My Father
“Doctor, how long has he got?”
I sit and wonder what sort of sickness has to the power to make a grown man cry.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t quite answer that”. The doctor half smiles.
Fear takes it’s unwanted place in my mind.
The worst pain is the unknown.
Time begins to make my father deteriorate,
A once jovial, struggling to even smile now.
My heart breaks. He doesn’t deserve this, but from what I’ve heard, death doesn’t discriminate.
I still wait for an answer, unsure of what the future has concocted.
The pain, as impenetrable as ever.
My thoughts writhe around inside my head, like some sort of degenerate rollercoaster.
Fear begins to consume me, bit by bit.
I reminisce about our memories, as I’m unsure of when he will be gone.
Fear
Everyday I look in the mirror and all I can see is fear,
Fear of not being liked,
Fear of speaking up,
Fear of being laughed at,
People stopping, staring, judging
I show no care but, inside it’s crushing.
We’ve all been taught to ignore,
And we’ve all been reassured
That everything is fine.
We say that we are ok, and continue with our day.
But really we are screaming, hoping, wondering will anyone care?
People have gotten so good at lying,
It’s kind of scary.
People don’t know how to show how they feel anymore,
Because they’re scared of what people will say
They put on a smile and act like everything’s fine,
When really they could be crying deep down inside.
The world is a dangerous place,
But would it hurt, just to ask,
Are you sure you’re ok?
A Long Line of Women
I come from a long line of women,
Most of them now lay up in heaven
Everyday it makes me stronger,
Thinking about my mam who is no longer
I build myself up with the intention to do her proud,
But the feelings of doubt and rage get too loud
I have courage and I have hopes
I just wish there was someone to help with the ropes
Ropes that are too heavy to hold alone
When my heart shatters like a brittle bone
So I stop as my tears soak my bed linen
Keeping my head up because I come from a long line of women
The Anger
The anger I hold
Almost never told
For the world dying
Around me,
I feel like crying
For the future
Looking further and further
Muter as the
Water that shall rise
Seeks to quiet
Our lives and
Of minds
Till all that is left
Is a small quite world
Drifting alone in the void
Wednesday
What happened on Wednesday,
I wonder what went wrong
How are we all hypocrites,
To things that we see ruin and what we all see unfold.
To drugs that made my friends fall and worry.
Because they decided to withhold their pain until they go grey and old
Where their children will finally hold their hand instead of those evil bags,
And they lay there defeated by the substance
On a bed of white, cold.
And now we’re here
On a park bench waiting
To repeat that cycle
And wonder, why we’re here?
What went wrong in our heads?
To lead us to Wednesday,
Because straightaway I feel people shouldn’t need this getaway.
But I do.
And they do too.
My Head
Standing there head spinning
Chest rising, awareness thinning
Watching people pass
While I collapse
Vision blurring, scary thoughts reoccurring
Fighting back this attack
Breath slowing, heart relaxing
Returning as if nothing happened
Slowly waiting for the next
Wrongs and Rights
Wrongs and rights
Lies damn lies and statistics
We will never fix this
Instead of uniting, we divided
And our problems seem to multiply
We are two heads of the same body
But just because I don’t fit into your box you don’t want me
Why do you focus on dividing?
Instead of uniting
Focused on being so right that you’re wrong
Saying men don’t have to be strong
But then sitting back and watch along
As he slaves away for her majesty
As if she were the queen of Hong Kong
This doesn’t give men the right to be rude
Cause objectifying women is so crude
If you want respect, earn it
And if you think that’s okay then learn it
We need to show no tolerance to discrimination
Across every single nation
I think it’s quite funny you know
The amount of hypocrisy you show
Saying you want equality
And then bash the other half for
What some 200 year old man done
Are you kidding me?
If only you were a little bit more sympathetic for the situation
You better understand the discrimination
But you keep living in your black and white world
And I’ll do what’s right
Even if I stand alone
Life is not Perfect
Life is not all about happiest
Life is not straightforward
There are many setbacks
Life is not perfect no one is
It is ok not be ok
Teenager years are so hard
I hate it but I love it at the same time
Life is only getting started
Life is hard being dyslexic
Because it is hard to express my feeling
This might be a bad poem
But I don’t care
Caged
Stuck in the cage of seemingly everlasting capture
Behind the bars of bacterial nightmare
Nothing to do
Nowhere to run to
Boredom overtaking the air
When will the key of safety
Free us from the entrapment?
Today
We’re in lockdown,
We can’t leave our house,
Constantly overthinking and always with doubts.
