I am the voice I hear in my head,
I am the books I read everyday,
I am grateful to be me and know that will never change.
I am my friends and family, who support me, that are always there,
I am the music I hear ringing through my ears.
I am the person I aspire to be,
I am who I am and that person is me.
Sand clouds my view,
Each grain an opportunity, eager to be discovered.
I’m sinking in the endless possibilities this world has to offer
And if I don’t choose quick these pieces of sand may turn into shards of glass
Pressuring me to make a decision.
What I don’t realise is that this sand is not on a beach,
I’m encased in an egg timer of life
Waiting for everything to be turned upside down
They tell you to smile,
To walk with your head held high,
To speak your mind and don’t be shy,
But the you become a teen,
“Don’t upset HIM”
Are the new…
“You look pretty”
“Show them your new dress”
“He is mean to you because he likes you”
Now want I say NO!
But I just smile
They put me down
But I’m gonna bring myself up
My injuries put me down
But I’m gonna fight
Because I want this
People can’t control me
I know what I’m doing
They think they know me
People think they can win against me
When they don’t know my story
One person gets me
He was unexpected
But the unexpected are the best
He made me like this
Never thought I’d say this,
While I’m feeling down in the pits,
Going back to school, really makes me drool.
The laughs, the messing, the routine,
The ordeal of waking up early,
Sometimes a daydream.
Although I unhappily tromp into school,
Thinking about grey’s anatomy,
I really am craving some normality.
Parents always say; don’t worry it’ll be okay,
But they don’t understand the pressure of today.
Subject choices, college applications and jobs,
It’s all too overwhelming and I want to sob.
I wish I knew what I wanted to do,
But there are way too many options to review.
I know I have a big decision to make,
I just hope, I won’t make a mistake.
So many expectations to act grown
And stereotypes saying all we do is moan
Grown ups telling us to grow up and stop acting wild
While they are the ones treating us like a child
Going to school learning useless things
Instead of being told what the future brings
Not being told how hard it would be
Just to be teenage me
The pen in my hand,
Blank sheet of paper
And a mind of thoughts
As I push the bad
Back to the back
Trying so hard to the crack
All I can hear is
‘Put a smile on’
To never let anyone know what’s going on
Tired of the pain
Tired of the pressure
While everyone else thinks
That I’m feeling better
My friends don’t even know yet
My days flip in a moment
I don’t know what to do or where to go.
I’m too afraid to text my friends
I’m so scared that they won’t care
What if they never noticed
That I was ever even there
And that I really do care
I love them so much
But still when I’m around them
I feel like I’m not enough
I want to live my life to the fullest
But day by day passes and I still feel useless
I want to write stories and I want to write music
But funny enough
I’m better at the stuff I want to do less
Like equations and sciences
That I check off my to do list
Because nobody sees me like this
And nobody knows that I feel like this
Everyday is the same,
From waking up to more cases on the news
To sitting at your desk doing work drowning in the blues.
The hope you’ll see your friends one day
And hopefully their hair will not have gone grey.
The day we get to hug each other
Will be a day like no other.
To smile and laugh under summers sun
With no care in the world having all the fun.
Forgetting about life on social media for a second
To normality again. Not having to check in
These times are strange,
How we wish they would change,
Distancing from friends,
How we wish this would end,
We’re learning from home,
But we’re not on our own.
Did we ever think this would happen?
We are more united now,
You can bet,
There’ll be good days yet
When we can sing and play and dance all day.
Keep safe and stay strong!
I’m tired of this feeling that consumes my happiness
Its big and dark and cold and mean
Pushing me down
Just waiting for me to give in
I’m fitting, I am
I do want the joy, from staring at the clouds
Or simply walking in the park
But I’m tired as I walk on this bridge out of the dark
What if He Does?
He doesn’t know he makes me happy.
He doesn’t know how much I care,
About how his day is going,
Or how he styles his hair.
He doesn’t know that it’s been him
Right from the very start.
He doesn’t know that when I see him,
There’s a storm inside my heart.
