Life is an oddity, honestly?
I hate the world for what it’s done to me
Already I feel the need for quantity
I hate it
This unnatural greed
Is a seed that’s been planted
Learned, taught, and burnt into me
Burnt into all of us
The ones who rust
Working every day for for a face
Just to keep our place
Above the waves
I wonder sometimes will this rage fade
This pain fade
Will the anger be worn to a dull blade
As the hooks spear me to my bones
And make me into those
That find joy inside the machine
Gleam fun inside the tiny sheen
Of sunlight in their prison cell
When the world waits outside the cogs
I feel like I’m drowning,
This world is surrounding,
Me and I keep on floundering,
Trying to find,
Dome peace of mind,
In this hellscape that we call fine,
This world is confusing,
It cuts and it bruises me,
And I feel like I’m losing,
They all say.
Its okay to be gay,
But then look your way,
And there’s hate in their gaze,
And now I’m running away,
And I’m panting for breath,
And there’s someone chasing me,
And they want me dead,
But the path ends too soon,
And there’s nothing to do,
Except turn and face my chaser,
My imminent doom,
But low and behold, I know that face,
Cause the person behind me, who’s giving me chase,
So what do you do,
When you’re afraid of yourself,
Do you lie on the ground and call out for death,
Cause these legs that helped me run,
Are proof I am strong,
So I’ll soldier on,
With love in my heart,
The Chains of Society
This world was made to hurt us, just because we don’t fit in,
It could be that we’re gay or black, or just too feminine
This patriarchal system that tries to put us in a box,
It tries to tell us how to act and then starts hunting us like hawks,
It tries to silence our voices, make our struggles go unseen,
It cries ‘They have it easy, they’re just over-dramatic teens’,
And I’m tired of being picked on, of being kicked to the floor,
And I’m sick of this endless struggle, but still I fight some more,
Because I won’t let you shut me up and I won’t lay down to die,
I won’t follow the rules of your game until you look me in my eye,
And say ‘I designed this world to hurt you, because you don’t fit in my vision’,
And no one seems to care, because this carries on, barely hidden,
They took away my pride and they took away myself,
And when I look in a mirror, I just see someone else,
Now my manacles are heavy, and when I try to walk they ring,
So until the good fights over,
I lift up my head and sing.
I’m a prisoner in my mind,
Nowhere to go, nowhere to hide.
All of this work being assigned,
What I need is an honest guide.
The questions that I need to ask,
Oh, this won’t be an easy task.
How do we live like this,
Oh, the things that I miss,
Silly jokes, no one will get,
No reason to be upset,
Now we are distancing,
Meeting up with a friend,
But now I fear this is the end.
And it is amidst this stifling serenity that clarity is born,
It is wailing and shrieking and you have never been a mother before,
The clarity clings and scrapes and holds on so tightly
And you cannot help but resent motherhood,
You have never had to nurture something before,
Nor have you ever been a quick learner.
When years have passed and you are
But another ornament that is lost among the cluttered wallpaper, clarity whispers to you.
Serenity is dead,
Serenity died so long ago and you cannot help
But feel as though serenity never really served it’s purpose.
You are still here, in your rocking chair, and clarity is clambering up into your lap.
“I am beautiful, am I not? ”
You had never before realized how earnest clarity’s gaze was.
You are not a liar, not even for the delicate.
“No,” you bite.
And oh, have you bitten.
Clarity launches back, ripping from your hold.
The teeth marks, the bite marks, they are vicious.
The distant rumbling of rebirth is in your peripheral.
Serenity died so long ago.
Most of Us
Most of us remain unpublished
Cloaked in everlasting pressure.
Living with heartache, loneliness, worry,
Our normal table fare consists of hand to hand into mouth combat.
We engage, to survive, just to stay alive.
“It’s Part of Growing Old”
The drag in my body
Trying to get out of bed
“When will this ever end?”.
The sadness in my bones,
Just being told “its part of growing old”
Tell why its never ending,
My hopes and my dream are vanishing.
One day at a time,
I hope to get better,
But happy thoughts are like the rain;
Dropping going “pitter patter”.
