I stare into the mirror
And a single tear rolls down my cheek
I wilt in the gaze of something contorted, something wretched
Marred by disfigurements that run deeper than the superficial,
My eyes cavernous, unblinking, weeping
I stand a hollow shell.
I stare into the mirror
And without fully knowing why,
I am abhorred by the sight of myself.
I can neither describe nor illustrate what meets my eyes at the mirror’s scornful screen;
Unknowable and ever-present it hangs above my head,
I stand too petrified to speak.
The mirror stares into me
And refuses to comply
To my self-perception, my self-pity, my self portrait.
The solace granted in closed eyes and daydreams is nowhere to be found
Leaving only myself and my reflection
I stand solemn and alone.
The mirror stares into me
And in that moment my greatest fears and I become one
And in that moment no words can console me
And in that moment no salvation can repair me
And in that moment, my whole life is laying before me
I stand, still, because I cannot run.
Deep breaths in and out
Oxidize those drowned lungs
Quick! Compress those metallic eyes into your skull
Maybe not seeing will make the world less dull
Maybe you’ll fade out of existence
Oblivion has its comforts
You squeeze yourself into a little ball
Do you feel better now that you’re so small?
Rocking back and forth in rhythm with the shrinking room
Do you feel better now that your hands have stopped trembling?
Do you feel better now that your breath has returned?
It will pass they say,
So you convince yourself that it won’t come back the next day
I Don’t Know
I don’t know where to go,
I don’t know why they stare,
I don’t know why they decide to look me up and down and follow me everywhere.
I don’t know why they manipulate,
I don’t know why they control,
I don’t know who gave them the power to make me feel down and alone.
I don’t know where to go,
I don’t know where to hide,
I don’t know where I’m going to find that one thing that will make me feel alright.
I don’t know where it went,
I don’t know if it’ll come back
I don’t know why it’s rare to feel safe and normal to be under attack.
I don’t know what to do
I don’t know what to say
I don’t know if I should stand my ground or if I should just walk away.
Likes & Expectations
My likes are my only value,
My clicks, views and shares.
They are all that matter to me,
All I need to tend my cares.
My feed is filled with pictures
Of stunning models galore.
Of sweat pants in the gym
Or tan lines by the shore.
They live these lives of luxury,
On their high horses of fame.
Making all the others wonder
“Why can’t I be the same?”
But these perfect lives you see,
Are built from illusions and lies.
They starve and endure pain,
To please their viewers eyes.
They are idols of the unachievable.
Gods of the absurd!
Yet, we follow them with hopes and dreams
That we too, can someday be heard.
Now my blindfold has been lifted
And I can see clearly once more.
I now know that likes aren’t what matter in life,
But the path you choose to explore.
Eyes glazed over, reflecting today’s tragedy
As foreign cities cry to me, we marvel at the spectacle.
The climate is in crisis, we are bleeding on the streets
News just in: I find it hard to care.
Leo and Mícheál telling us to take action
When their emails are clogged with young people
Begging them to change.
Why should I listen to you when you don’t listen to me?
Why should I go on as normal, when it’s anything but?
We are so burnt out, and it’s here that we rot.
I long for the day I can walk home alone,
Not fearing for my safety while gripping my phone,
“Don’t stay out late, don’t be on your own”,
Fake phone-calls and longer routes is all we have ever known.
Headlights grow brighter and closer in the distant,
That anxiety and worry ringing through your mind stays persistent.
As you walk, another lady passes by,
That’s only an extra ten seconds of safety from the bad guy.
The car drives past, you let out a sigh of relief,
But you know this feeling will only be brief,
All we want is the warmth and safety of our beds,
But the tragedies of the women before us stay implanted in our heads.
I am Stuck
I cannot get out
Keep being told I need to go
But there is no clear route
Bound by shackles
Tying me down
The weight of the water
I think I might drown
The crashing of stormy waves
Yet i’m still stuck at sea
Locked in a cage
And I’ve thrown away the key
I call out for help
But there is no rescue in sight
I’m staving in the famine
In the midst of a blight
I’m not sure how long I will last here
The air is running thin
The lashing of my loneliness
Is like whips on bare skin
I run through the streets and down the paths
Full of excitement. I see the hill and I start
My ascent. Panting I am determent to succeed
But suddenly I freeze. They stalk me like sharks,
There eyes strip me down and refuse to let me pass.