He doesn’t know how all his words
Affect my every day.
He doesn’t know that I can’t make
These feelings go away.
But still he’s kind.
And still he tries
To help me through my days.
And still he texts me every night
To make sure I’m okay.
What if he does?
What if he loves
All of my imperfections?
What if he looks at me
And feels that I’m the right direction?
I wonder about life a lot, like why am I here how does everything work,
I think to the point where I’m worrying about what happens next
When in reality I should be living
I should be giving, giving up all the negative thoughts in my head,
Probably even thinking about getting out bed
I lack so much motivation, to the point where I can barely keep up a conversation
I want to be out exploring with the people I love, with the people I cherish
Soon before one day they will all perish
In this thing called life, not everything lasts forever, that’s why you shouldn’t hold back
You should go attack, attack the things you want
And what you want to be, because in the end it won’t be you and me
It will just be you and trust me, you will feel ever so free
Eyes tired and limp
Begging the mind to sleep
To stop the aimless scrolling
To finally start counting sheep
The sun starts to show
It’s now 5am
Distant chirps of birds are heard
You’re wishing you were them
Independent and free
Spending hours flying in the sky
Nights with no stress
Not needing to lie
And my minds gone absurd
Because I’m lying in my bed
Thinking about being a bird
It’s hard, In Lockdown
When you’re stuck in a place that isn’t made to keep you safe,
Where your neighbours shout and always fight around.
It’s hard, in lockdown
Where you can’t see your friends. An occasional text is all you get.
When it’s been so long you can barely remember the smiles upon their faces.
It’s hard, in lockdown
When your education is cramped behind a screen
Where deadlines and missing assignments is all you see.
It’s hard, in lockdown
But hopefully it will all change.
I get so sick of walking down the street,
Afraid I will be followed,
Or I will be thrown into a van,
It makes me feel so hollow.
I was told I could do anything I wanted,
But I can’t even wear a short skirt,
In the fear that a predator will catch me,
And use me, then abandon me like dirt.
You hear these scary stories online,
But they are nearly always glamorized,
And imply the question of endless doubt
‘Did she ask for it’ and ‘did she try’
It makes me so sad to think,
Of my future daughter being afraid
Not of monsters or scary things under her bed,
But of some men and getting raped.
Starting from now, I’ll learn to love myself
It feels hard, staring in the mirror,
empty eyes reflecting back
But now I need to move on, pick myself up and go
Pick up the love you threw away
Realise day by day that I can once again learn to love myself.
Trends and styles i feel tempted to follow,
Sure they look good now but they’ll be silly tomorrow.
The worst trends come in summer time, because it tends to be warm,
Wearing belly-tops and shorts suddenly become the norm.
Trend after trend sometimes they seem to get worse,
And other times certain trends put present time in reverse.
Some trends appear to be innocent, but how can they be,
The clothes are not appropriate, who cannot clearly see.
Some trends I don’t see, some trends I miss,
That trend holds no pressure that is my wish…
Freddie (Mercury) is the love of life
I wish I were his wife
You thought me to be myself
And not to care what others will think
Thank you for lifting me up
When I’m feeling down
And putting a smile on my face
When I’m wearing a frown.
Yes there’s other things that make me happy
But nothing like you, who I am so through too
Darling, you’re overall charming
I look to the sky above me,
For my hope and inspiration.
I look to the ground below me,
To feel the strength of the ground to support me.
Twisting and Turning
From the bottom of the ocean,
To the tree tops above,
With my emotions running high,
Thinking about me there in the sky,
Twisting and turning,
As the world rages on burning,
As I am glad I’m not there,
Leaving them in despair
In the long hard days
The only things that pays
Is making sure you have in those essays
To keep yourself sane
And trying not to complain
To hide the pain
Of being alone
With just a phone
And this curve ball you have been thrown
But staying inside is tough
And gets really rough
When you can never do enough
“Life after Lockdown”
Everyone says it will be unreal
The best fun we will ever have, that’s a deal!