One day will come,
And all the clouds are gone
And i’ll look back at myself and say;
“look at this young one,
She achieved what she thought was gone”
Please Don’t Say It
Excuses, excuses ‘It’s in the quote’, ‘It’s just a joke’.
To you it is.
Is my pain something to laugh at?
I’m not bleeding so just get over that.
Walk it off.
F Slurs all round, I’m feeling lost
Please stop saying it.
There’s torture in your words there’s bullets flying from your mouth.
You know it makes me mad, I’m heading down the wrong route
I snapped and I storm out and still empathy they lack.
You laugh at me, snickering behind my back.
Your words are knives, you know they are.
It’s one word you don’t need.
Please I’m on my knees.
I have to be tough.
Can’t let the brick wall break
Even if my brave face is fake.
The tears are welling in my eyes
This mask is my only disguise.
I can’t keep this brave face forever
But living in this world of terror
I have to be tough.
Anonymity is nice sometimes
Like right now, with everyone’s’ talent shining bright
But anonymity is lonely too
When it’s a popularity contest,
no one else is in the contest,
because they can talk brightly with each other
without the anxiety and overthinking.
Off the bus, through the gate,
Into the building, never late.
Through the halls, I often meander,
And always notice the school standards,
A group of boys, talking loud
Being obnoxious but still they’re proud
A nasty comment or two they fling
But no one else does anything
Doesn’t matter if they don’t know
Or if they’re putting on a show,
They have an influence it seems,
The school standards they’re setting in scene.
A group of girls beside the classroom
With just one stare they put you in gloom,
They’ll then give you a fake smile
And bad-mouth you for a little while
Their makeup covers up a lot
Makes you self-conscious of your one spot
They only have one function to me
To assert the school standards you always see,
Out of the building, out of the gate
Into the bus, never late
Is there a point of fitting in?
To please the school standards seen within?
Since the day I was born,
Since the day I was born I’m told to be good at something,
To find something I enjoy, to find fun and happiness,
Being told I should not have any weaknesses being forced,
Being forced to learn word by word from things I despise,
Being told at the end of the day it’s all for a big paycheck prize.
When life isn’t all rainbows and sunshine
When over half the world is full with poverty and crime,
Covered up by technology and wealth while people starve.
People starve while some are hungry, hungry for war,
War to prove they mean something wanting to go down in battlefield,
Wanting to earn medals for their country, wanting to be known.
Wanting to be known, wanting to be known.
Only a Child
The wolf-whistle sung from across the road by the group of men,
They know I’m young and they know their grown,
But yet they still holler out to me.
Women have this constant fear,
Because men can’t seem to stay clear.
When will this ever change,
I’m only a child for god sake
Regret will not kill you,
For to die would be a forgiving end.
Regret will make you live,
For to live with one’s own judgemental inflict
Is the worst sentence possible.
Since when did life become so grey,
Sometimes I want to run away,
From all the global problems now,
They just fill me with fear and doubt,
Icecaps, they quickly fade away,
And us sitting at home all day,
But in the end, there’s always light,
So stick together for the fight,
Although we think there is no hope,
Don’t just sit at home and mope,
Covid will soon be on the mend,
Let’s stick it out until the end.
Contemplations with a Clothes Dryer
The warm humid air
The sound of my churning clothes
Fills my mind with quiet tranquility
Could this be the same
The same mind that but this morning
Crashed against my will like stormy waves
Taking my breath away
My thoughts away
Unable to move I find myself
Whisked away on ocean currents
My soul miles from my still body
The smallest word or request
Threw me back beneath the glum salty waves
“Were all in this together'”
But I feel so alone’
“It will be over soon,”
But it feels everlasting,
“Everyone is doing so well,”
But I feel like I’ve done nothing.
What’s a feeling
Walking through the empty halls,
Staring at the painted walls,
Grab my bag and start to pack,
Tearing posters from blue tack.
Get in line and start to leave,
So close to others I can hear them breathe.
Two weeks off, we’re free from school,
Thinking it will be so cool.
