If You
If you were a blade of grass
I would explore the earth for you.
If you were a tree
I would seek out every leaf until I found you.
If you were a flame
I would fly to the sun for you.
If you were a drop of water
I would scour the sea for you.
But if you were a star
I would never search for I would always see you,
Because you are the brightest star to me
My dear
Memories
I glance over at the darkening horizon,
Drowning in love and longing for the old days.
The sunset, the vibrant colours reminding me of
The times we once sat together watching the sunset.
Where did the time go
Why couldn’t we have had longer together
But in the end when you lose someone
You cant turn back time or change the past,
Even though the pain of them is like drowning in an ocean of darkness.
You can cherish the memories and remember the past.
The Feeling
Love is powered into our brains,
Love is forever we proclaim,
This feeling of love
Excites our miserable minds,
But some types of love
Cannot be denied
This feeling of love
Rushes through our bodies like a charge,
A notification of just your name,
Smile as I urge not to text you too fast,
Rebellious I become for you my love ,
Just how I’d love it to last.
This feeling of love
Comes and goes for you,
Your notification becomes less frequent,
The sunrise rises as my deep dark love for you
Fades.
This feeling of love
I felt for you my dear,
Will always be a memory,
Hoping someday my sunrise will become my sunset
And you can be my charming
Once again.
When We Leave
I remember clearly the moment that we met,
Every word that was said and every moment that was made,
The way you made my smile and stare at you for a while,
All the ways you made me feel it felt so real,
I love to hear you laugh my handsome other half,
With you is where I belong, I know it, I feel it so strong,
Deep inside is the cry of my heart, I never want us to part,
And when we leave, we leave together in love
Waterfalls
Her eyes glisten so beautifully in the sun.
Watering with the waterfalls of emotion
Spilling out of her eyes.
I shouldn’t find it beautiful but how could I not.
Her sparkling eyes struggling to stay open
from the tears weighing down her lashes.
All of these emotions coming from her,
Confiding in me.
Telling me things she´d never told anyone.
She is beautiful in her vulnerability .
The fact she shares the most vulnerable piece of her with me,
Like a dog sharing its bone.
Thats why i find beauty in her tear-soaked eyes.
Because of the bond between us it represents.
That she felt safe with me
Breathe
The crunch of feet on the damp sand,
Lungs caught on fire from the air filling you
Your head overflowing and exploding from your troubles on land,
Thinking you’ll never be good enough for things you want to pursue.
Moonlight illuminates the mass of water,
Eyes start to glaze, trembling hands feeling you might be pulled under
Your mind begging for the demons to be slaughtered,
Salt attaches to skin and you hear the thunder.
Crash of waves, calms the spirit,
´´I can get through this time I know it´´
Darkness transforms to light and you set the limit,
Moving and inhaling, a smile spreads and the energy is emitted.
Home
If home is where the heart is,
Then my heart is nomadic.
Wandering freely and grasping to whatever feels right.
If home is where the heart is,
Then i fear to be homeless.
For a life with no love
Is a life full of regrets.
If home is where the heart is
Then my home is with you
When They
When they look at me I blush
When they smile at me I flush
When they talk to me I rush
When they leave me it’s tough
When they hold my hand
I squeeze tighter
When they say my name
I feel lighter
When they smile at someone new
I feel like they knew
That when we were together
It was never going to be forever
Mold
To them your an angel,
This delicate soul,
A heart made of pure gold,
But that’s just the mold.
The mold is much deeper,
Rotten and green.
The longer you leave it,
The harder to clean.
On the outside your harmless,
But your toxins can kill,
But in my case,
They make me mentally ill.
You start on the surface,
And let yourself in,
Without invitation,
Through the cracks in my skin.
Will I
What will my mother think,
When she hears her little girl
Isn’t the same girl as the one she raised,
When she hears her little girl,
Is up at all hours of the night,
Debating if its wrong or right,
If its in my head,
These thoughts i dread
Do i stay and hide,
Or embrace my pride,
Agree to love myself,
Will i stand in the sun,
Be open and free,
Or keep in the shade
And stay away,
Have others love me,
But hate myself in every way,
So in the end,
The real question is,
Do i hide and hate myself,
Or do i be open and out
But have others hate me instead
Wishing
As the stars come out each night
I wonder if they know
She is out there wishing,
Somewhere down below.
I wonder if they answer ?
Or if they merely stutter?