But what if it’s not, what if it’s a big lie, at times I can be all too shy.
I’m quiet when you don’t know me, that’s the thing,
But once you get to know me, you will cling.
Boys don’t look at me, they think I’m not there,
And honestly I don’t think that is fair.
But with all this expectations, I’ll take my frustrations away,
Put on my foundation and I’ll be on my way!
Movies and TV shows are what I escape to,
Ever since I was young, I watch them when I’m in any mood.
There the only thing where I want to be , especially when I can’t be anywhere else.
I put on Netflix, Disney or whatever it is, and emerse myself as if nothing else exists.
Whether I’m fighting Thanos or laughing at Michael Scotts bad jokes.
I feel happier knowing that they won’t end for me, with the great ability to stream.
Knowing that they might be fictional to other, but are very real to me.
Can’t wait for the end of this
All going out for the sesh,
We’re all stuck at home now
It’s like being back at the crèche.
Most I can do is try a workout or watch Netflix,
Even made a Pinterest board to find some sort of aestethic.
The buzz for the summer is all I can think about,
I’m never going to be home I don’t care if my parents lash out.
My mind is like a time bomb from all the stress I’m about to cry,
But as soon as quarantine’s over, I know my life will simplify
My Favourite Things
If I was asked to describe my happiness
I wouldn’t chose words
I would show you favourite people and places
Where they are and all their friendly faces
I would show you me in Jess’ garden with a can in my hand
Or me in Spain lying on the sand
I’d show you me and Lara’s adventures
Or my vision board
Or the stuff I play with when I get bored.
I’d show you the feeling of get a hug from nana
Or jumping in the freezing pool
Or even the victory royal with my gaming friends when I should be asleep for school
I’d show you the cuddles with my dogs
Or me lying in bed
And the journeys I go on in my head.
All of these things are important to me
But these are the things only I’ll ever see.
His hair was a bright shade of auburn
So bright in the sun with blonde highlights
Reflecting through only one could imagine how someone could look like this
And I was seeing it in person
We started to talk and went for a walk
Going down the stream felt like a dream
He was strong and helped me when I couldn’t reach things
Only made me and it made me cling and I wanted to be with him
The sky became dim and I felt as if time was running out
And I started to doubt whether I should go ahead with what I was going to do
But everything felt so right but I stood onto a rock
Just his height absolutely in fright gave him a kiss it was absolute bliss
I like watching Netflix until my pupils become squares,
I like complaining about how school is just unfair.
I like playing video games and screaming with my brothers,
I like midnight chats and morning coffee with my mother.
I like reading novels until the birds chirp in the morning,
I like surprises and pranks that heed no warning.
I like imagining that I could travel through portals,
I like dreaming about the day the world goes back to normal.
I like going for strolls and my favourite colour is blue.
But that’s enough about me, what about you?
I went to my last disco this time last year,
I never knew it would’ve been my last.
Schools were shut down for 6 months, a month after that.
If you had told me all this would happen back in 2019, I probably would’ve laughed.
“That’s ridiculous.” I would’ve said. “You’re going mad.”
But now, nearly one year into this new world,
And I forget what life used to be like,
When we all would go out in big groups, not a mask or a look of fear in sight.
It’s unfortunate that wearing masks, not being able to see friends and family,
Attending school online has become the new “norm”
But it’s just the way it is, I guess.
Covid is the new “norm”
I can only imagine summer,
Everyone’s by the river dancing with their friends,
Not one person fighting in sight,
Because Covid is gone everyone’s made amends.
The music is so loud we can’t even hear,
All we can feel is water droplets cause someone jumped in the river,
Now all our hunger is setting in,
So I just called Kentucky to see if they deliver.
Humming and Hawing
Humming and hawing,
Everyday is the same.
School work overloaded,
Life feels so lame.
Repeat and repeat,
Till we can take it no more.
Sitting and waiting,
Almost feels like a chore.
I want to get out,
See friends, have fun.
But all I can do,
Is stay put and hum.