Music was there
When self- esteem was little to none,
When thoughts were an echo
Music was there
From the upbeat bars, pop-quiet to the storm,
That tumble from the Steinway
Whispering in my ears
Wrapping themselves around my body.
From the Deep bass notes of Rockabilly and Jazz
To the big numbers of Musical Theatre.
From the Beatles to David Bowie to One Direction
And everything in between.
Music was there
When nobody else was
Music was always there to lend a hand
To lift me up high above the clouds.
With a hairbrush in my hand
Made me feel like I was someone
Somewhere I belong.
The metronome in my head
A beat always coursing through my veins
A melody continuously whirling
Around and around
Until I can’t help but sing out .
Music was there
Even when there was no music
So the silence sang.
“Neverland is Not an Option”
The darkness is coming over the town,
She was wearing a gown.
Dark blue but shining like stars,
She was looking at some cars.
They were noisy and loud,
Surrounded by mist like a cloud.
But when she looked up to the stars,
She forgot about all those cars.
She started dreaming about flying high
And that’s when she started to cry.
Her home didn’t felt like home,
She felt like living under a dome.
A shooting star felt of the sky
Like a dying fly.
A shadow came up to her window,
As fast as a black widow.
He sat down on the window sill
And told her to chill.
She won’t feel home,
In a world build of chrome.
“So come with me” he said
He was whispering in her head.
Telling her about all this beautiful green
And the amazing scene.
She jumped out the window into the blue
And that’s when she knew.
No matter how far she could fly,
It would be a goodbye.
She turned around
And stayed in the town.
Heartache, my backbone curved into shape
Between sense, and sensibility
Only to escape reality.
Everything we do
Comes down to the people
The lives we live
The F’s we give
But in ten years, will I still be here
Depending on algebra
And the things I mishear
We are the only deciders of our decisions
Not our parents, not the people given
So live for the now
Not for the slow downs
The ghost towns, the let downs
She could act the way she wanted,
But what would they think?
She could dress however she pleased,
Preach what she believed in,
But what would they think?
She could express her dreams for her future,
Her love for the unusual,
Her passion for the unfashionable,
But what would they think?
She could follow their rules and ways of lie,
But then… what would she think?
I’m scared. Everyone is
Scared of love, scared of loss, scared of love.
I’m scared of smiling and enjoying this without her
But I’m going to have to be a fast learner.
I walk down memory lane because I love running into her
But there’s so many things that I want to remember.
I try to hold onto the love and not the loss
But I wonder why I had to realize this at such a high cost.
I drown with the love, I drown with the pain,
But suddenly I’m realizing I just need to learn how to swim again.
Like a drum in my ear it
To my laptop
where the videos lie
All there waiting
For me to click
Everyone is just
Video after video
And the world goes by
Famous figures on the screen
Hoping that I can be like them.
It hits me like a ten tonne truck
People around the world
Staring at them,
And not living their own.
it eats time
When I Was Still Crying
When I was in the black woods
On the wheat ground
I was crying my soul out
When I remember what happened
When I felt the pain
When I saw it again and again
Playing in my head
When I was crying for the things that happened
For the people who wasn’t there
And I was still getting up when the tears wasn’t running anymore
I was walking to my best friend
After I changed my wealth clothe
And was still smiling and trying to pretend
That nothing happened
Although that I was still crying deep in me
And felling the pain
As it just happened
Crying because of the people who didn’t saw the pain
I was still walking home after all
And everyone was trying to pretend that everything was okay
That nothing happened
That it was all a great perfect world
Although I was still crying.
Waiting For You
You fixed me
And you broke me and you fixed me
You made me feel so good, made me feel loved, needed
You let me down
I’m standing here
Standing here and waiting
To be back again
In the way that you were before
I’m keeping myself alive with your words
I feed on them
“Beautiful” “Cheerful” “Sweet” “Cute”
Was that true?
What did you mean?
