Nowhere To Be
When i was born life was tough
in a mobile home with not enough
no money to my parents name and no motivation for life just pain.
we were kicked out of homes
no place to go, nowhere to be?
what could i do?
i didnt know i was only three
to this day life is still tough
da isnt around and my mas had enough
sees me on the streets, knows im not doing well
not succeeding in school
soon enough shell kick me out and ill be living in a motel.
i do try my best to make my family happy
from odd jobs to sports
always resulting in late night sobs and all sorts.
the money isnt there
the pressure isnt fair
i want my life to be better
and i want to get somewhere.
Eating the same meals everyday and never seeing any progress
and always wondering should i be eating less
wanting everything a man can want
and never been found of a slag or a tauntin
the future i hope i can look back and say
wow my god that was a load of crap
growing up wondering why my parents can’t parent
makes me feel sometimes transparent
my brother was always helping me
trying to give me a decent enough childhood
the childhood he never had
Jaysus, we don’t even have the same dad
well I’ll tell ye, i do cry,
I am not the strongest,
but i’m working on me
and that’s all i need.
My house is nice
My area is quiet
My parents are together
And my life is easy
I look further afield
At my friends and peers
And can still see the marks
Of dried up tears
None of these people deserve it
But life is a dance
With the speed and tempo
decided by dice chance
this place is ours – we are the dubs.
Car windows being put in
you wont believe your eyes
almost everything that’s done is a sin
its like the devils in disguise
drugs being passed like a football
you hope to god the kids join a team at all
instead they walk around with their hands in their jocks next to the knife
along with the bags of coke and green, prepared to take someone’s life
with all this around you, you would think i would just fall in
but I’m better than that, I hope to be in a better situation
They had wronged me,
used my slurs against me,
laughed at my “choices”
they tarnished the meaning…
the meaning of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer and + for many more.
too feminine is too much, to much to bare.
in their eyes i am an outcast, their expectations too high.
lesbians are sexualised
gays are too much, bisexuals are attention seekers along with transgender.
WE ARE THE ALPHABET!
uneducation leads to disrespect not knowing i can reclaim them,
i am a faggot.
and tears his parents filled with fears.
Dark Back Roads
As i walk down the dark back roads
trying to not get hit by the robbed cars at the crossroads,
always trying to do things right
but most people couldn’t give a shite,
While the red and blue flashing lights are no stranger to me
it just doesn’t feel right,
when i go out with my mates we talk about Kate
and all her mates
but never about each other’s faiths or our various traits.
When I’m left on my own I sometimes am lost
as if I’m the only black sheep in a full pen of them.
But whenever I’m with my friends
I feel cared for with open arms
with no burglar alarms going off in my head
I can rest peacefully in my nice warm bed.
I am a bully
I am funny
I am trying to be better
In this winter weather
I am lies
I am covering up
I was a pimp
now a gimp
I am changing
From My Bed
to the bike shed
I walk through the door
like I’m about to do a chore
While the rain pours
I walk in to the room
while the sir walks around with the broom
I sit down and a tsunami of Wood shavings
attack me with the dick engravings as clear as ever
thinking I’m gonna be in here forever
I push the door
Now I can explore
its now home time
Its now prime time
Out the gap double quick
like juvenile crime.
Bubblin in Dublin is the way to be
where you go anywhere and be grantee.
To find youngfles just like me in school doing nothing
and not knowing a thing
and going on the sesh and puking
Life in dublin isn’t bad just a knife
can take you to the afterlife
Drugs that make you start talking to bugs
Bubblin in Dublin where everydays hustlin
I Am a Man
I walk up the school drive, dreading seeing you,
I think to myself what the hell did I do,
just here to have fun and learn,
why am i even your concern?
You hate me for doing what i do
Even though its not as you think.
you think you know me and what i do… um,
you shout, oh look the feminine one who loves –
Will you ever learn? not all men are the same,
i really wonder what is your aim?
how many times before it sinks in that small brain,
you are the reason for so much … pain
What About What I Think?
