Walking to the Lake
Walking to the lake on a winter’s day.
Crispy leaves under woollen boots
I trudge my way through trees thick with foliage
Submerging myself in a woodland fairy tale
I come here alone, but this forest is buzzing with life.
Eager songbirds embrace me with a tune
A sleek squirrel scuttles across the pine floor
The climate is not so welcoming.
Dainty droplets of ice drip onto my cheeks
Their coldness seeps into my skin,
Unfriendly and hostile.
On I go, venturing further until I am at the core.
The vast lake meets the sun with such grace,
Both of them are enchanted by this eternal dance.
The frozen water reflects hues of blue and grey,
Painting for me a vivid picture of the bleak sky.
At last, I let my mind relax completely,
As I allow the lake to swallow me whole.
Ode to Earth
From her core we are all gifted with life
She is the friendly sun, peeking her head through the hopeless heavy clouds.
Her face is in the pale of the moon as she tells us goodnight.
Upon her body men fight wars of fire and glory,
Heroes and cowards alike lie in unmarked graves beneath the soil.
Locks of silvery hair float across the vast blue sky,
As she teaches a fledgling how to fly.
We tread atop her skin leaving behind footsteps and destruction,
Rarely stopping to heal the bruises we caused.
She cries tears of rain, pattering on rooftops and pouring into puddles,
Before glowing a glorious rainbow of pride.
She feels our pain, rejoices in our happiness, and loves us all the same,
Though for her torture we are to blame.
I Dance With the Monsters
At night I dance with the monsters,
The ones from underneath the bed and inside the closet,
We dance and sing and shout the night away,
In voices that no-one here would hear anyway.
At night I dance with my monsters,
The rejects and the lonely that no one would approach,
The scary ones they cry wolf about each and every night,
The ones that they say make little children cry and shout.
At night I dance with the monsters,
And they have never dared ask why,
Because no one has ever stayed as long as I,
Because the name “monsters” is just a big lie.
At night I dance with my monsters,
Not by pity or threat,
But because they are not the monsters,
They are our friends and there is no need to fret.
I do so because I have seen real monsters,
They roam the earth so freely,
Not hiding in closets or under a bed,
Not in a shadowed corner or a shed.
And they do not have sharp teeth or claws,
They have a human body with feet, face and flaws.
She looked at you like
You were the brightest planet
In the galaxy, and suddenly I was dull.
You danced in each other’s light,
Captivated by the beauty within your bond,
While I lay lonely
In the darkness of the shadows you cast.
Your life bursting at the seams with
Vibrant colours – my grey hues
Could never compare.
As we sit on the floor of the abandoned house,
Too drunk to know our own names,
We sit in silence, again drinking as an escape,
Not alcoholics, not depressed, Just teens.
The silence not awkward just perfect.
Lights flicker, cars beep, people calling our names,
We listen as the world goes by
As we sit on the floor of the abandoned house
With sheets like waves
And brain tied down to a stone cold pillow
But the pillow just feels like grey cement
Open your ears for this is my final amend
Graciously told stories with a stretch of the truth
Trying too hard to make memories, to what
Remember from youth
Because I hate it when I feel like I’m not me
But that feelings been growing, spreading, steadily
Quarantined in my own head
Yet still here in my own bed
Wish I remember just how happiness felt way back when
But I need to know myself before I fall in love again
Look at me with pride,
Fulfilled with emotion,
Not as “that” child causing commotion.
Looks at me as if I’m her,
Fill me with praise,
Maybe some eye contact,
Don’t let the voice be raised.
See me how you wish,
I’ve tried to satisfy you.
Don’t look at me like you do,
Or at least not as if I’ve failed you.
Meant to Be
“I’ll support you no matter what” they say
But would they stand by that if I came out as gay?
How am I any different from you?
If you love someone, why can’t I too?
I find it funny how you think you’re a god
That you have never sinned before and always been right.
But if you think that I’m going to hide and not be who I am meant to be,
Then buckle up Mom and Dad, and get ready for the ride.
Ode to sleep
You greet me in the morning
You leave me in the day
When I leave to go and work
You feel so far away
Sometimes you leave me staring in the dark
Most times, you leave me alone
But when you decide to greet me
I know i feel at home
You show me my dreams
But also my fears
You show me what i love
But what also brings me tears
I haven’t seen you in a while
As I lie awake in bed
As memories of my past
Curse the thoughts in my head
My nails digging deeper into my back
Crying my eyes dry
But you wrap me with your warmth
And show me beautiful lies
When you’re here I’ll hold you close
And never let you go
Because I don’t want to wake next morning
But I know that isn’t so
A page slapped down on the desk,
Relief when I see the A,
Knowing my mum will let me live another day.
I don’t know when it came to this,
Depending my self-worth on a grade,
My anxiety is my master and I’m its maid.
Only when I achieve do I feel loved,
Lying in bed tears rolling down my face is when I feel like truly me,
Usually my personality is lost in a sea of insecurity.
