I am like a young tree, a sapling,
Winds hammering against me from all sides,
Trying to bend me to their shape,
Trying to make me fit their mould.
I am stuck at a crossroads,
Two paths ahead of me,
But my eyes are shut
And I am stumbling through the dark.
And there’s help all around me,
People trying to guide me down the right path,
But to get that help, I need to know who I am.
And I don’t.
I don’t know who I am,
I don’t know who I want to become.
Every time I think I might, I worry that I am just telling myself
“This is what you want”.
But is it?
Or am I just trying to stem the flow of worry
That I am wasting my life away,
Burying my dreams before they are even born.
My life in my own hands now.
But it feels like instead of lifting, supporting, guiding,
I am squeezing the life from myself,
And when I distance myself, try and catch a breath,
I am cutting of the circulation, losing touch with those around me.
Trying to figure out my life from within my handmade cage,
The four walls that trap me,
That save me from the horrors that lie outside
But trap me with the demons that lie inside.
I am a prisoner in my own mind.
Not good enough, try harder,
Throwing away everything that you’ve worked so hard for.
But how can I do my best if I am my own worst enemy,
Constantly correcting, criticising,
Pointing out the flaws,
Or staring in the mirror long enough to summon them.
It feels like I am in a pool, sinking,
My pockets filled with lead.
But when I try and empty them,
I find that the lead is in my blood, the problem is within me.
Don’t think of lockdown as a prison,
Think of it as a chance,
A chance to change something,
Maybe the house,
Or maybe even yourself,
Even though you can’t go anywhere,
Yet you can be everywhere,
Not physically but mentally,
We make our own reality,
A reality in which you can do what you want,
People are sick of this,
To be honest, I’m am too,
But in my own reality there is no lockdown,
Reality is the world as each different person sees it,
And see it as a new hope not prison.
I don’t know where I belong,
It’s hard when there are columns for everyone.
A way to look, a way to dress,
And the expectation that you have to impress.
I guess writing is a great way to reclaim,
A way no one has to know your name.
Her Sisters’ Mistake
Bury her in the grave
Dug by her sisters’ mistakes
Dress her in linens thread with dread
And the tarnished family Jewels
Shell sleep and lay in the coffin built by the actions
Of the women not even the girl to whom were cruel and lied
Lay her to rest in the bed of lies with the lawyer’s bills
Fighting her sisters fights
Forever robbed of her innocent delights
And her ability to dream and feel
Bring a million blue bells each year
For every shredded tear
For under the tree six feet under lies
The little sister that died
Protecting her older sisters lies
With red tears in her eyes
May the flowers bloom above her
With her unrealized hopes and dreams
Her one hope remains
That you visit your little sisters grave
To honour your broken sibling
And her unsurmountable pain
Kneel down under the big tree and stare at the branches fair,
For this is her view now
And that might not be fair
The sun shines down through the cracks
And branches shining down on you
Telling you she forgives you even after everything you put her through
Smile at her even if she can’t see
It will ease her heart and let her rest easy
For the bluebells you planted were a sign of peace
The tears that you shed helped her dream
The last thing you told her was a lie
And that kills you the most and makes you cry
For this was the last of her insurmountable pain
And you can never say sorry again
And a mother’s best friend.
I am an older sister
With two shoulders to cry on.
I am a granddaughter
And a niece.
I am all of this
Yet you don’t want a piece.
I am the cry when no one is there,
But the ray of light in the room.
I am the shy girl in the corner,
But yet I’m the loud friend.
I am the person, who takes all your insults,
And never yields a wheeze.
I am all of this,
But still you don’t want a piece.
I am that person who goes all in,
But is scared of commitment.
I am that girl who will go all out,
And expects nothing in return.
I am that friend that will do anything,
But yet I always get left aside.
I give you all of this,
And you still don’t want a piece.
Upon My Head
Sitting upon my head,
A cloud of twists and turns,
A winding waterfall of spirals falling down my back,
If you touch it,
Your fingers may never return.
“Curly fry”, “hagrid”
Believe me I’ve heard it all,
Girls spend time and money to have it like mine
While with little fuss,
Mine looks fabulous.
Younger me would kick and scream,
At the sight of a hairbrush,
And would long to have sleek, luscious locks,
While I was stuck with an outrageous mop.
But now I’m older and I have learned,
Life is too short to have boring hair,
So, I embrace the natural curl.
Head Held Up With Pride
This whole pandemic is driving everyone insane
But remember, we all got to stay home and keep safe
Because if we don’t, we’ll stay insane
There’s nothing new there just a simple little bit of pain
You gotta keep your head held of high with pride
And remember one day there will be light
From them good old hugs to the good old days
Please stay home and keep safe
Wake up in the morning look outside
Hoping today would be on the brighter side
Heading to school in the car
Listening to a man play a guitar
Only thing that keeps me going is the sport
That in the evening me playing rugby and football in my mucky shorts
Get home and go to bed
And get ready for the next day ahead
I Am Not My Dad
I’m not my dad,
I couldn’t be futher,
Though the slight murmur
In the back of my head
Tells me I am,
But if I am who do fail,
My family, my mam,
It makes me feel frail,
I am not my dad,
I never will be,
For I am far from as bad,
And that I now see.