You walk in the door after a hard day at school
You were jeered and slagged and made to look like a fool
You cant say anything so you walk in the door,
Pretending to be fine
And you hear the distant echo of you ma in the back and she shouts “how was your day”.
What are you meant to say? That it didn’t go your way
No you think for second because its not worth it
She doesnt care , she doesnt get you, she doesnt even wanna know,
she just asked to be nice
So whats the point? You face the sad truth that there isnt one
You think of the past days, the days that were fun
Theyre gone now cause no one cares what we thinks
We work in school, we go through pain and then we’re expected to stay mentally sane
But we’re not ok, so we throw on that same old smile
You look to your ma and the tears start to swell
but you wipe them away and just say “ah I’m well”.
A kip called home
I live in a kip named darndale
where half the people are on bail
Burning cars through out the streets
And mattresses with jip on their sheets
A place where violence is everywhere
and a smell of smoke draft through the air
Noises of sirens scream like hell
the whistling wind and the funeral bell.
I hate having to look over me shoulder when I see a group of youngfellahs
To see it’s only a cluster of people passing at a bus stop
I hate having to listen to Garda that don’t silence at night
I hate going out on a Saturday afternoon
only to be pulled over for what I’m wearing
I hate the fear
I hate being in fear of whos hitting who
Not just with their hands but weapons to
sound shed walls
constant phone calls
angery lad picks it
he wont shut up
creatures for many to see
keeping the owners company
laying on the couch as he fell from the tree
cans and food cover the floor
soon we fear as theres a nock on the door.
Going out drinking on a Saturday night
Knowing going to end up in a fight because
I’m being stared at but I came prepared
For that because I’m with two of the boys
David and jack and I know they have my back
Not going to the gaf till two o’clock and having
To cut through there block but better not
Be cut for taking a short-cut in their neck
Of the woods so we put on the hoods
And try not get the ops blood on this
New hood because it looks to good
Us today think school life is just a game,
Thus we feel like were all free,
But then future comes,
These games wont feel the same,
The games will be off,
Because its gonna get thought,
I wont be like a killing spree,
Because it can end like one two three.
I was good on the pitch,
now in the ring ,
to everybody flashing their bling and saying they’ll swing,
you don’t know a thing,
everybody thinking their mad from selling drugs,
already in a pit,
I’m a lucky one I use my witts,
Me and my friends closely knit,
We’ll Never quit.
Waking up at 7 o’clock in the morning
to falling asleep at 12 o’clock in the night
studying in school from 9 to 4
to doing homework for 5 to 12
working hard for a bit of money on your free hours
to helping your family during rush hours
life is difficult
but embrace what’s thrown.
They say to do well in life you have to do well in school
But what is doing well in school
Is it learning off paragraph after paragraph?
How is that doing well
Remembering hundreds of topics and writing them on a piece of paper only to forget them the next day
And for what?
For a piece of paper with numbers on it
That “decides your future “
That doesn’t take into consideration how much work you’ve put in
Or your family situation
Or your background
Or your learning disabilities
And at the end of it all with a high number achieved “you’ve done well “
I was born different,
To some it was sad,
To my family a joy.
Do you know some said he couldn’t,
Some said he wouldn’t,
They also said he won’t, he can’t.
I say, I can, I will, I do,
My life exists for a reason,
My life matters,
Watch, listen and learn.