Apparently it wasn’t enough
I wasn’t enough
And I’m running after you
Want to believe what you told me was real
And it somehow makes me happy.
Sleep is overrated
Everything is overrated when I’m with you
Except for you
You are light
You are beauty
You are everything that dreams are made of
I get lost in your eyes
Lost in your smile
The way everything in you smiles
The song that I hear in your laugh, your giggle
The music in your voice
The voice that talks to me
Why do you talk to me?
How could I deserve someone like you?
I’m so thankful for you
For your patience
When I’m the stupid little me again
For being with me
Because it’s just nice to have you
That’s sometimes just everything I need.
Thoughts of a Numb
‘Take it, take it, take it’, they whisper.
‘Take it, take it, take it’, they hiss.
‘Take it, take it, ta – ‘ – SHUT UP!’
I’m not gonna listen to this.
For me, every day is a question,
every moment a wonder,
people’s glances are nightmares,
and every step is a thunder.
And now I’m numb
ears and eyes and mouth shut
blind and deaf and numb and
‘take it, take it, take it’ – ‘SHUT UP!’
For I know the world is still turning around
I know that I’m a human standing in a human crowd
I know that what I see is real but how can you believe in that
when everything is blurred behind a bullet-proof pane?
Can’t you hear me, can’t you see that
I’m so caught up in myself
the echo makes my shouts for help unheard.
’cause they’re numb.
Ears and eyes and mouth shut
blind and deaf and numb and – ‘SCREAM!’
If you hit that one, high pitched note,
the glass will burst.
Sounds, colours, wind.
Will they bring me back to life?
Someone to Care
‘Rape is a strong word’
That’s a tweet that I saw
If rape really is a strong word
Then probably why it’s against the law.
Rape is illegal
Because consent is a must
So when a person is raped
Why is it not viewed as unjust?
Rape effects the victim
And the attacker too
He’s branded as a criminal
But those convicted are few.
Rape is a crime
Where the victim suffers more
Then why is the victim
Turned to the door?
A person who was raped,
It was not your fault
Don’t let it bring your life to a halt.
There will always be someone
Someone who’ll be there
Someone to help you
Someone to care.
I never thought it would be this way
Never thought this would be me
When I was 4 I wanted to be a ballerina
I didn’t find the right teacher
Embarrassed to play a rabbit
When I was 8 I wanted a boyfriend
I didn’t fit in
Pressured by the books I was reading
When I was 13 I wanted to leave
I didn’t even know what exactly
Confused by everything that happened
Now I’m 16 and I want…
What do I want?
Guess just to be happy
In the last years I found something about me that was odd
I thought it was weird
Couldn’t I just be normal?
Why does my friend suddenly look so attractive?
Were her eyes, her lips, always so mesmerising?
That was me
But what was it?
I don’t know, will I ever know?
I can’t tell
But I stopped to care
Because this feels right
This IS me
I wish I could just stop thinking.
Les L Ne Valent Rien
In school they say to me
My words are nothing
Against Pythagore, Tales and their trick
For the other people I’m just a freak
Who like play with a pencil
But they forget that with
I can create
They forget that my thoughts
They take form under the ink
And punch you in the face
Ah it’s ironic
After all those years of mathematics
This is language who make me live
So you who reads this words
Just live your dreams.
I just wish life wasn’t so hard
It is full of stress and worry
Its one big daze, a little blurry
I look around and all I see
Are people staring at me
I try to see what is wrong
But I think it’s the fact that I just don’t belong
I don’t know what to do I feel like crying
But really and truly, I am trying.
Everyone is standing on the same ground
No matter what you look like
We are all the taking the same hike
We live life our own way
And I’m here to say
And get ready for more stations.
You hold me down
You clip my wings to keep me from flying away
I’m told to act like an adult
But I’m treated like a child.
In what world does that make sense
You’re scared ‘cause I’m growing
But still want me to give the support
And I’m left with none.