Now I stare into a screen,
At people, I would love to meet,
I’m trying to make lockdown fun,
Climbing mountains in the sun,
With Family, laughing, boring for some,
Stick together, the end of this will come.
Free as a Bird
Supposed to be as free as a bird
Not confined to the ground with my vision blurred
I can’t clear the leaves from here
They are too far under the bush this year.
Its 35 degrees,
Why do I feel like I’m about to freeze
The blood dripped onto the flower
Once pure white now reaching its final hour
My body scorned to intake the pain
Now withers away like a paper crane
I’m so perfect
I’m so perfect I often get made fun of for trying
I’m so perfect I have no issues or problems in this world
According to others and the ones I do are hardly important
I’m so perfect I’m used as an example to younger members of what they should strive to be
I’m so perfect with my white privilege and people constantly trying to up lift me because I am female
I’m so perfect I can’t truly express my opinion in case of judgement
I’m so perfect I often stress over whether they fake laughed at my joke to be nice
I’m so perfect my mind is wired to perfection to the point it scares me
I’m so perfect I’m scared of rejection
I’m so perfect I destroy my happiness to impress others
I’m so perfectly wrapped in insecurities and exhaustion
I’m so damn perfect
Day to Day
Tired of doing the day to day,
The mundane has got me feeling gray,
Wake up, get up, do your work, go to sleep,
And when that’s done you repeat.
I Used To
I used to talk face to face, now I talk through screens
I used to hug people, now I look through glass
I used to be free, now I feel trapped
What I used to have, is what I want back
It’s okay, I still love you
But do you love me too?
Silly me, surely you do
Of course, because it’s my hands
My hands that cause the blood stream down my legs and arms
But your hands are the ones that cause the warfare in my mind that brings my own to the knife
But it’s okay because you surely love me too
All days feel the same
The curtains open
And the sky’s grey
I have no motivation anymore
I’m not even bothered
To clean my floor
But at least summer’s coming soon
That’ll be fun
I Love Losing
I love losing.
Crying over love, over tragedies the size of full history book pages,
Timeless art lost in gallery fires, bad poetry gone viral and unpublished classics discarded.
I, poet, laugh out loud in disbeliefs at sunsets and other banalities.
Take a spring rain showers and act at times like a hipsters on ether.
The suns gaze comes in through the window,
I sigh and I wish again,
“When can I be out there and not in front of this screen again”
I do my work with a heavy mind and heavy eyes,
I miss the sun and I miss the wind
When will this pandemic end.
There is a madness hear
Madder than a having tea with a rabbit
Madder living when you’re meant to die
Madder than dying when you were meant to live
Madder than finding peace with it all
Madder than the burden it drapes over you
These days are quite mad aren’t they
The Last Man Alive
The last man alive on earth sat alone in an empty room,
Contemplating not living his life anymore.
The last man alive an earth sat alone in an empty room,
There was a knock at the door.
Looking at Screens
Looking at screens for most of my teens,
Want to be out with my friends,
Can’t wait for covid 19 to end,
Its been a hard time for most
The best thing now is waiting for post,
Hopefully it will be over soon,
so we can enjoy our summer by the end of June
I’ve been searching for ideas
On what to write this poem about
As I’m lying in my bed thinking of what my life’s about
Feeling restricted there’s nothing I can do
Only wishing I could see you
First day of school when I was four
Kicking and screaming till my throat was sore
Clutching the shirt of my mother
That’s frowned upon at my age now
Now its a debate, I dont know how
Do I have too? Please don’t make me?
Maybe tomorrow-I’ll try kicking and screaming again
I’m only 16
Stuck in my room
Dark room full of doom
I want to go out
Without covering my mouth
And talk to my friends
I don’t like poems
I don’t right poems
I don’t like stories
I don’t right stories
They don’t click
Literature, words on a page
It doesn’t mean anything to me
Forced upon me from a young age
Forced to read and write
And forced to have grammar and spelling good enough to proof read a novel
Literature, writing, reading, stories, novels, books, poetry
Its not for me