Worried, anxious and the fear of the unknown,
That disquieted feeling of being alone.
Hours spent on a screen doing schoolwork,
Being overworked.
For what they say?
For you and you only,
Today is the day!
Online school
Two weeks off,
Yes, I can’t wait,
Nearly a year later and it’s not so great,
What was suppose to be a break just to be sure,
Turned into something much much more,
I sit here thinking when will it end,
While I watch my school work try and send,
I never wanted to go to school,
But keeping me home now feels cruel.
What a Shame
When can we stop shaming and blaming the lives of those who have not stopped caring
Growing up in a world where everything about them is up for discussion
No one ever thinks about the mental repercussions
When we overthink and worry about how we are viewed,
It is not without reason when our actions are always up for review
Why do we think that this can go on,
How can we allow these ideas to spawn and respawn
My Life
My life right now is stuck inside,
Feels like i’m being forced to hide,
Cycling to the pitch to play,
Cos theres nothing else in my 5k.
I’m up at 7 to train at half past,
Feels like im living at half mast,
Working out just like a freak,
For county minor 6 times a week.
Cant wait for summer and all it brings,
Go out and dance and laugh and sing,
Loads of nights out soon to be,
Heaps of craic and zero sleep.
And until then were still in quarantine,
But we have our health and that’s all we need.
The Weight
I feel the weight on me
Is it weight of missing assignments?
Or the weight of trying to be someone I’m not?
Maybe the weight of trying to smart or trying to be a good friend?
But when will this weight leave
When will I finally be able to lose it?
What if I have already lost it?
But the voice inside my head is telling me it’s still there
I can get out of bed
But I have Zoom at nine
“Just get up and you’ll be fine”
Says my mother
But she doesn’t know I can’t
It’s the weight
The weight of my cat sitting on me
Lockdown
We’re in lockdown
We can’t leave our house,
Constantly overthinking and always with doubts.
Worried, anxious and the fear of the unknown,
That disquieted feeling of being alone.
Hours spent on a screen doing schoolwork,
Being overworked,
For what they say?
For you and you only,
Today is the day.
All This Stuff
I got all this stuff I’m tryna say,
But I keep inside all day,
I know the lads gonna judge,
So I don’t have the budge.
I keep my thoughts at a low,
But I let my feeling come and go,
I like to go forward in stride,
Though I’m heavy on the inside.
The Wall
Each summer day we climb the wall
We walk the streets and we see them all
We mess about, you can see us fall
Each summer day we climb the wall
Each summer day we climb the wall
We ran about, we run the halls
We mess about we kick the ball
Each summer day we climb the wall
Each summer day we climb the wall
We stroll about but it must haul
I mess about on my way home to bawl
Each summer night I never get a call…
How
How to begin
How to begin
Why not just make a din
Life is like pottery
You’re the potter or the clay
Sitting in class to sounds of
Wha hey
Beating and bullies
And uniform blue
May not mean anything to you
But to me they were school
And done by lads who thought themselves cool
The authority conceded
And never impeded
On what fun there was to be had
By punching the English Lad
Fresh Spring Morning
Fresh Spring morning,
I sit outside the same like everyday,
New-born lambs jumping round,
But some just hide out of the way.
To them I am this great big giant,
They shouldn’t be scared of me,
To them I should be the beauty of Nature,
To them I am the tree.
Lockdown
We just want to be free
We want to be at the beach in the sea
I would love to see my friends
And spend time with them
But instead we spend all our time
Spending money online shopping
Not for Me
Lock down isn’t for me,
I’d rather be at me friends drinking tea,
Online school isn’t for me,
I’d rather be out and free.
Staying inside isn’t for me,
I’d rather be where it is sunny,
Level 5 isn’t for me,
I think you have to agree.
Covid-19 please go away,
You are putting me in array,
When you finally go away,
We’ll all go hooray
Speed
All the noise starts at the turn of a key
Like a beast that is angry and about to be free
With a foot off the clutch and a push on the pedal
The monster is loose a wild beast of metal
As the machine speeds up and the tension rises
Brain just focused from any surprises
For some it is deviant for some causes grief
But for this young driver a sense of relief
Stuck Inside
No matches to go no place to have fun
No friends to see no teachers to see teach
Stuck inside all alone
I might send you a letter and things might get better
Days
Days are tough
No matches
No fun on the weekends
No interaction with the crowds and the players
But glad to be here
The cycling goalkeeper is here.
Brings a smile to my face
But not when they got no bloody ketchup
Beating Cleves in the countdown is a must.
Thank you so much
Long live the cycling gk
Yellows yellows yellows.