He then begins to mutter,
How much he truly loves her.
Sometimes
Sometimes we fall for the wrong ones ,
The ones who hurt us ,
Intentionally or not.
Sometimes the ones that hurt us most ,
Are the ones that struggle to express their love for us.
Sometimes we fall for the ones that can’t help but show love through pain.
However if they love you ,
They will know to let you go.
They will not wish the pain they cause on you.
They hope for you to leave.
First
I’m sitting on our bench
The one where a piece of me left
I don’t come often
But it makes me think did you ever care ?
I gave you my all, Saturdays spent baking cakes and sweet treats
Standing in cold , and my first kiss
I love you but I wish we never met
Her
It was 11:34 I wore my new necklace today
Curled my hair
Used my strawberry perfume
Wore my flower print dress
All so he would some what notice me
Think of me every time he ate a strawberry
Just so i could hold eye contact with him
For those few seconds ass he passes me down the corridor
But he wasn’t there
My heart sank
My effort was for nothing?
But i see you
You’re there
But then i see her
Her beautiful blond hair
Her bright blue eyes
Her soft voice
Her sent
Her
Just her
I guess it will always be her
Them
They ask “are you okay”
You smile and nod “yea I’m fine” you laugh it off
But still they hurt you and ask “are you ok?”
For a second your thoughts run through your head
Every word they say creeps into your brain but still you say “yea I’m ok”
You express yourself let go and have fun
But they say “your so loud and annoying”
Your heart sinks into a hole you become quite and upset and still they ask “are you ok?”
You nod “yea I’m grand” and we laugh it off.
When It’s Night
I have nothing to write
I have gone through no fight
I have a happy home
I have friends, I’m not alone
But when it’s night
And the stars shine bright
My eyes are shut tight
Tears flow despite my might
I have my friends
I’ll have them until the end
But at times I wish they’d hate me
So I don’t have to be me.
Neurodivergence
One day you have friends next day not so much
All because they are scared of what that would mean about them,
When all it means is that you are different but, a good different.
Not stupid but a different type of smart
But creative
One word with a bad history but a bright future.
Come Find Me
Why do we say we’re fine ?
Why must we lie,
It must be a fault of human kind
To not understand your own mind
Do you not trust me
I am truly am being as kind as i possible can be
When you are ready
Please come find me
As very few, can love you the way i do.
Life
I feel like life’s going by so fast
Without a breath to take it all in
Or the time to accomplish anything
Everything feels like a blur
I’m enjoying the moment then ill think
Tomorrow i wont even remember a joke
Or even the scenery i was surrounded in’
Paranoid thoughts fill my brain
Drowning me in everything
Everything feels like a joke i wasn’t there for
Knowing so much more than i could ever comprehend
Needing the guidance that isn’t there
Dreams
I wandered down the road looking up at the sky
wondering what it would be like to fly
Over the town, over the people
Zipping through the sky
I wish i could fly, i wish i was free
And have no worries to be me.
One day ill fly and be free
I’ll keep dreaming because as they always say dreams come true
Disguises
The point of this poem is never to make you feel bad,
But to rather open your eyes and let this message be heard;
We all go through things of many different shapes and sizes,
Yet still we as humans will be the first to point out something bad about someone else.
As a collective I think we can agree that we are amazing at using disguises,
To pack away the feeling we have hid behind a mask.
So next time you say something…remember that everyone goes through things
Dysphoria
Eyelashes like cold metal bars
If eyes are the window to the soul mine are clouded and cracked
I could escape , make it better
I could rip the flesh from my chest and hips
I could carve into my face
But I will never be cured of this curse
I will remain in the cold damp prison of my mind and the hideous sack of flesh that is my body
I will never break the shackles that bind me
But I could learn to live with it, love it even,
Just as I could do with myself
Little Things
I hate that I remember
the little things
but nothing is there
when I try to think of more
millions of memories gone
as if a year and a half erased itself
it’s like I was never there
but I remember
just the little things
like when you picked me up
by the waist so secure
as if protecting me from the world
like when you showed up
outside my house at 4am
and my heart racing
I realized you’d do anything to see me
like when we saw frozen 2
like little kids
the only two teenagers in the cinema
we laughed about
how stupid of an idea love was to anna
but when I try to think of more of those days
it all blurs out
like my mind decided
it wasn’t good enough to see anymore
sometimes I want to see
just to remember
how much I really loved you
the ‘unlovable’ boy
nobody understood you like I did
nobody saw the good in you like I did
nobody trusted you like I did
and you threw it all away
I wish you kept your promises
but it was so much more complicated than everyone knew
it hurt more than my heart could take
I never left the house after that
for months I just sat there in bed
and I realized even thinking our happy memories hurt now
because everything reminded me of you
telling my mind to be quiet over and over
because with every good thought
I’d think more and more
about a day I wish erased itself with the others
that one day you decided to mess it all up
I wish you didn’t
but I know it’s better you did
for both of us
we’re happier now
much happier without each other
but I’ll always remember
the little things
My Own Way
A large, pitch black room,
Not bright enough for you to see the tip of your fingers,
So quiet you can her hear the echoing of your breath,
Two tall, dark oak doors emerge from the darkness,
Crooked black handles- ice cold to the touch.