Long days of boredom,
Wasting time on nothing that could reward him,
Before, he could never take a loss
Now, he can’t speak to someone similar to a boss,
Always loved going to the pictures,
And used to play with his favorite action figures,
Now looking for some good motivation,
And not to worry about every new conversation
Bouncing up and down on some springs
Then take flight and sprout some wings
Feast on the misery of others like a king
Standing on the sidelines of a boxing ring
And dance and laugh while you inwardly sing
Wanting those who only do worshipping
Having those who make you seem like everything
Wishing you could do and have all of these things
are far behind
the people run and hide
but they know
will catch up to them
and the names wiil stick there
Not a day goes by without a drug deal in front of my garden
but that’s the shit that makes your skin harden
and if you say your from Darndale they act like its a bad thing
just because you grew up with a broken arm in a sling.
i know the place i’m from is rough
and never grew up with a lot of stuff
so if you don’t like it that’s tough
all you are to us is a dirty little scruff.
because the hardest working people i know are from here
but never get to live past their 20th year
cause all we know is how to sell gear
and the ones that dont are addicted to beer.
my dream is to go to France,
so ill work hard on jobs that are free lance,
but i probably wont go because our area was never given a chance,
we were looked over given but a mere glance.
Every time I have this talk
Breathing becomes harder
than that of a metamorphic rock.
From curiosity to dead silence,
As they felt my own privacy had been invaded.
I really enjoy it,
But it seems the same conversation can never be evaded.
As the pity washes over me,
More people start to notice me .
And it all starts from one question.
How are ur ma and da ?
Where I’m From
where I’m from is important to me.
I don’t feel like I belong oh your mams from the north are you a prod or are you blowing cars and fighting for the free
oh you dads from summer hill does that mean you know a junkie
your not from Coolock you talk to posh.
I feel like I’m not from here I don’t want to be who wants to be who wants to deal with shootings every week
or while I’m in school people are sniffing lines while I write lines and they say you don’t know what’s in my mind well your right I don’t.
but I feel like I should be proud to be from here I cant understand why I guess its my state of mind
oh well its where I’m from you cant change my mind try walk in my shoes and see what you think what size you where I where 10s let me know how you feel.
Behind a closed door
Go home, take off my shoes
Go up to bed to have a snooze.
Wake back up around five
my head already starting to dive
into the problems of the future
and ones of the past
all crowded in my head
like a final world cup game.
It’s my responsibility to claim
these problems in my head
which hang high and clear
in my head like a frame.
But I know these problems will repeat just like these days,
its hard to escape it, it’s all like a maze.
I’ll have to hide these problems now,
shut them behind a closed door.
So no one can see I’m fighting,
fighting this war.
Roller Coaster of emotions
With every expectation
Since my life`s creation,
Born into a nation
Thinkin` “When`s my graduation”.
I always thought when we were younger,
I would become a boy wonder.
Now I know what they meant,
I never tried to circumvent
One year I got depressed,
I still wonder what got me stressed,
To the point were I thought I`d kill myself,
standing on top of a shelf.
Now I sit here in my greatest year,
With my end nowhere near.
Now I realise I wasn`t a boaster,
Because my life was a rollercoaster.
Masks On. Brains Off.
First year of school wasn’t bad.
had crack with the lads.
second year things started to change.
started fights, lost friends and was left to myself.
third year was great. started doing better and got some mates.
march came i thought it was the endgame, locked in the Gaf for six months, isolated,
I felt as it wouldn’t end, thought I was insane.
come May i didn’t have to pretend I was okay anymore. got in with some older boys.
they didn’t want some little 14 year old kid, till one day when they decided they did.
September crept up like a predator in a playground and before I knew it I was back in that school,
masks on but brains off, fourth year is a doss.
My first year of “smart club” I was my old self
A stupid, naive prick
Everyone was nice but I put my head down to snub
But everyone kept being kind
Second year comes and this time I find
I’m less stupid, less naive and less of a prick
Their niceness seeming to have worn down
My longstanding, lifelong walls
My third year rolls by
I’m much better than before
The niceness having shattered
My facade of cool uncaring
That leads to now where I sit today
And looking back I finally see
My old self for his true colors
Scared, confused, lost, lonely.
