So this is who i’m supposed to be?
depression anxiety heartbreak always following me
i cant find anyone who can calm me down as much as he
he laughs he smiles but all along its fake
how much of this can he take
He was all I needed
now i sit and stare
at these people who do not care
being treated like a robot
being treated like i know a lot
being treated like I can swallow a pill
and not want more to ease the pain
wanting more so that I can take each day
wanting more so I can hallucinate
just to see his face
just to be put in my place
so this is who im supposed to be?
A warm summer evening
The sun setting slowly
Voles stirring and birds chirping
And the trees swaying gently
Dandelion seeds flowing through the air
Bumblebees harvesting pollen for the hive
There goes galloping a little hare
The time was only half past five
A woman was walking alone on the road
Unbeknownst to her, her life was in danger
A truck drives by with a heavy load
By a man she didn’t know, a complete stranger
Before she knew it she was hit over the head
The truck drove away quickly, a flash of red.
You are loud, so people know you’re there
The house is quiet, the tv blares.
You drink and smoke,pretending to enjoy the taste,
you watch your dad wither away.
You’re so much more talented the teachers say, they hope it is just another phase.
After every visit,he says less and less
The nurse looks in my eyes, and tells me to rest.
I look at my dad and start crying.
My entire life
How can I live when his insides are dying.
The pain is lasting, melancholic and deep,
But she has promises to keep,
Until then she can’t sleep.
She lies in bed with ducts that weep
Trying not to make a peep.
She rises from her bitter bed,
With thoughts of sadness in her head,
She idolizes being dead.
Facing the day with never ending dread.
Drip Splash Splosh
The rain falls like pints of blood
Drip splash splosh
Steadily, heavily washing down
The murky clouds swamp the sky
A glint of light brightens
and so, the thunder begins to roar
Louder than loud
I listen to it shout and yell
The sun curls up behind the clouds
Not a peep, not even a word.
I listen carefully to his call
He’s calling me from up above.
My face goes pale
The bitterness burning in my throat
Like a frog on a speed boat
My eyes go red
My body like a bed
Legs get heavy
My mind is spaghetti
Palms turn clammy
I think of umami
The Sahara dessert is my mouth
I gaze around
I’m surrounded by clouds
Tiger stripes, natural tattoos
Body hair is pretty,
You have beauty, just unique to you
Be confident, never insecure
Don’t be a slut,
To be a virgin is to be pure
Treat yourself, because he won’t
But be happy,
No one can love you if you don’t
You’re stunning, your beauty is blooming
Pure as a dove,
But I’m not beautiful, I’m human
And all you need is human to be loved.
Everything is Still
Everything is still.
The sun high in the sky,
trying it’s best to come out from behind the clouds.
A thick blanket of snow covers the ground.
No wind to sway the trees.
The lake frozen over,
too slippery to walk on.
No animals in sight,
trying to stay warm from the bitter cold.
Birds sing a morning song,
preparing for the beautiful day ahead.
Everything is still.
but not heard
You look at me with those pitying eyes
I don’t know what I’m talking about
I’ll understand when I’m older
I don’t realise the consequences
I can’t make my own decisions
I know how I feel and I can’t change that, when I say it I mean it
It is my own opinion
Let me do what I think is best
It’s a mistake? Let me find that out for myself
My independence scares you
Dependence terrifies me.
Goosebumps, running up your legs.
you exhale and watch a small cloud of air form
standing at the platform on November 1st
you begin to wonder if there’s a storm
then you remember
that even though the autumn leaves fall
its almost December
and its a thieves free for all
Christmas, a time of joy and fun
But little do they know
its not fun for everyone
Winter means cold, and wet and infection
but no no, ‘be grateful for your gifts!’
how can they never see the imperfections?
The Screaming Breeze
The belief to be perfect
Is more corrupt than life itself
Because it can affect
One more than conflict
Sitting alone wondering
What is wrong
Who are numb
To your problems
But fill them with toxins
Who can’t hear
Your screaming pleas
Passing over like a breeze
Who cry in their own battles
Too concerned with imperfections
To see the beauty within
Because it is not you
That causes the pain
But the idea of perfection.
Alone in bed, a book in my hand.
The night before me, slips away like sand.
My mind is ablaze with epic scenes and stories,
In this land I am someone of legend and glory.
I live hundreds of lives, each one so vivid,
I can be both good and bad, both great and wicked.
Epic romances and tragic heartbreaks,
I am in love and in pain, my heart awake.
I feel at home, this is where I belong,
But as the sun rises, I know I haven’t got long.
