Autism in an All-Girls School
I struggle through conversations, emoting randomly,
Other people seem psychic, almost offhandedly.
I dream a dream of my perfect world,
Where all are flowers, safe and unfurled.
Where no one is speaking in tongues.
I’m breathing in, breathing out,
Trying to calm my shaking lungs
I try to be a person, then settle for android
And try my best not to get annoyed
I get really, really bloody confused
My emotional understanding remains unused
Understanding sits, inside my head
Not the best, but born and bred.
By My Side
Embrace my weirdness instead of shooting me down.
My originality is my guard of honour, my kingdom and my crown.
If I awkwardly look at my average shoes, please, look at yours too.
And notice me for the kind things I do.
I know that I don’t live on the street and my life is not on the line,
But my problem is, I just don’t fit in and that’s just fine.
I don’t wear make and I don’t like to go out
But I just hope I’m not what everybody talks about.
When people call me weird it just builds on my pride,
Cause I know I will always be standing by my side.
I think I’ve almost got to that stage,
That stage where I give people chances,
Where I listen to Atticus
Put on their skin and walk around in it.
Try to understand
Understand where the vulnerability,
The empathy, the love has gone?
All these traits are supposed to be inherent
But it’s hard to always take a look from their point view.
I’m trying to see beyond the bullshit,
Remember that everybody “has their reasons”
But why can’t they all just cop on?
Keeping up appearances helps no one
Don’t they realise that they’re
Just feeding into this stupid stupid game that
Leaves us all in needless pain.
When you allow you open yourself up
You give everyone one around you
Permission to do the same
Wouldn’t you prefer that world?
Learn and Conform
We have to go to school,
Learn and experience new things,
They cut and bind our wings.
New friendships and feuds are formed.
Hallways during lunch are stormed.
Imagination goes to wither and die,
Our childhood memories out they cry.
We conform to society’s uniformity,
And we absorb its deformity.
I feel most proud of myself
Like placing a trophy on the shelf
I feel safest on my own
But where I fear the unknown
The best memories were made
But in my mind I am remade
I feel like I’m making myself better
But I’m only following the trend setter
I explain what’s in my head to myself
But I always keep the book on the shelf.
At this time in our life,
People seem to put on a big show
About how happy they are.
I think personally it’s a joke,
That anybody can genuinely call themselves happy,
Living in our era.
Between body shaming, depression, anxiety
And eating disorders.
Self-diagnosing and people treating others like dirt,
I really hope the future is a happier place.
In saying that I think we are lucky with what we have,
But it’s a long way until we become truthfully happy people,
Then I honestly believe our mask can come off.
As I cross the green
Everything is so serene
The streets are so clean
Masking all the people who are so mean
When I arrive at the door
I don’t feel happy anymore
I worry about what the day will have in store
Will the girls stop or will they make me cry once more?
All the privileged girls complain about attending
Not caring about who we’re offending
We learn to be independent, to read and to write
We should work so success doesn’t seem out of sight
Why can we not realise our luck?
The future does not seem so bright,
For the girls who actually give a damn
This is Where
This is where the dusty mirrors reflect the true personalities of people,
Not the masks that they use to protect themselves.
This is where I sit constantly waiting for someone to say something relevant.
This is where the scraping of the chairs impersonates the screaming in my head.
This is where the darkness inside me wallows gloomily constantly playing tennis with my emotions
This is where I reluctantly collect the vicious speculation in my head and bottle it up.
For another second, another minute, another day.
With all the looming shadows around me, I can’t select the ones that mean something to me.
All these blurred faces, moving so fast around me head, so I can’t focus on anyone.
Stop! Stop! I scream. My voice echoes, bouncing around my head.
But no one hears me. No faces become definable.
I feel it creeping, multiplying, and making its way through my body,
Through my bones like a deadly fungus.
It wends sharp pains through my body, like darts being throw at me.
The loneliness returning once again.
The babble of voices taunting me annoying me, until one day I gave up.
Walking down the haunted street,
Listening to the darkening beat.
On my own,
It’s late at night,
And there’s no one in sight.
Suddenly I hear a deep cracked voice,
Saying “Hey baby, make me your choice.
