I Am Who I Am
I am who I am
I can only be who I am
And not who I am told to be, a Lady
‘Your shorts are too short, that top is too small’
‘You’re overdressed, you look like a mess’
‘You should order a salad, why don’t you just eat’
It’s exhausting and I am now understanding that…
I am who I am
Stuck at Home
Stuck at home, feeling trapped, just wishing I could go back
Freedom is so far away, how much longer must I wait and stay
Here at home no friends to see, my only interaction is with family
Digital media keeping me sane, the only thing that’s on my brain
Waiting for the end in sight, along this lonely road in fright.
Am I Okay?
A question I get asked
But never want to answer
Cause to me its an anxiety enhancer
Scared to bring my feelings to the spotlight
For fear of my friends taking flight
Thinking about the future gives me a fright
Wanting someone to tell me everything’s gonna be alright
My life has always been great
So why doesn’t it feel great?
Why can I not stray away
From checking my following every day?
Why do I say I’m confident
When really I need someone to confide in?
Why does it feel as though
I don’t belong in the place I know?
Of all the messages
“I hate to ask this, do you send?”
No, I don’t and if you hate to ask why ask?
“Ok, be like that, you’re a b***h” *blocked*
I’m ok with being a b***h if it keeps me safe.
I’m ok with people thinking I’m a freak
I don’t need their approval, or their mark on me
I don’t need their judgement to break me.
A disco ball is made up of broken glass
I’m not broken, I’m rebuilt beautiful
Like that disco ball
I’m rebuilt to be me,
Because if I’m not me,
Then who am I?
I don’t know yet, but one thing’s for sure
I’m not their doll, their toy, their pet
I’m my own person
And I’ve learnt to not believe their pretty lies of;
“I won’t let you down.”
The only person who won’t let me down is me
Broken trust, broken promises, broken hearts, broken me,
I’m rebuilt beautiful and all those scars have a story,
A story that reminds me,
Of hurt and pain but also of bright futures.
I don’t need those promises.
Because I am rebuilt beautiful.
I am too many chrome tabs open,
In my head, never spoken.
Assignments late or not turned in,
My soul is itching at my skin.
Stomach weighed down with black smoke,
I’m either numb or ready to provoke.
Marks spoiling brand new skin,
Leave your room. Swallow and grin.
I come from being told there is nothing I can’t do
Yet finding myself distracted and engulfed in dreams of living my life like I’ve got two
I come from an ever growing bucket list
Of countries and festivals and outrageous experiences that shouldn’t be missed
But I come from a world overcome by a virus
Where our daily lives do nothing but drain and tire us
I want to experience what those have before me
And live my life as an unwritten story
They Told Me
They told me to lie and to mask how I felt,
They told me to diet, to shorten my belt,
They say over and over that they just want the best,
But when I breakdown, they wont let me rest,
Get home fall into bed and start crying,
Wipe my tears say I’m okay but I’m lying,
The last shreds of my confidence slowly dying ,
I know that I’ll never be good enough,
Yet here I am, still desperately trying
I am brave,
I am strong,
I am worthy,
I am original,
I am beautiful,
I am wonderful,
At least that’s what I tell others to keep myself hidden,
It’s safer that way.
It’s the feeling of not being okay
But not knowing why
Its the feeling of having friends and family
Who love you
Who care for you
Yet you still feeling alone
But even then
You still dont know why
Now they’re just figures on the news
Tired of screens consuming my day
Tired of yearning human interaction
We might be sailing the same sea
But we’re all in separate boats
A smile on my face, I push through
Waiting for the day we can finally be free
When the sky glows bright.
Planets and oceans
Forests and meadows
Please let me escape
From the world that we know
So I come from an age where I’m meant to know everything about my future
Decide what you want to with your life, how you wanna live it
But I am, I’m living it, day by day
But that’s not good enough
I’m meant to live till I’m wrinkled like an old shoe and walk as slow as maths class
But I’m only really meant to live till I’m 30 with kids and a man that O don’t love anymore
They quote to live life care-free, it’s an adventure, but make sure you settle down and work to live
Cause if you break the cycle that quote doesn’t refer to you anymore
As I Sit Here
As I sit here and watch the world go by, I wish I was flying high up in the sky,
But as the virus catches us one by one, I flop here until my workday is done,
But looking back I really enjoyed sunny weather and workouts outside.
But as the school year closes I think of my friends,
Who I will spent my summer nights with when this comes to an end.
Life isn’t as easy as it seems for some,
For some people they have an amazing childhood,
They went to a nice school, had nice friends,
Got to do all the things available to them, had fun,
But for some people they have had it rough
Life has been tough as a child and only gets worse as you go on,
Enjoy everyday while you can you might regret it if not,
Everyone has problems big or small,
No matter where you grew up,
Enjoy every moment of you can at all
I miss my friends,
“You’re not alone”
Yes I am.
“We’re all in the same boat”
I wish I was.
Weather for ducks,
It’s all for the best,
Give it a rest!