Hurtful words flown at me from all sides,
‘It’s not your life, its mine until you’re eighteen”
Don’t let it affect you, don’t convene.
Staring out the window late at night,
Dreaming and wishing of things that could be,
I’ll prove them all, I can do better just they wait and see.
These are the days of our lives
Days spent inside
Days spent aimlessly
Days spent studying. At home. Sort of.
Days spent wastefully
Days spent overthinking, analysing
Days spent waiting
And for the future.
Days spent slowly until they are all gone
The future is near
Our teenage years are nearing the close
We spend the days waiting
As I dance in the midnight light
I think about you and I and what we had.
For all those months I have been blinded
By this dream you sold to me
Believing that you fell for me,
I wish I never fell for you,
The anger inside is making my blood boil.
All those times you told me you loved me,
Just thinking about it it kills me to say that,
I loved you back.
I wish you well in life,
Do not flatter yourself too much,
Don’t go and hurt someone else’s heart
Like you hurt mine.
I don’t want to be alone.
And yet I stay here.
Blinded by occasional mirages of joy
Hoping to feel something
That I usually cannot.
When I leave
And everything is grey.
I just want to go home
I am the mirror
I see myself as ugly, unworthy
I am the windows,
I fear of being opened on a stormy night and letting all my fears inside.
I am the walls built so high so I can’t be crushed down.
I am a girl with the fear of being opened, cut and left broken.
I fear of being left alone,
Shattered by the weight of myself and the mirror that follows.
One day I will be able to walk alone in the dark,
Without holding my car key in hand.
One day I will let someone love me for who I am,
And not who I want to be.
One day I will not be catcalled on the street,
In my school uniform.
One day I will be role model to my children who,
Will respect everyone for who they are.
Trapped in a room, four walls and a door you cant walk through.
Staring into nothing, at nothing, for nothing.
Trapped in an endless cycle of being enclosed in a cage,
And being as free as a bird, whose wings have been cut.
Doing nothing, being nothing, as the months drag on,
As boredom comes and goes and leaves you as nothing.
No longer waiting for an end, with only a candle to guide you to it no,
As the flame has long extinguished. Engulfing you in nothingness.
Becoming a tiger, prowling along the four walls, longing to just be free but can’t.
Not then, not now, maybe not even ever.
Staring out windows,
Reading novels, you never had any interest in before,
Doing anything at all to feel something other than the
Nothingness you had long ago began to feel.
Going through the motions. Waking up, logging into school,
Going for a walk, and sleeping again. Waking to repeat the very same thing
The very next day. The next week, the next month. Perhaps even the next year.
Motivation turned to avoidance, to procrastination, and now to uncaring.
Why care, to do what was asked, to become “free” only too inevitably
End up back at the middle. Not the beginning, where there was hope, but the middle.
Back to just being. Once again trapped in a room, four walls,
And a door you no longer care that you can’t walk through.
What is Perfect?
A virus that is injected
Into the skin of every woman, boy, girl and man
Making them feel less than
It is a treadmill running at the speed of light
And we must keep up and fight
To be perfect,
What is perfect?
It is not being you, unique
It is not being seen in a bleak
Sea of people, all puppets on strings
Everyone of them queens and kings
Each one of them under the effect of
What is perfect?
Only a Child
You were only a child.
She is doing better.
She is healthier.
I feel so guilty, I must have done something.
I was silent when she told me
That she had to get help
That she was sad.
I did nothing.
I continued with myself.
No. Everyone wanted her dead.
Remember how she made others feel.
Remember how she made you feel.
But what if I did something too.
What if I listened more.
What if I stopped acting like her.
We were just children.
But I haven’t stopped thinking about you
And I never will.
Ode to the Boy with Dark Hair
Up the road in a quiet cul de sac
There lives a tall boy with dark hair
His downturned eyes appear grey
But when explored are actually
A cold turquoise with splashes of
Emerald dancing around his pupils
The sweet scent of his broad shoulder
In his warm embrace is
What I crave so deeply.
His rosy lips spread in a wide smile
To display his pearly white teeth,
Harmonic voice and occasional witty tone.
Time almost stops when his soft
Fingertips gently interlock with mine.
His laugh is more musical than any birdsong,
Nothing can compare to his tender kiss,
Because I love the boy with dark hair
Who lives up the road in a quiet cul de sac.
My veins beat underneath my skin, so thin,
And my fingertips are so red and tender
With nails as fragile as butterfly wings.
There are no more nerves left to help me feel,
Only the delicate ridges of my fingers
And the ever so slight pressure I put on them to touch.
Each joint has been scraped by teeth or something metallic,
With puffy scar tissue cushioning each of them like a pillow
As they snap and crack out loud with each movement.
Long and calculated in the same vein as spider legs,
Each finger moves of it’s own accord,
Slow and cautious and courteous
As if they’re trying to be quiet in the night
In fear of waking up something larger,
And maybe they’re right for that.