Is it to pay respect to me? No!
It is to assert your dominance in your pack
To try get into my pants!
What a world us girls must face
When nobody stays with you,
When it’s not physical harm,
But it’s more destructive,
When you pass your nights crying in your bed,
Under your sheets at 2.00 am and nobody it’s there for you.
Only you, alone.
In the dark.
Stand up by yourself.
Find the light.
All it matters is you.
I catch your eye looking in my direction,
Waves pounding the rocky wooden platform,
Was this love or friendship?
Teenage romance is confusing,
Was I too afraid or too in love that I was afriad?
Too many months went by,
I swore, if only I had tried
Why must you judge others and be so critical
You decide how you feel about them in less than a minute
Truth be told looks are not everything
Yes I’m talking to you all of ye shallow souls
If you truly want happiness you must look within
Personality is permeant, looks are only temporary
A pretty face is destroyed by an ugly attitude
Stop judging, get to know people first
Growing up feeling alone
Going on walks just to be on my own
Everyday imagining a different life
Hiding my emotions good or bad
Just so people around me
Don’t have to worry
Having my walls up all the time
So scared to let people in
Fear of what could happen
I’m a young man, sixteen years of age.
People always tell me treasure my youth days.
That I these shouldn’t be forsaken,
That I shouldn’t be mistaken.
Being prepared for the workforce,
That this should set my life on the right course.
Pressured into doing things by the people around me
But little do they see,
I got more on my shoulders than you could ever imagine,
Its like wondering around dark scary dungeon.
The light always there,
But never within reach, its not fair.
These days are said to be the best,
I don’t even want to get thinking about the rest.
So as I leave my home for a new life,
I hope I’m ready, I hope I just might.
I come from a place where the trees are green and kids are playing but I was always shy
It was hard for me to ask and join in.
The words get caught in my throat, my face goes red and my palms start to sweat.
I try to build up the courage but always overthink.
I think they are staring or laughing at me and end up walking away.
You judge them,
You make comments,
You don’t support them.
And now I’m scared,
How will you judge me? Will you?
Will you comment behind my back too?
All I want is your support,
To make you proud.
All those lost hours of craic and fun,
All those hours of zoom calls and staring at screens,
Not really knowing what any of it means,
All those signs telling you to #HoldFirm,
Just waiting and waiting for our day to come,
But where something is lost there’s always something to be found,
A beauty in the struggle,
A voice amongst the crowd,
And one day when life returns back to normal,
We’ll remember with pride,
The days that we saved lives.
The thing I like about identity,
Is that it’s so inherent,
We are who we are,
So why should anyone tell us different,
To find who you are is not easy,
But as they say it’s all about the journey,
So be, however you want to be,
For it’s not labels,
But what you feel is your Identity.
We are All in Waiting
We are all in waiting,
Waiting for the liberation of freedom and fun,
Waiting for the day people can shake hands
And not worry,
Waiting for the this limbo to end and
New beginnings to begin,
We are all in waiting no matter who you are,
But someday we’ll all meet in a bar
And laugh and smile and travel in the same car.
We are all in waiting
The life you live is that of a river,
It flows through the course,
It might hit a beaver dam that blocks its way,
Or rain will pound it down.
They will make you feel as if it’s done for or small,
But no matter how long it takes the river breaks them down,
The river breaks through the dam,
Some beavers will drown but if they exist only to stop the river,
Do they belong in it at all?
No matter how much rain there is,
After it clears the river is bigger and stronger than ever before,
Stronger than the next beaver dam.
The new river is relied upon for life,
Deer’s and foxes need it to exist.
