Society
A constructed society to feed off insecurity
Leaving you to question every inch of your body
What is perfection? What is beauty?
Are we only worth the size of our booty?
Envious of an edited photo
Insecurity is an ingrained motto
Fake is perfection,
Real is just a misconception
On My Plate
I am on my plate and you are on your plate
The neurons in my brain make it hard to communicate
My undertones are anger, resentment and hate
But I still envy the people that I know cant relate
People in parts are on other planets
I can’t figure out all the different dynamics
I study all their colours, keep them in a palette
I’m a late bloomer and that’s how it happened
We can’t all be wrong
We cant all be soft and weak in the brain
We cant all be experiencing imaginary pain
We cant all be feeling despair in our veins
Folding under the pressure of the lives we maintain.
I have to apologise
For the self-centred nature of this very poem
Self absorbtion is the favourite tactic I know
Ignoring 7 billion others as their problems swell.
Some take their own initiative to say farewell
But how can I make their suffering mild
When I am an immature, self centered child.
Ponder
I often ponder with the stars
Today they spare a passing glance
Perhaps they see me as bizarre
Gaping at that great expanse
Ever so slowly light starts to seep in
I feel a cool draft brush past my skin
And so here I am watching the sun rise
Observing it lazily through tired eyes
I wake with the world
One step at a time
The stars know their meaning
It’s time to find mine
The Voice Screams
The voice screams louder as I stare at my plate
My hand shakes, my heart races
The spoon touches my lips , a spoon full of fear
My throat closes up , unable to breathe
Intrusive thoughts fill my brain
Unable to handle the pain
Tears fill my eyes
I swallow the food , the pain ,and everything with it
My battle begins and I don’t let that voice win
Love
Love will hurt you the most
It will rip your heart out from your chest
Love will suffocate you till you are out of breath
Love enjoys watching you suffer and beg for the pain to stop
But it will never stop
Always taught you would never be attacked by love
But now you are black and blue
Spitting blood out of your mouth
You talk about how you hate the pain
But once you are alone you enjoy the feeling
Some Mornings
Some mornings, I sit up in my bed and look out the window,
I focus on the curtains chaotically billowing in the wind,
The faint sound of lives being lived, in that moment I feel a sense of tranquillity,
As though I’m at the peak of a mountain.
Being in that moment forever would be bliss,
But as my attention drifts away, my window becomes mundane.
No One Wants
No one wants opinions of the earnest
Careful not to be the nonconformist
Keep your world viewed through an embrasure
Ignorance is bliss, minimize exposure
Lockdown
I hate lockdown
Awkward zoom calls
My connection is gone
From the outside world
I hate lockdown
Stay at home
I’m sick of the house
And I always want more
I hate lockdown
People don’t care
They meet up with friends
While my dad decimates my hair
I hate lockdown
It’s not cool
I feel trapped
Get me back to school
I hate lockdown
When will it end?
There’s always hope
Around the bend
I Wish
I wish I didn’t hope so much
Maybe then, I wouldn’t have held on
When you said those words
I knew the feeling was gone
I cried myself to sleep last night
I just want somebody to love me
Somebody to cling to when life isn’t fair
I just want somebody to love me
Someone who’ll stay
Love never dies
And I want it that way.
A year
Nothing has been done
It’s been a year, the mind doesn’t realise
We’ve been paused
The sudden social halt has shocked the system
I haven’t felt it
The once trivial activities, I miss it
The waves of tension, they march in
I’m defenceless
Was this virus only affecting us in one way?
Untitled
I live in a world where people are stuck inside,
The weather is violent almost a storm,
While people try to hold their heads up with pride,
We have to adapt to the new norm.
The children still play basketball in the street,
Coming inside to stamp their muddy feet.
The days feel longer in this lockdown,
And everywhere is empty all across town.
We
As we are walking through the street
We suddenly feel our hands meet
The love in your eyes
Reflect the truth of your lies
The promises we made
Was I just played
The nice character you portrayed
I am mad that I stayed
Now I drown out the pain with the laughter
Turns out it was all a disaster
Untitled
My father that is the man you once were
You were my idol, my hero, my male role model
But then you got angry, you got mad. I found it so hard to understand
You walked off with this woman, this stranger.
Who is now my forced automatic family
Why her, why did you leave, I can’t help but worry it was me.
What was wrong with your pre-existing family
You were once the man I called father. But now it’s just an illusion.