I begin to walk hurriedly away,
And I know what happened that day,
Will always remain,
Safely stored away in the darkest chambers
Of my brain.
Daisy Duggan and Emily Plant
Be yourself, be unique
That is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard.
Everyone is exactly the same
No matter what you do your still part of the human race.
Your existence on this planet doesn’t matter
In 500 years no will remember you
Everything you have ever done and will do is irrelevant
School, jobs, family and effort
So just sit back and wait for the inevitable end.
My voice is drowned out even though I’m slamming the water’s surface with a mighty blow,
You treat me like a diamond until you see something better and keep climbing,
But you don’t know my pain which is where I gain.
Even though I’m haunted by my past of abuse and destruction
Put my heart under reconstruction,
I seem like everyone else with a smile on my face
Yet all I feel is that I’m in the wrong space.
I can’t sleep because of the hurtful thoughts rushing through my messed up mind,
I cry in the corner of my room while I stare at the emptiness of bare walls,
The walls look like what I imagine my soul to be like, bare, boring and plain.
I laugh to hide the depression in me while in my room, I cry myself to sleep.
I listen to others but even still nobody listens to me when I need them to.
I look in the mirror and cry because of the reflection I see,
An ugly person who has lost the feeling of being happy.
I am an explorer, dying to travel, but several things stop me,
I am trapped in my messed up life,
Trying to figure out what to do,
But I still end up not doing anything at all.
I am a trier but not a succeeder.
Ever person’s Everest is higher.
Ever person’s light burns brighter.
There will always be worse,
There will always be better.
Because she’s just a girl but you’re a sir.
But you don’t decide what upset her.
Earth is like a person,
It seems whole and pure,
It can be bright and loud,
Inside this person it is dark and empty,
Around this person it is dark and empty,
Perspective seems like a crowd,
But there is no crowd around the earth.
The music blares and the crowd go wild
Tomorrows profit is last week’s child
DJs play and beats get dropped
And momentarily, all problems are stopped
Girls in short skirts getting eyed-up by boys
Being too immature, they treat them like toys
Infamous kisses and cans of cider
Going home drunk, a bigger fear than spiders
End of the night and friends say goodbye,
Teenage memories won’t fade, always stuck in the mind’s eye
Supposed to Be
My mighty earth shall tremble and quake,
I feel my hands begin to shake,
My sky is falling, something sounds my alarms,
Am I about to be harmed?
My emotions are running wild,
I am now partly dead inside,
My soul is black, my body falls back
I feel their shadows gather around,
It felt as if I was in the ground.
He left me that day,
I wanted to sink away,
What a feeling it was to see him walk that way
Isn’t it supposed to be me,
Coming up the aisle in the opposite way?
You Left Me
You left me on read,
As I cry on my bed.
What does this mean,
I’m going to scream.
Your big brown eyes,
Distract me from the lies
But the way you looked at me,
I felt my most free.
Judith Lynch and Klara Ralph O’Connor
Here and There
I’ve been here
I’ve been there
Of course some people have been everywhere
But between you and me
It’s not all as it seems
Here and there does not mean everywhere
Everyone has their own story
So don’t get caught up in your own glory
My Beautiful Pain
My beautiful pain
I have this beautiful Pain
It hurts me everyday
It hits me where it hurts
With a bang and a belt
And a double whammy whollop
It takes everything I have
In simple terms my pain is my sister
We were all on a night out having some fun
Until someone made a comment about me
That caused me to turn numb
I stood there shocked not knowing what to do
While my “friend” laughed in my face
Like she hadn’t just heard something new
The night of the incident
Caused me a great amount of pain
But it also made me realise that
My friend isn’t really my friend
And names are just names
Airt, you tore my heart apart,
I loved you like a flow chart,
I even made you a lobster tart,
I thought you were my sweetheart,
But it turns out you were just an external body part
I wanted to play Mario Kart,
But you left me in the go kart,
At the start I kept track of my calorie chart,
But in the end I ate all of k-mart
I will always love you with my whole airt.
This is where I go to eat most days
This is where I get my favourite food
This is where dreams meet reality in a simple bite
Every other food is crap