No matter what the river feels,
No matter how much the river wants to stop flowing and give in to the beavers and rain,
The river will always be needed for someone,
The Rays of Sun
The rays off the sun beam off the glass window,
Coffee turns to ice tea,
Hoodies turn to bikinis,
Stew turns to an evening bbq,
8am turns to 1pm,
Summer has begun another year has flown by,
‘Stop the clocks’ she says, another year can’t have passed,
I live in a place where by the age of thirteen knuckles are bloody
Nothing to worry about its just our daily life
Take a smoke and a drink to seem cool
No point for books none of us are in school
Walk on the right side of the path and leave them alone
Dont look up and smile keep your head in your phone
Trynna grow up too fast and trying to move on
When in reality we all need to just get along
I’m living in a lockdown
It feels like I’m living a nightmare
I’m bound to wake up, is what I tell myself
Living in the now is scary as hell
And not knowing when it is going to end
Is driving my mad
My anxiety is here too
Scaring me more by saying this war
I can’t fend it off
And it keeps telling me
That the world is ending
Whether I like it or not
I am scared of corona
I feel like I’m going crazy
Everyday in my house
Being bound to my home
Makes this feel too real
The government telling me
Do not see your friends
The lack of socialisation
Is what drives me mad
Doing the same thing day over day
It will end soon
I am hopeful
I need it to end
To be back to normal.
We are the forgotten and unseen,
We witness wars through the dim screen,
We question our meaning and big dreams,
We are put down by those in the high seat,
We look at the suffering and ask “if that were me”,
We know that this must change but where to start,
Is a drop that much in a desert vast?
How much time do I waste
When I spend the extra five minutes in bed
Or scroll aimlessly through a twitter thread
What if I’m braindead
Should every second have a pupose
What could I have done
With that time
If I hadn’t been so obsessed with that rhyme
If I hadn’t tried to perfect every line
How much could I achieve
If the opinions of others didn’t matter to me
Isn’t even mine
Love Instead Of Hate
I love to love.
I love the smell of old books or your looks.
I love looking too long in the sun, or to run, not holding on.
I love the rain and the first ray of sun.
I love being awake when everyone else is asleep or seeing others succeed.
I love your bad habits and freckles and scars.
Spending nights looking at stars.
All these things I love and keep, do they make me weak?
What do I get?
Makes me wonder is there love for me?
Makes me wonder if I ever gonna find something to love about myself
Loyalty is a big issue for me
It’s hard to find as far as I can see
It seems easy for people to talk behind backs
And thats just facts
People are summed up by what they say
But frankly it’s a disgrace
It should be by the actions they do
They isn’t anything more true
Outside my Window
I look outside my window every morning, at the trees, the birds and the bees.
I go for walks, stop for talks, but when I start thinking,
I feel like I’m sinking deeper and deeper until I see the light
Which shines so bright and pulls me away,
Just so I have a reason to stay and keep my worries at bay.
What if I embarrass myself
What if I miss a lot of assignments
What if I get sick
What if I overthink
I’m sick of my thoughts they’re wrecking my head
I don t like to complain
So I won’t it like it’s giving me any gain
So I won’t
But I’m going tell one thing though
Staying positive has helped through the boredom
So stay happy and you won’t get out alone
The world isn’t fair, we’re in despair
Some not heard, some mistreated
Some people feeling cheated
If you’re alone pick up the phone
Because in the end we stand together
Life is a Game
Life is a game, that’s causes a lot of pain
You live, have fun but sometimes it drives you insane.
Good days, bad days come and go but it wouldn’t be any fun, if you couldn’t put on a show.
Wake up in the morning be grateful for what you have
Instead of sitting there moaning about the lad who made you sad.
Why try so hard to fit in, it’s funnier standing out,
Give people a chance to see what there about.
Life is a test, so try your best it’s all we got so why don’t you give it one shot
What a year its been
When it started, I was 14 now I’m 16
Mask are everywhere to be seen
U have to make sure your hands are clean
14 days in quarantine
In front of the TV is where you’ve been
I’m annoyed, I’m pissed, I can’t put up with this crap
Why is it most things in the mainstream never seems to fit
Either my support for trump, or thinking a certain game is boring
It seems every time the media, telling me I must act according
Stop it, stop it, its pushing me away
Making me feel as if no one wants me to stay
Teaching during Covid and our schools have exploded
Google meet is our only way to greet
The students that we have tried to engage
Are bored and feel like they are in a cage.
Tune in, turn on your cameras and submit on time.
These teenagers are in their prime.
Trapped at home without friends or contact
How can they be told to not over react.
Men are living
Men are alive
One day men will die
This is sad not going to lie
But we live so on forever more
Men can be idiots
But I am man
Man am I