Never Feel Good Enough
Never feel good enough
Stuck here like clockwork
Never good enough
Everyone wants something from me
I’ve to be here there and everywhere
Do this do that, go here
Why aren’t you good enough?
Why am I not good enough?
You’re too lazy
You dont care
Your being a bitch
You’re not being fair
Your loosing friends
Why are you distant?
What’s with the mood?
The whole worlds against me
Asking too much
Sense of humour,
Still not worthy of self love
Only tears on a reflection
I feel like I’m a lifeguard
Which is funny because I can’t swim
My swimmers are out there
They look like they’re drowning
They told me they are drowning.
And all I can do is shout
“You can do it, I believe”
I could do something real but I don’t know how
I see the wave they don’t perceive
I am the lifeguard
But I don’t throw the buoy
I was afraid of getting wet
I was afraid of going down
Underneath the black water, I know
What it’s like
Because I have been a lifeguard
All my life. I’ve got too many
swimmers and too much of them are drowning
And too much
Of the tourists are hawking
And asking “what will you do?”
I want nothing but my lifeguard
Days to be done and through
So I say goodbye to the drowning
I turn away and resign
The current will bring them back.
Covid 19 is here
Everything around us has changed
Not only is our health affected
But so is our mental health
The sore smell of the
Hand sanitizer, the smell of
A new clean face mask.
We can’t see our friends anymore
if we aren’t in the same class.
The schools might be closing down
And then where will we be at all
Stuck in a big black whole with
We all hope that this is a dream
That we will finally wake from
And leave this nightmare behind us
Hope is for suckers.
Thank you Covid
The best year of your lives,
Pandemic filled and isolated,
Waiting for a sign that we’ve made it,
Hoping for a sign that it’s done,
Little do we know there won’t be one.
When the world is no longer ending
And it’s safe to go outside,
When we can look at each other
Without the fear of our demise,
When the masks don’t cover our emotions
Hiding our smiles, thoughts and pride,
I hope we all learned something about each other
Through our screens and through our eyes.
I can’t explain it,
It’s as if all of my feelings left.
They left, avoiding the pit,
Feelings came attacking back at me, obsessed.
Hands gripping my throat,
I feel myself choking on words.
Spitting my quote,
Just wanting to be, struggling grabbing birds.
My granny my queen
Mother of 5 grandmother to 10
She loves us all as she says
From her brown bread to her dinner
She makes nothing that isn’t nice
She opens up a bottle of wine on a Friday night
Golf is her passion
She plays twice a week
She won ladies captain
What a thing to achieve
She loves watching hurling
And having her hair done
Nails always painted as she should
Holidays are her favourite
Especially in the sun
She comes home looking like a burnt hot dog bun
You May Think
You may think we are aliens,
You may think we are weird,
But in reality we are stronger than you.
They say we can be here,
But then they tell us oh no my dear.
I love a girl,
How does that make me any different?
Why can you not love me for me?
Never be Like You
I, will never be like you.
Because I don’t want to.
Every time I see your face oh boy you make me fume.
What the hell is wrong with you.
You’re supposed to be my friend.
My mate as they call it,
Your supposed to be there for me
And make me feel some form of fate as they call it.
Yet instead you lay around judging others and only thinking of yourself.
Now I’m bad with poems, so I Shan’t rant any longer.
But dear reader. This has to be said
You’ve lost yet another friend.
Dear mom, you raised me
Dear brother, you made me laugh
Dear sister, you tested my patience
Dear nanny, you thought me
Dear grandad, I miss you
Dear my best friends, you are everything
Dear my geography teacher, you’re my inspiration
Dear dad, why’d you leave me?
Covid 19 has affected the lives of so many.
Since March it has been the only thing on the telly.
We all left school, they had to shut.
Online classes were a pain in the butt.
No going out to see friends for fun
Coronavirus everywhere! Nowhere to run!
They let most things open in Mid July.
We went back to school to give it a try.
Masks are the latest thing we all must wear.
Someone needs a pen? Sorry we can share!
Now its January everything’s shut again
When will this terrible nightmare end!
Stressed, oppressed, lemon zest
I go into the world, then come home to rest
Feeling blessed, I detest, the troubles life places on my chest
Pressed, I drift into a daze
Not one of praise, but one of blaze
And after a while the ways and weighs
Lift from my gaze
And I upraise to my brighter days
Lockdown Number 3
Lockdown number 3, I’ve stopped complaining and just accepted it.
I miss my friends I miss school I miss my family
My dad works in the evenings, my mom takes care of my grandparents, my sister studying hard
At times, I feel all alone.
At times, I mope around the house doing my chores and doing my schoolwork
At times, I blast my favourite songs and dance like no one’s watching.
I can keep doing this until March
I can keep doing this until March
I can keep doing this until March
School life is such a bore,
Teachers expectations growing more and more,
School work feels like such a chore,
Until the bell rings at four.
What is all this homework for?
It all seems like such an eyesore,
All this work goes towards my score,
My score in life, my score therefore.
School life is such a bore.