
And the worst bit is that you knew
To the boy who broke my heart
Was it all for nothing all the lies the make ups and the late night face times
All the I’m sorrys it won’t happen again and the “it’s fines”
To the boy that broke my heart
You broke me.
Run down walls
To the spacious halls
Nearly everyone has sinned
From your Jc being binned
To being shamed for not being thin
This poem makes no sense
From little to no pence
Cuz’ in our heads we are all dense
Cobwebs
Feeling down for all the guilt
you have caused yourself,
Everyone makes mistakes that’s what you say,
but not what you believe to think in your mind.
You feel like ton of bricks is weighing you down!
Can’t get over the bad things you’ve done
to become a better person.
You feel no one will forget
that will keep judging you for past mistakes.
But you keep going anyways, why?
Something inside you is keeping you going, that’s why.
You don’t need validation from anyone
you just need to keep doing
to keep doing what you do.
Shut Up
Sometimes I wished they’d shut up
I wish that they could look back on all the stuff they said,
They’ll never know how much it had hurt me
She was the reason I wasn’t moving to Italy,
She was the reason I didn’t want to leave this country where I couldn’t be me,
She’s changed now
She’s now into stuff that she’d make fun of me for,
She’s now judging me for not being like I was, even though she molded me into what I am, pulled me apart and left me there,
She thinks she’s some Alpha bitch but I know myself she’s no just as weak as me, but I couldn’t tell her that,
I can’t let her go,
This is my fault and I have to take responsibility,
But I’m too exhausted to,
I know she’s the reason I can’t grow,
They’re the reason I can’t grow,
She complains she has it hard but I know that she’s just sitting in that middle class home and keeps shouting at her mom like a maid,
I can’t wait until she comes down from her cheap ass internal throne and decides to join me with ‘finding ourselves’,
Because I can’t let her go,
One day I’ll cut these strings,
Just not now,
Cracked Mirror
Theres nothing that important to know my life is sad and messed up
but i know people have it worse so i never complain
i put a smile on to avoid people asking me questions on how i am.
people know me as helping everyone out always happy but really
im not i suffer from depression and anxiety
had to get help for hurting myself multiple times
but would never cry to my parents asking for help
id suck it up and get over and remember people do have things worse
so i be thankful i have both parents a house and food
and i am thankful but everything is not what it seems
u see someone happy u think their life is great when in reality its not