You don’t have the same soul, the same kind nature
You are now selfish and hate driven
You were once the man I called father
And how I miss that man
Life
Seven line marks written on the arm holes in the wall
You see the end close by you fall and you crawl
And you see the light asking for the way
Seeing friends as the enemy self-violence is the way
You stand and you fight and you hold your head high
You scream and you cry and you refuse to die
At the end of the day it’s all a repeat
But it’s worth the pain, seeing life to its complete
Day after Day
Unrecognisable days shoot by
Day after day not even a chance to sigh
The lockdown isn’t bliss
But patience is needed at times like this
Long nights, restless
Never thought my like would feel tasteless
Without the need to get up or fight
Like the end is never in sight
The day it is when we can cohere
And forget the days that disappear.
MINE
My mind gone numb from all the thoughts racing through
My body gone limp with strain, what a wimp
Passive but displeasing, will it draw to end?
Passive but all mine, I want to keep it
Feels horrid, feels wrong, but I will make it right
Feels horrid, feels wrong, but I can make it right
It is mine after all, I can do what I want
My mind gone numb, I’m beat and jaded
My body gone limp, but I don’t want to rest
Passive turned aggressive, I won’t stop
Passive means unproductive, I want to live
IT IS MINE AND MINE TO CHOOSE
IT IS MINE AND MINE TO LIVE
I won’t sleep tonight, I feel too alive
I will reach peak and I will make sense
I don’t know sh*t, I just got dreams too big
I’ll fit them on a wall and string them into words
I’ll play them on guitar and cut them into skin
I know I’ll stutter, I know I’ll cry
I’ll know I’ll wish to rip out my eyes
But the bruises will fade and the scars will heal
I may return to passive but I won’t come to heel
My mind gone numb from all the thoughts racing through
My body gone limp with strain, what a wimp
Passive but displeasing, will it draw to end?
Passive but all mine, I want to keep it
Feels horrid, feels wrong, but I will make it right
Feels horrid, feels wrong, but I can make it right
It is mine after all, I can do what I want
The pressure to be, the pressure to pretend
F*ck it all, I can write my own rules
IT IS MINE TO CHOOSE
IT IS MINE TO LIVE
IT IS MINE TO WRITE
IT IS MINE TO BUILD
IT IS MINE TO RUIN
Behind the Screen
I come from a place, from the outside it looks great.
Everyone calls me lucky, but inside I feel yucky.
If I don’t do as they say, I’m quickly shoved away.
If I start getting curious, they start to get furious.
“What are you doing? I think you’re unscrewing.”
“This isn’t normal, you’re becoming unformal.
And there’s that word “Normal”
And it’s that word that causes suppression and in succession give us depression.
Our health is our wealth but not when it’s mental
For then they don’t care about being gentle.
For them it’s about what’s being seen
And never what’s going on behind the screen
Untitled
As the meaningless days go by
I sit here and begin to wonder why
All these weeks of doing nothing and hoping
Really makes time fly by
These Four Walls
These four walls can shape a man
They can give you space and let you grow
Or become five feet tall and can break a man
Sometimes its good to leave this house
And get away from those five foot walls
Boys will be Boys
Boys.
Full of urges which they cannot control,
Whistles that they cannot possibly withhold.
How could I blame them that a dark alleyway makes me walk a little quicker?
For the eyes I feel examine every inch of my teenage figure?
The harmless smirk that does nothing but suggest.
The fear of going out in public with just a vest.
Boys are boys though, right?
Raised to be strong, to fight.
Never to cry, to be a man.
But does that mean that we should be treated as less than?
My Teenage Years
My teenage years are distancing and masks
And way to much school tasks
We’re meant to tackle global warming and not us up our data roaming
Teens’ mental health going through the wars
And all teachers care about is whose coming through their doors
Girls can’t walk alone at night, while boys are forced into street fights
Its not fair, and yet adults don’t care
And why should they, they’ve done their youth days
Nature Of Hate
Why does everybody hate.
I honestly just cannot relate
No matter what there is no satisfy
So please tell me why
Don’t get with men, she’s stuck in a rut
I act tough and they call me a barbarian
My friends betray me they’re caesarian
Opening up I’d rather get sick
Why do the overwhelming masses love to hate
Is it just my impending inescapable unyielding fat
Inane Stutter
Stupid, inane stutter
You’ve sullied my name
You made me look weak
And how do gain?