Two doors so similar in shape, texture and color, equal in size, almost the same,
Separated by only just the other side,
One door- more worn, older
The other- never touched, brand new
One door- more comfortable
The other- more appealing to me
Afraid of mistake, judgment, regret,
But the question still stands,
To follow the ones that came before,
Or to lead my own way
How Many
How many women have to die
Before men can look us in the eye
Before society teaches boys that
We are not objects to call at
Before fathers teach sons that our lives matter
That we are not pieces of meat for them to batter
That a short black dress
Does NOT mean yes
And that women deserve so much more
What About Me
There are girls with nice figures, fair skin, blue eyes and blonde hair
Nice smiles, wide eyes, something I don´t have.
Guys with wide shoulders, nice hair and grades
Beautiful eyes nice muscles just perfect in each way.
But what about me
Both guys and girls amazing in each way
But what about me, if i don´t feel like none..
what do i do when I’m no guy or girl.
So what about me
What am
Ok
Its ok
You’re with your friends
You are ok
When you’re with your lover
You are fine
When you’re in school
You’re ok
When your with you family
You’re fine
Do it for your sister
Do it for your brother
Do it for your friends
Do it for your loved ones
There are people who have it worse than you
So I’m fine
I’m ok
I’ll do it to keep everyone happy
I’ll do it for my sister
Do it for my brother
Do it for my family
Do it for my lover
Because I’m fine I’m ok
She
She is a pretty laugh
She is delicate
She was my friend
She is my friend
She is a familiar scent
She is the name i hold close
She is my friend
The Sea
I love the sea,
The lovely bee,
Sitting on a tree,
Writing to me,
Waiting to express his feels,
Over a nice meal.
Nature
Butterflies fluttering around
Canoes moving slowly
across the subtle waves
Kids laughing and gawking
Bugs flying
Ducks fighting
Families grilling
Couples holding hands
This is relaxation
This is nature.
Trans
I am a man,
I wear skirts and wear pink shirts,
I am a man,
I have long nails and a pretty face,
I am a man,
I look like a girl but think like a guy,
I am trans
No Worries
Men are the luckier gender
They walk the streets no fear
No worries as they stroll on by
A woman goes on a run and it ends in tears
They say not all men
But enough to cause the damage
When will it end we wonder
Body
I’m a girl I like being a girl
But sometimes i wis i had a boys body
I like my body but i wish i had more masculine features
Bigger arms, flatter chest, Broader shoulders, More muscular body
But thinking about al these things its made me realize i am who i am i love who i am
I may want other features but my body is beautiful
But being a masculine women i stand out in the stereotype of women
I’m happy to be different
My choice of style and how i look is all me and I’m proud to be m
We Can Choose Happiness
Every day we wake up, and do things automatically,
Every day we keep worrying and overthinking,
overthinking in our problems,
in this small things that keep us unhappy.
Can we stop doing that,
Can we start focusing on things that make us happy
Because only us can decide if be happy,
And make of every day a great one.
Love Again
You left the town and it looks so empty without you,
And I’m trying to go on with my life
To enjoy every second of this world
But I just keep thinking of what we were;
And my mind keeps reminding me of all the moments
And my feelings are sleeping since you’re not here
And I don’t think that my heart will be able,
To love again for a bit of time.
Show Your Fear
When the bull is able to bow his head,
And we see the tears,
that is when we know that hope is not lost.
We know that our message is ringing clear.
You should not wear a mask of hate,
But show your emotions, show your fear
Love and Hate
If love is pain,
Why do we yearn?
