I Think I’m Starting To Miss her
I think I’m starting to miss her.
I miss the way she would smile at everyone who walked by her.
I miss the way she would always stop to pet a dog when she went on her daily walk.
I missed the way she would take the beautiful risks of life, never refusing to go outside.
I miss the way she would make her friends get up and dance to music, effortlessly creating smiles on their faces.
I miss the way she loved the winter, the cold wind flowing through her hair.
I miss the way she smiled.
The way she would always find another chapter when reading a broken story.
I miss the way she wiped off the tears when she cut her knee, rising again,
I miss the way she looked at the world.
Beautiful in its own ways.
I silently closed the photo album full of pictures of little me.
As i wiped my finger across the little girls face, i whispered.
I think I’m starting to miss her.
The words “male validation” brought tears to my eyes
Knowing deep down how much that phrase applies
For the society I live in can only criticize
“Slut” “whore” “bitch”
Leaving me to scrutinize my hips and thighs
To deem myself worthy I look to immature, sex driven guys
I soak up the lies absorbing the highs
Until the shame and guilt makes me chastise
They say love is bliss
Love is pulling my vocal chords straight from my neck
Love is tearing my heart out and replacing it with cement
Love is standing beside me poking my eyes with a needle
Love is not my friend
Love is not my enemy
Love is uncontrollable and unstoppable
Thor himself could not defeat such a powerful opponent.
The change in the tides
Her Wild eyes like fire
The sun shining through to check up on you
It tells you, your are beautiful child do not forget
No matter the season or month
The war that is Family
I come from
A family divided in two
Holidays are the trenches of war
Taking cover while shots are fired
Packing your little bag
Switching house every weekend
Half siblings thrown in the mix
Too young to understand why you go missing for days at a time
You get told to be grateful
For the war that is family
You know the chaos too well
That you have to love it
In This Town
In this town, the car horns drown out the cat calls but we still hear them and pull our jackets tighter.
In this town, the stares scour your soul but we still look them in the eye and refuse to submit.
In this town, intelligence is the only way out, we elope to further education and turn our backs on our upbringing Because we want to forget the words.
In this town we like to say nothings wrong though the young lives we lose leave our minds less than a month later And you don’t even remember his name.
A whirlwind of thoughts,
A tsunami of lies,
Broken, defeated cries
Want to be alone,
My voice spoke loudly
The teachers reacted madly
Presumptions are made
They will never fade
My voice didn’t speak
The teachers called me weak
What is the right way
School isn’t where I want to stay
There are bones in my garden
Dusty and grey
Each year they come up,
Lavender in May
They take me back
To when we detached
You lose me each summer night
I fade I fade
Love is coming for you, stalking you, tormenting you until your clothes reek in its smell,
Love is haunting your dreams until madness drives you to your grave.
Love is reprisal and love is disowning you.
Love is taking everything away until you are left, alone, ashamed and naked, exposed for who you truly are,
Love is capturing this menacing monster and unleashing relief, picking up the granny you head butted,
Leaving you in insolation and in confinement, struggling to remove the muzzle of your own anger, leaving you hated And making you pay.
Love is returning the favour.
I come from a middle class family, mum dad, opposites attract,
Sister, best friend, annoyingly good at everything,
Dog, crazy, my one worry cushion
I come from a loving caring supportive family,
I’m lucky, I have everything I could ever want or need
On my lap my dog taking a nap and I hug her,
I hug, hold this fluffy ball of fur of comforting soft fur,
Home, until my worries subside, until the world seems normal
At night, I feel the demons crawl, stick their rough sharp talons into me,
could it be, my insecurities coming to say hello,
ringing the doorbell until they get an answer, until I hear their point of view,
Until I listen
I come from a normal family…….
Why don’t I feel normal, feel happy, feel beautifully me
From the moment you walk through the gates,
Already dreading what will come next.
Thoughts racing through you mind, unable to stop,
So many you’d think your mind was hexed.
But then through the doors,
A friendly encounter, a friendly face,
Soon to be rolling on the floors,
And so, your world become a slightly less darker place
Just Go On
Happy smile on the surface
Everything is great
Walks home in the rain
Arrives to school late
They are class clown
But cannot spell
Laughs off the mistake
Even though they know well
They wish they were good enough
Or got the praise they valued
But they just go on
Mentally a statue
Where do you come from ?
I come from the country side
Surrounded by trees and fields
I come from walking , cycling in the rain
I come from the country side.
I’m born and bred into bringing turf in from the shed to giving donkeys food.
Cows looking at me in every direction
I come from the country side and I love it
A Christmas tree is nice to see
Especially in the dark
The lights glow out
They make me shout
“Oh that’s a lovely tree”
Thoughts, thinking, overthinking,
Constant battle with your mind,
Telling you horrible things but,
Just be kind. To others, to yourself,
We often forget the simple things in life,
That just help.