You made me want to collapse to the ground
Is it me? am I who you detest
Is it on me why I can only make sound
Is it why I can’t string words together when I speak
Is it justified that I don’t look competent when I declare
That my words get interrupted by air
To my stupid inane stutter, why should I care
Falling
Falling from grace,
A long way down,
I try to climb,
Lying with the weight.
From wounds to scars,
A long way down,
Life has changed,
Living with the weight.
Summer
Summer is staying out later then allowed.
Refusing lifts and meals as you’re too proud.
Going out all day with your mates.
Not wanting to go home to accept your fate.
Pretending your older then you are,
So you can buy drinks from a bar.
Buying brand new shoes, crisp white.
So different from the summers where you were young and used to fly a kite.
Now its all about fun and second hand smoke,
As you sneak out late and try not to smoke.
Hustle and Bustle
The hustle and bustle of the rush hour bus
Crowds of people feel the streets without any fus
The squeaking sound of trainers on a basketball court
Or the early morning drive to the Dublin airport
Simple things like school time lunch
Sharing with your friends so you can all have a much
Things you don’t miss until they’re gone
How much longer will this go on
I See
Do we end where we began
Is the word progress just a sham
When we reach our ultimate goal
Will we really be consoled?
When I look to people above me
I see they are never more happy than me
Too Fat, Too Skinny
Too fat too skinny, too thick too thin
I can say I love it but I’ll always just suck in,
She’s so perfect I wish I looked like her
Anorexia bulimia she’s plotted her own murder,
We see the model smiling as they walking the runway
But the industry is killing them to look perfect
Calorie counter and diets they wouldn’t dare to stray
But the fat I see in the mirror someone else would kill to have
Blinded by social media I cant see my own beauty
But my body is my protector
One of a kind I love her
But only because it’s my duty.
The Frustrating Feeling
The frustrating feeling of getting nowhere,
Staring blankly at a page yet I’m fully aware,
I have no motivation and plenty of distraction.
Every day, from my bed to my desk.
Not doing much work,
But not getting much rest.
It’s hard to relax.
When I’m at home I’m in school, its not easy adjusting to that
My thoughts switch off as I stare at a screen
Telling me all the things I need to do,
Sure I’ll do them next week.
Honour Roll
They should’ve put you on the honour roll
Plastered all along the wall
Build it up and tear it down
Live it up and spend it well
Burn it so you need it gone
Smoke it up and breathe it in
It’s too late now to see its wrong so
What you get it what you give
And though you don’t know what’s in store
There’s static on the other line
You’re staring through the smokescreen and
They took your mouth so you can’t scream
Taking back just what they stole
They should’ve put you on the honour roll
‘Untitled’
Today I will live in the dark
I woke with a yearning for a feeling so little
I wish to get up but my bones they are brittle
So I will lay here
As my bed sheets turn red
With the blood of my own
That I haven’t yet fed
And when I say hello to the strangers I know
I’ll see myself cold and sour
These Times
During these times the days drag on
The days just waste away and we are all fed up
We all just sit here and don’t know what to do
We all struggling but work together
A Heart
A heart is a heavy burden
We use it in so many ways
Yet in so little ways
From the moment of our first heartbreak
To the sound of someone cheering you
“Well done!” for scoring your first goal in football
The heart feels something like no other thing feels
Validation, Pain, Joy, Sadness
All these emotions yet we still never truly speak from it
As I Come From
As I come from afar
From a house to a home
And from a place to a family
I know family comes from within
And not blood
Hum
Pluck a string on a bass
Let the buzz ring through
It will consume you.
Eat you up and leave you empty
Foggy like the purple of mixed paint
I’m screaming behind thick glass
Powerless to stop it.
I Sit Here
I sit here on a chair struggling to write about something I care not about
No ideas come appear stuck in a metaphorical drought
I’m not even sure if I’m writing a poem or a paragraph
But of course who am I to assume a difference is even apparent
Still I remain seated stuck for ideas and passion
But who knows maybe this emotion I feel a dry and meaningless thing
Is really just my hunger what can I say I want a sandwich
Walk
When walking down a nice street and dropping my head
So it’s looking at my feet when a group of men whistle and beep
And all I can do is giggle and freeze.
I can’t retaliate I can’t scream I’m left silent and a victim to my own street.