We were all sitting on the wet, grassy hill
Each with a can of our own choice
We shared a bag of family sized doritos
Two of me mates were play fighting at the bottom of the hill
While me and the other lads were lying down
Admiring the sunset
We were all pretty chill after an entire day of acting the eejit
We were everywhere
From Darndayle to the Kilmore flats
But now we were lying down listening to some tunes
Relaxing in the bright orange sky
I looked around then closed my eyes
And I thought
Maybe life isn’t so bad.
i think life can be a waste for some people.
150,000 people die a day u need to live the best you can
one day that 150,000 is gonna be you
and you’ll have nothing to look back on.
at this young age you should be just going for things
and living life the best you can.
on average you sleep 8 out of 24 hours so thats
1/3 of your life wasted on sleep.
so the lesson is live your life the best
and take whatever risks cause you can
only learn and benefit for the future.
this message needs to be spread on to all kids.
I was determined to win , i wasn’t gonna throw it in the bin,
I reflected on all that time , it felt like a lifetime.
I worked so hard for this fight and there would be only one winner tonight.
I was ready for the ring walk , my coach had given a pep talk.
lets go he shouted , now i could prove all those who doubted.
I made my way to the ring and soon the bell went ding ding ding.
I faced my opponent , this was my moment.
I was in control , easier than an evening stroll.
It was time to put him away , call it a day
I through a right hook , he had no time to duck
I had won and the celebrations begun
The feeling was so much fun.
Why I play sport
Why then, since life to us is short
Lets make it full up by our sport
you will get lots of money and fly from different airports
to a lot of different resorts
Most people are in and out of court
Some people have a lot of support
when some people cant even afford transport
What’s the point of getting sent to prison when you can clear your mind playing sport.
long weeks ahead all i really want to do is stay in bed
the motivation is gone. it left in a hurry after seeing what this year has become
sitting in the classroom with the mask on is driving me insane and nothing is really going into my brain
as all i want to do is bang my head then leave and go to the shed
laying on the couch relaxes me no school no worrys no nothing to slow me down
no one to threaten us for being in the wrong place no one to hurt us
but right now im still here in hell until the bell rings and we can go to the shed.
16 Years Old
16 years old one month ago and it feels the same i have been to therapist doctors and everything in between
I missed most of school due to anxiety and I’m only starting to get around to feeling calm my friends think i was just trying to get off school but they don’t know the sleepless nights worrying about how tomorrow will go. the thoughts buzzing around my head all night. they even slag it i laugh it off but it gets to me you know. doctors all say the same thing just try push through it or its never as bad as you think it never helps. my mam tries her best to dignify it and the classic think how lucky you are. but it doesn’t feel that way never has. i look back sometimes on the therapy visits and it just feel like a bad dream like i was looking through a tunnel and just got here no better than i was and I’m just wasting everyone’s time.
playing football is a escape place for me away from all the bad things in life and gains confidence the sastifaction when you score or assist is the best feeling im always in the mood to play no matter the time or place the fresh green grass on a saturday morning ready to play the nets are up the ball moves crisp across the surface and the net bulged when u score the post rattles and the rain drips of the crossbar.
Ed Woodward’s Door
It’s not been the same
since Sir Alex left 7 years
missing something and feeling bereft
Moyes the chosen one not even there a year
Now Ole a club legend
every game full of fear
Bruno saved us and got us top four
But only after fireworks were let off
At Woodward’s door
I can’t think of anything at all
Everyone else is typing
I’m not smart or creative
I’m just lazy
I’ll just take the cop-out
And get off easy
So I can sit around for the rest of class.
Im from coolock
I lock my bike with a u lock
Going out on a friday night
Walking the shop
To see what ill cop
It’s a rough area like Bulgaria
In the knowing of what’s around you
It’s about loyalty
With not much Royalty
In a rough society
With one day hopefully earning some money
But it’s funny
Because when its sunny
You can earn some pocket money
To buy a Bunny