I sigh as I look out again
A world disrupted by trauma and pain
Why does it have to be this way?
The world isn’t black and white it’s definitely grey.
So many shades of grey that I cannot comprehend
This feeling of distraught, it just won’t end!
I used to sit in a classroom
6 hours a day
7 days a week
I used to see my friends everyday
Talk about everything we could
Now I sit in front of a computer screen
Live Class after Live Class
Constant amount of work
Now I chat to my friends through text
Its not the same
Nothing’s the same
About Virtual Learning
Extrovert to Introvert
From an extrovert to introvert
That’s what lockdown has caused
From the month of March
To this present moment
I wished the world would pause
Let me catch up
Allow me to take a breath
Before life goes back to normal
I’m not ready yet
I am the person you never notice
The person you never see sad
The person it’s fun to be around
But yet I’m the person that feels the loneliest
The shows I watch are more than shows
They are my comfort, they are my home
They make me feel all kind of ways
And I don’t know how to explain
But to make you feel my way
I shall put it quite plain
It makes me feel as happy
As all these rainy days.
I awake in the early morning my superior giving me orders
He sends me down the trenches cross into enemy border
I swear I can’t deal with this anymore each day the same routine
Each day the fear of being struck by a bullet or being a place that shouldn’t be seen
Some of the soldiers are getting rebellious throwing paper aeroplanes around the class
Each and all saying things evil, rude and crass
Wait you thought I was talking about a battlefield? Of my aren’t you a fool
No you ignorant idiot I’m referring the battlefield called school
The world is a messed up place
The most messed up place is the mind
Especially in “our futures” that are scared to show their face
I wish I didn’t care or hate all the time
That kid’s over there struggling with depression
They won’t tell anybody that’s not going to happen
Won’t get it diagnosed that’s out of the question
They’re hurting behind the scenes but to you their laughing
You may think that kid is weird
Oh they’re just that way
That’s just the way we’ve all been steered
That’s the way we all are and it might be the way we stay
I Am the Girl
I am the girl known as the girl in foster care
Who can’t leave without getting parents concent
I am the girl who went to foster ace
5days after her big birthday party
I am the girl with the parents that bet her up
And refuse to admit it
I am the girl who can’t do normal kids’ stuff
Since 7 months ago
I am the girl who is anxious
Every month on court days
I am that girl
My sport is horses
I love all of it
The feeling of the wind
Is the horse gonna kill me one day when I get up
Am I gonna end up under him
Still though I love it
Every time I’m on a horse I’m happy
There’s an unbreakable relationship between a man and his horse
Every time u get over a jump it’s amazing
You’ve spent every minute training, falling and trusting in each other
And when you finally get to your goal its class
And at the end you learn
No matter how much you fall, you have to get back up
It’s amazing how much you learn from a four legged animal that can’t speak
Slowly and Slowly
The world is dying slowly and slowly,
People think that topic is quite boring,
Only we can make a difference,
All that litter is just too dangerous!
Animals are dying, there’s no denying,
People can make a change ,
Because lets be honest it’s just causing too much pain
The world is such a strange place
It has changed in such mysterious ways
The word’s touch as been changed by this pandemic game that we are stuck for all these days
The way we interact has made it quite plain that we humans are not meant for change
We are meant to interact in many different ways
But 2 meters away and a mask stuck to our face is not one that I think should remain.
We no longer have the time or the space to interact face to face
I hope that all of this will change with in the coming days.
This pandemic sure has made us think of the gratefulness
That we should have felt before it was all so plain
Another year, another lockdown another time away
Another time to use our creativity
Time to get my creative mind out
And start writing some more original songs
Let’s have some fun cause damn this year is quite a bum
I live in Ballinacree county Meath
Where there isn’t much to see other than trees
I’m stuck in lockdown with nothing but a frown
And I can’t even meet the lads in town
I play fut champs during the weekends
And that always ends with me going on twitter
And calling them a word that
I don’t think I have permission to send
It’s true that 2020 was only the trailer,
January haven’t finish and the world is on fire.
First of all with the capitol
Then in Spain a little bit of rain
And a bit of snow so holidays are long.
Earthquake in Granada and everyone in the street,
People without sleep, but they have family to feed.
Dear 2021 you don’t stop surprising ourselves
What I see outside my window
I see leaves rolling around on the ground
I see wind rustling through the trees
I see cars come and go
I see birds swimming in puddles
I see masks put on and off
I see families giggling and laughing
I see everything while I am stuck behind the window
Lockdown I don’t think was very good
Because all there is where I live is trees and mud
So I sit at home in this European nation
Playing my PlayStation
People say it’s bad
But the fun never ends
And nowadays it’s the only way
I see my friends
In the Country
I live out in the country
In beside a field
The cows in the field are chunky
Prepared for a fresh meal
I like to watch the football
United on the Tv
Excited for a win
But then we lose 2-3
Lockdown is so bad.
Lockdown is making me mad.
Lockdown is driving crazy.
Lockdown is very annoying.
Will lockdown ever be over.
Lockdown will always of happened.
Lockdown is a curse to suffer.