Body and soul, I fall in love with these pages,
I cry, laugh and smile as I live through ages.
I can never quite explain this love so fierce inside me,
But I am thankful because I feel that these books I understand me.
A Quiet Place
If you don’t talk they ask, are you okay? Why are you so quiet?
I don’t like being asked these questions well,
I don’t mind so much it’s more so that I question myself why I get asked these questions.
I’m not like them, I’m an outcast and I never seem to fit into the exterior world.
Some people I know have so much to say to their friends, they speak so freely and at ease.
I have never and don’t think I will be able to do this.
My brain is so loud with so much negative that I think that if I even tried to speak I would not be able.
I feel myself consumed by thoughts of death and how much I want it all to stop.
My life seems so dull and empty from the outset but if it were possible to read minds y
ou would see that my brain is overfilled with a million thoughts.
The negative always overpowering everything.
Let Me Be Me
You know school has you stressed,
when you’re struggling to get dressed.
Thinking of excuses to get the day off,
maybe today I’ll pretend to have a cough.
Getting up early to fix your hair,
and putting on makeup so people will stop and stare.
Some girls turn up looking so good effortlessly,
strutting around completely fearlessly.
But those girls don’t have it easy you see,
For that is not who they were made to be.
They also get stressed and get up early,
for they do not even want to look girly.
She’s a tomboy deep down but can’t let it show,
she had to burry her true self long ago.
She is just like everybody else without even realizing,
she is the one doing all of the advertising.
Showing what the perfect girl should look like,
well that girl can go take a hike.
Everyone is different and that is life’s key,
Let’s all come together and shout “Let Me Be Me”!!!
Sometimes I think hate it here
If you tell a teacher your problem
They spread about the things you fear,
i get so anxious i almost feel numb
My friends are the ones who brighten up my day
they understand how to make me feel better
whenever I’m feeling grey
Some of my friends dont understand
its not “a bad day”
At the moment im just not ok
when putting thoughts on paper
I’m filled with doubt
What to say where to start
I want nothing more than to back out
My friends sing, my head splits
late on a Friday
I just want to call it quits
a ha ha.
The Last Line of a Book
Starting a new book is weird.
You’re submerging yourself into this new world and life,
You have to understand that you’re never going to be apart of it,
Whether it’s a fictional world with Fae and Warlocks or something more realistic,
At some point you have to accept that no matter what you’re still never be a part of it,
That overwhelming feeling when you read that last line, knowing you’ll have to leave that world and all the characters behind,
You’ve “watched” them go through so much,
You’ve watched them laugh and cry,
You’ve watched how they’ve grown to become stronger people.
You want to be with them, you’re longing to be friends with them
Simply just to talk with them, laugh with them or even just to see them in person,
But when you finish that last line you have to count on them to to live out their lives together,
As you will continue with yours,
Alone, without them.
Beauty and the Bubble
There is no weight limit to beauty,
No such thing as being ugly,
You don’t have to be bubbly,
Just do what you wanna do.
Be who you wanna be,
Not what others want,
Make your own font.
Your body is the ideal body,
Don’t listen to those who say different,
And if they do they’re ignorant.
Love who you want to love,
start with yourself.
You are enough,
I know times can be tough.
Lift your head princess,
And appreciate your success.
I hope she gets through the battles she doesn’t tell me about,
She needs to talk but her mind is telling her not to shout,
I hope she finds who she really is and gets past all this comparing shit,
They need to know how their words can hurt and the more they say the deeper its hit,
I hope she knows I am here to listen,
and that she may not but I see her glisten,
I can see in eyes she feels alone,
although we are all here she keeps her head tucked in her phone,
7am, up again, to the place I dread the most
I’ll see my friends but they’re the only thing that’s keeping me afloat
spend all day in a cold classroom waiting for the next bell,
just to get home and do what they call homework,
but me? I call it hell
I ask myself why, since four years old I’ve spent all my days in here,
learning stuff I hate, will never use to throw up on a test next year
They tell me ‘Lauren it’s for your future!’ and a future I didn’t choose,
For now and always I’ll be against this jailcell they call school.
what bothered you?
was it my shoulders?
are they enticing?
did they disturb you so much so that I had to leave,
to go cover up my body
because i’m female?
so my body is inappropriate to you?
and to the world?