I don’t bother and tell the police what this group of men said to an underage teen,
It wouldn’t change anything for me so I stay silent and walk down my street.
Stuck
The movies made it seem so great
Even the unrequited ones
Found their fate
So why does it hurt so much for me
Because I feel so stuck
Unable to break free
I Belong
I belong with the sea, with the wind, with the air,
As my feet brush through the sand I know longer have care.
Sanity
Sanity is early morning baking when the sun’s just come up
With Netflix keeping me company and the house still sleeping
Sanity is long uphill cycles to a view of the sea and the fields
And the wind in my hair and a real smile on my face
Sanity is calling people for dinner and serving it
While dancing around the kitchen to music i’d never admit I like
Sanity is late nights with tea and cake lost in stories from far off lands and times
Sanity is jigsaw puzzles at the kitchen table
When the pieces slot into place and the noise around me dims
Sanity is walks with friends without news in places you never want to see again
Exchanging rants and complaints
Sanity is moments of quiet where the world melts away and I can just be
Patience
Patience in needed at times like this but for some it’s more than a time like this.
Set backs require patience and hard work and consistency.
Set backs feel like your chance is gone, it’s over and no coming back.
Set backs make you rush to get back but at times like this all they require is patience.
Personally I’ve had my first set back and since I’ve come back from it’s only made me for ready.
One Day In
One day in, one day out,
And what’s it all about?
Money, fame or just making it by?
‘Cause I’m not the good or bad guy,
Just another life.
But I want significance, meaning,
To make colours never before seen,
I’m just from a world overpopulated
But maybe relevance is overrated
Contentment is what’s needed.
All a Guise
As you square up to him,
You can smell the stink of gin.
Much younger than he is,
But a head taller than the man
That used to carry you on his shoulders.
You stare him in the eyes,
But really its all a guise.
As inside you are ripped to shreds,
You stare down at the top of his head.
This Room
As I sit in this room of tranquillity,
A room I have wished for so long to stay in,
I feel that I have finally escaped,
The hustle of a relentless world,
But I sense something is wrong,
The bright walls of the room have become bars,
Weaving their ugly grey bodies,
To form an unwelcoming cage,
And I realise then that the place I want to be,
Is forever the other side
Untitled
Skip an English class,
Sure its only doss,
Head round to the shops for a fillet roll and a Lucozade,
Two hard-men huddled outside,
Smoking green; and sculling a can,
This is where I come from,
Its not a rough area,
Its just Dublin,
Its home,
People get robbed, jumped,
Stabbed over a minor debt,
The city has cold nights,
But a warm heart,
I love it here,
But jaysus,
I can’t wait to leave.
Untitled
Will someone say my name
I’m here, don’t go away
I’ve lost so much, I mean come on
I’m only a child,
I can’t move on.
Often
Often I wonder why I find writing so hard
This makes me hate it and find it is so boring and terrible
And listening to other peoples creativity makes it unbearable
Brightens my Day
The way it can just brighten my day
When it appears, my heart goes all fuzzy
I love it more than words can say,
It’s just as sweet as cookies but to me sweeter than honey!
A small crunch with a hint of softness.
Although it can cost a lot of money,
It makes me sad with it’s shortness.
Without them my world is empty and sad,
Without them I’d go mad.
I sure do love macrons.
Baked Beans
Baked beans are the best
Especially on crispy toast
And even with some cheese or fresh soft bread
Never not craving baked beans
Satisfaction with every bite I can’t have enough
I Will
I will squeeze you till you pop
I will do the cha cha slide all over your face
I will snap like I never have before
And make you pay for the pain you have caused you bore.
In That Moment
It was at the girls’ sleepover in primary
When we were all getting changed
That Ella said, ‘You all have matching pyjamas
And then I’m here in leggings and a t-shirt!’
With a laugh and a lowering of her pretty head
And, in that moment,
We all wished we had non-matching pyjamas too.
Sometimes
Sometimes I get sad, and I wonder am I aloud.
I’m not depressed, not even a bit- I have no reason, no right to be.
I have everything and nothing, makes no difference to me.
Home
Home is stopping a great attack
Scoring a nice long free
Home is where I pass the ball
And sometimes might receive
Home is lifting the trophy
And bus rides with the team
The pitch when I’m home
Rhyme
I was sitting in the sun
Eating a bun
With a nun
Making a terrible pun