If love is complicated,
Why do we try?
We love to love
But we love to hate,
And are then confused
About the hurt it causes.
I think we love to feel,
To feel less lonely.
Because aching feels
Less Lonely,
Than feeling nothing at all.
Magic Books
Love is pain
Love is hard
Love is as conditional as the book on that shelf
Love is not as good as all the magic books we read at night
March
March 13th 2020
The day it all began
We filled our schoolbags up with books
And out the door we ran
Two weeks no school This is great
No worries and nothing to do
It wont be that bad at all
And we’ll see each other soon
Two weeks turned to two years
We’re all still here
Hoping this will end soon,
And we’ll walk away with no souvenir
Proud
I came out to my parents 2 years ago
They weren’t accepting at first which made me feel alone
But the more i became myself the more i feel i have grown
I am proud to be who i am and no one can change that
If
If you’re too smart you’re weird
If your aren’t smart you’re too dumb
If covered up you’re dry
If too much is on show you’re a slut
If u show emotion you’re soft
If u don’t you’re heartless
If you’re skinny you’re too skinny
If you’re curvy you’re too fat
If you’re different you’re strange
If you’re the same that’s still frowned upon
WE CANT WIN
Phase
Some say its a phase
Some say no your not this
While some say good on ya you are who you are
Some don’t use your preferred pronouns
Some don’t use your preferred name
While others care and use both
No matter who you are love is love
If your trans then be the person you are
The Trees Know
Spinning trees, i find myself among them –
Ungraceful maneuvers.
Face engraved by ever-running streams, they resemble bars now, i think.
Eternal pacing- the trees know it too.
We are all alone individually
Good Enough
No one is good enough
Too short, Too tall,
Too fat, Too small
One is too loud and obnoxious
The other doesn’t talk at all
She tries to look her best for him
But he doesn’t even notice not a glance at all.
Eat Up
One bite leads to another, more and more and you wont fit out the door they say.
You cant resist, the delicious cheesy, stringy bread brushing off your lips.
Eat enough but not to much they say, not to fast not to slow.
Eat each meal with gratitude and thankfulness
Remember to save the aromas
Noticing the texture and taste aware that food sustains you.
Eat and enjoy for weight or size does not matter
Happiness and health is what matters.
Nothing More
I’m at my worst
But I said the same last year
And the year before
But it remains the truth
And nothing more
I’m at my worst
But “my worst” is different everyday
Today “my worst” is worse than yesterdays
And yesterdays worse than the day before
But it remains the truth
And nothing more
Your Attention
I’m not trying too hard, I`m just living a dream.
I`m not ¨seeking your attention¨ its not like you boost my self esteem.
Ill sit in silence in my room,
I wont threaten to make a sound.
Just hoping that maybe one day ill truly be found.
In my chair all day in front of a screen.
I wont cry, I wont yell, and I wont make a scene.
The Bell
The school bell rings
And off I go making my way toward canal
The anticipation between everyone as our gear bags weighed us down
Once we got there, my life changed as I took my first sip
And it all went downhill from there
Parents
It’s always a “no” without hearing me out
Expected to act like an adult, but i want to shout
If i act immature its a harsh punishment for me
If my brother does its “he’s so silly”
Act like a lady, girls don’t act like that,
Boys don’t cry, they walk all over women like a mat
My parents favour the male and i never knew why
I do try my best but i want to cry
Parents love their sons and loathe their daughters
Awaken
I slowly awaken,
From this painful and unimaginable slumber,
I look for my shoe
but it’s nowhere to be seen
I cry out for it
While everyone else is panicked for each other
All I want is my shoe
Thinking
I cant help but think
Are we too young for this?
Are we going to fast
I love you ill do what you want
But what do i want?
But i guess that doesn’t matter
Don’t
I cant breathe
Don’t look at me
Don’t think of me
But love me
notice that i am here
I want to be invisible
But u cry when people done see me
Fine
Are you ok
Some reply with yeah im fine
While there’s a demon attacking them inside
They think should i stay should i go
I just want to be alone
Everywhere is darkness i just want to be good
I cant deal with this anymore
So until that day comes ill just reply with yeah I’m fine
Boys
Boys don’t cry, why do they tell that to us?
Boys don’t cry, is a girly thing crying and always have been
Boys don’t cry cause the have to have this toxic masculinity to protect them selves
BOYS DONT CRY