The tears are here
Hanging by an invisible force that keeps me from collapsing.
I try not to look so weak,
But I feel broken all the time.
The impassive expression
As I face the enormous sea of teenagers in the main hall.
With all the noise of voices,
I hear silence.
The reflection of my inner self.
The boys in their threatening poses stare at me through the filthy lenses.
I don’t look around.
Focused in getting somewhere.
My feet move instinctively to a single bench at the end of the hall.
The easy-laughing girls greet me briefly
And then I’m invisible again,
Like a ghost hovering over the caramel bench.
Through the fog, everything is muffled.
And there is so much cold.
Even with all the layers of clothing covering my weakened body.
The shrill sound of the school bell.
The voices growing at the sound indicating the end of the short break.
And soon I am on the stairs wishing to disappear among the various bodies fighting for space.
The walls of the second floor are made of glass,
And the boys and girls are crowed in the corridor,
Waiting for the last class of the day.
I am looking down.
A thousand thoughts envelop my stormy mind.
How many seconds will it take before my body crush against the ground?
Will my life pass before my eyes like a bad movie?
The thought does not last for more than 2 minutes.
The classroom smells of something rotten And Miss Burn has a frown on her mature face.
She runs over in her own speech and her look tells us that she would like to be anywhere else,
The time inside the tiny room is dull and each breath of air seems to weigh a ton.
The pen stuck between my icy fingers wanders across the grid paper,
Noting the content that will be forgotten as soon as I go through the exit door.
When I will finally be able to breathe without feeling overwhelmed.
Without the looks of judgment and banal conversations.
Just me and the huge void in my chest
And another ton of harmful thoughts.
As it should be.
Who I Am
I always grew up, knowing I was different.
And stuck around people who weren’t that ignorant.
I would wake up most days thinking how to cope,
But my mother cured the pain with happiness and hope.
Was surrounded by people who would name and shame,
Even though they were the type with their brains stuck in a game.
I finally got older and comfortable with myself,
But never had friends who helped with my doubt.
With the age that I am I go on day to day,
And no matter how hard it gets I’ll look past the grey.
And even though my mother was the one that I had,
I don’t know how to tell her ‘I don’t know who I am’
In a World
We live in a world that’s so corrupt
We need to destroy and reconstruct,
Rich steal’s from the poor
And poor fights amongst the poor,
People of religion have the same values
But because they worship different god’s they want to devalue,
Boys want to play with girls like it’s a game
Girls want to be with multiple boys for the fame,
We go school that are like factories where programmed to be machines
And all we have is our dreams.
Mother is Calling
Mother is calling
She has been
Her screams and pain fall on
Mother is sick
She needs your
Sea levels are rising and animals are
Time is running out, but mother’s children are filled with
Doubt and greed.
They don’t care, not now and not before
Mother is calling
Some people don’t appreciate what they’ve got
They treat their mother and father like snot
Till one fatal day their mother passes away
The child realises that all those moments wasted on awful behaviour
Could have been cherished and savoured from kindness and respect
Please remember family is important, so treat them in a way that’s accordant
You never know when they might leave today, tomorrow or next year
So cherish the moments that you guys will share
When I was younger my dad left, I only had my mam
So she’d do everything for me.
I’d ask her to clean me so she did.
I’d get tired and ask her to carry me so she did.
I’d was too small to get dressed so I’d ask for her help so she did.
I’d was too small to reach the top shelf so I’d ask her to reach so she did.
But now I’ve grown up and don’t ask for help.
She asks me to do stuff because she’s getting old and sore.
She’d ask me to clean and I did.
She’ll ask me to carry shopping so I did.
She’ll ask me to mind my family so I did
I use to ask for help and she did
And now that she needs my help,
So I do what she needs.
People taking drugs like mugs
What world are we living in
Kids growing up with violence
Women not feeling safe
So many people homeless
A lot of racism
People getting murdered
So many crimes
How can we stop this
From looking at the sights
To starting the fights
From praying with my hands
To opening the hands
From boxing in the club
To going with my mates down to the pub
From caring about me looks
To throwing the hooks
I’ve changed as a man
But I’m still proud of who I am
I started off small
But now I’ve done it all
From playing football in the streets
To getting messy in the sheets
From saying hello to my friends
To fighting in the ends
From covering my mouth from the smoke
To asking my friend for another toke
I grew up, things changed
They will never be the same
I’m not proud of who I am
I used to be a big football man
But now here I am, vaping in the toilet
Who is this young man? Why’d I spoil it?
I came into school thinking I was cool, found out I was just a fool
Then got suspended from school
Hopped into my ma’s car, realised I had taken it too far
Turned on the radio and listened to JLO
Got home jumped into bed, I think there is something wrong with my head
It’s time for me to change
I feel like I’m deranged
Everybody having a
Fight on the pitch
Trying to get the ball
Off of the other team
To score a point
And everybody trying to
Show the other team that they are better
Than them and win more games
I Can Feel
I can feel the heat rising
Everything is on fire
Today is a painful reminder of why
It can only get brighter the future you put it behind ya
I could’ve been in the pitch doing rainbow flicks
But instead I’m in the trap with this Rambo
I didn’t chose, this life chose me
My mum hates it but my friends don’t
This life is peak and I know it’s the streets
So let me tell you how my friends roll
I’m in Navan with this fifteen inch