Girls are bitches they said.
what they didn’t say,
was how the insults would stay in my head.
you’re fat, you’re ugly, you’re gay.
all day long,
they thought it was funny.
they were wrong
my life was no longer lovely.
they blurt it out as if it was nothing,
id laugh as if it didn’t hurt.
but here the thing,
it tore me apart.
no doesn’t mean maybe or yes no means no
no doesn’t mean try harder, it means let it go
when someone stops saying no doesn’t mean you’ve won the lotto
it means they don’t want to be your amigo
our lives are not a show for entertainment
so next time listen closer when someone says no.
They all pretend to know
the challenges I’m facing
but they don’t know the thoughts i keep creating in my mind
my head is frayed
but im not afraid
There are people I talk to everyday
But I feel like I need to shout for them to hear what I say
I just think I’m too quiet
Yet every single day I try it
trying to get my voice heard
But in conversation my words are blurred
Although this has helped me learn
Attention is something everyone yearns
how can they tell me my mental health matters
then tell me im dumb and ive gotten fatter
is i starve myself, drink or smoke and vape
maybe i can fit in where i want to escape
they didnt care if i always skipped dinner
they only did when i suddenly got thinner
why dont they understand why i hate the world
when they know how hard it is to be a girl
The days are long
but the weeks go fast
I wonder how long this will last
this is not how its meant to be
I should be allowed see my friends and family.
my emotions hidden behind a mask
is this really too much to ask.
to be free
can we go back
to the day
when all we did all day was play
no worries or big decisions
and looking at the television
when we were young our biggest desire was to grow old
and “enjoy being young” we were told
now i wish i listened
and to be young is my new ambition
It’s the people in life who tell us we can’t thrive
That tells us we should be thankful to be alive
When we crumble from pressures and powers
Shed petals in spring like skin from flowers
Perhaps it was the rules we couldn’t follow
Or the true pain, too hard to swallow
The only person who loves you is you
And lovers can lie but love can’t be untrue
when corona came
they worried that they would never again shop
we even wore masks which was a big task
hopefully this will go before, the snow
What I Love
What I love about people is that we never question anything.
What about the food we eat? The things we say?
We just do it, without any doubt.
The fact that I will probably regret everything
I just said later on just makes me sad
How can anyone be keen to ever grow up,
if grown up just means going to the same job everyday
and cooking dinner for your family and all that stuff,
all that insignificant stuff we do everyday
without ever just wasting one second to think about why we do it.
What we all have to realise is that we can do whatever we want.
There’s no one stopping us from being who we want to be.
I don’t even like writing.
everyone stopped ,
everyone worried ,
everyone was afraid ,
but we couldnt do
anything to stop it .
we eat we sleep
we corona repeat
What is enough?
Are you tough enough, brave enough or beautiful enough?
Smart enough or strong enough, buff or tough enough?
Happy or sad, free or trapped?
Stuck in the same circling capped
Society through which you will never break out of
constantly stuck, struggling resisting
A glass half full or half empty spilled opened and examined
When can you say you’ve had enough?
Through the pavement grew a yellow flower
Its little life starting, growing all strong
Its dream was to be tall like a tower
And to be big and scary like King Kong
Answer is No
i cant have fun without being a whore
i cant like school without being a bore
i cant say no without being a prude
i’ll never be normal if i don’t send him nudes
if i do send those pictures im a slut and a hoe
but im never enough when my answer is no.
During the summer I got a puppy,
Despite covid making the year murky.
I play with her after school each day,
But I always have the instinct she might run away
her favourite thing to do is chew
But its unfortunate when its your shoe!
She sleeps at night in her comfy bed.
But sometimes she comes in to mine instead.
sitting at the back of class
kind of want a glass
i wanna pass
lets hope i don’t miss mass
id love chicken right now
i wanna pee
anyone wanna save me
ty is a dry
all i do is cry
im bored everyday
a presentation to display
waiting for friday to come
so i can try bum
im gonna pissed
and hopefully kissed
i am meant to write a poem,
i just want to go home,
to see my dog harry,
but i have tennis with barry,
where i will carry body around,
with my mate until eight
and fulfill my want to go to bed
Let Me Be
sometimes I don’t want to be happy
don’t hold it against me
If I’m down just leave me there
let me be sad
I’ve got chips on my shoulder’s
only getting older
so I keep to myself
i hate school
its so not it
its so cruel
i want to quit
i hate homework
its so boring
i might go to work
the teachers are always snoring
this girl in my class is so annoying
she’s in a ditch
shes destroying my transtion year
she’s a little witch
sikeee (i love everyone).
schools so bad
the teachers are all cruel
might just quit
its such a bore
might go and snore
going to a new school
where everyone is cool