From all sides
Boys be boys
Be bad be devils
Be good get grades,
You terrible thing
Be grown up
And be judgement
Blonde or brunette
Be underage socialite
Sassy and tough
But never believe
That you’re pretty enough.
It’s when you’re in a room with your family and closest friends,
But there is still something in the back of your head,
Telling you that no matter what,
Nothing you’re going to do, will make you good enough.
It’s walking down a road full of strangers,
And be worrying for days, weeks, months,
About what they thought of me and if I did something wrong.
It’s the constant feeling of never feeling good enough,
So close but that doesn’t matter.
You know that in your own head, it’s never going to get better.
Until one day, that heart wrenching fear you feel,
Isn’t there anymore.
You no longer feel like the world is going to end asking a question in class,
It isn’t terrifying going up and asking for something in your size.
You then realise,
After doing something that, six months ago,
Would have torn you apart inside,
It isn’t as bad as it seems.
You will get over it, you will push through it.
It just takes time.
Doing so much to do nothing
Saying so much to say nothing
Constant the babel
That says nothing at all
Constant the journey
Constant the fall
Young lives that are lost
Constant the consequence
Heavy the cost
To be someone else
Constant the girl
Standards for genders, obey the rules,
Masculine, feminine, aren’t we fools?
‘That girl is a whore, a slut, a hoe’
That is how the comments go
‘He met 5 girls last night, legend sure’
Will we ever find the cure?
A guy needs muscles and some height,
A girl needs boobs and some behind.
And to make it even more perplex,
Its better if they like the opposite sex.
That is not how the world works.
We are all different, we are all masterworks.
Thick or thin, weak or strong,
The world should learn to get along.
You know you shouldn’t do this,
You know he’s used up his one-hundredth chance.
You know that when you break things off with him won’t give you a second glance
As he placed a kiss upon your cheek,
He made you feel unique
But as he got to know you better he learned that you were so weak.
You thought that you were special that he would be the one
But then you slowly discovered he was like this with everyone.
Dreams and hopes of those who can’t
Only ever always trying to implant
Their thoughts, ideas, wishes,
It’s getting repetitious
Being told who you are, where you’re going
Age fifteen, no longer about growing,
Already old in the eyes of those who can’t,
Keep to themselves always looking to decant,
Their ways, ambitions, troubles,
Onto those they know not of your struggles.
Go ahead – laugh at me,
I’m not your average 16-year-old.
I’ve done shit I’m not proud of,
But I have a heart of gold.
I know I get into a lot of trouble,
And I’m not proud of it.
It’s not just because I choose to smoke cigarettes
And say that right now I don’t want to quit.
I don’t act this way,
Because of something my parents did.
They raised a good person,
They raised a good kid.
I, on the other hand,
Was just a girl out of control?
And day by day,
I dug myself into a deeper hole.
Every day was different,
There were more powders and pills.
All just a stupid way for us kids
To get some cheap thrills.
Got to a point where I didn’t even
Know who I was anymore.
When every night I was off my face
Escaping out the back door.
The number of times
I ran away from home.
To try to get my way
From my endless sadness syndrome
I think I’m finally
Coming to realise
That all this stupid shit I’m doing,
Will only leave tears in my eyes
I`m better than that,
And I know I am.
I don’t need to live being sad
I don’t need another gram.
See the thing about school
Is it kills creativity
Too many rules
It feels like captivity
We’re taught for examinations
Not for our futures
To meet expectations
Almost human computers
Forget about art
Forget that stuff
You must simply restart
if your best is not good enough
But you are more than A
or a B or a C
It’s all for display
All for a degree
Your path is yours
To pave and create
It may be obscure
But it is you, and you’re great.
Hide Your Feelings
How are you?
From the ones you thought knew you.
Lock you in your own shelf.
Telling people you are fine,
But just give them a small sign.
Give yourself a good excuse.
No one wants to hear the truth.
Under this façade of this “confident woman”
People can see the worry in her eyes.
That her heart is in disguise.
The bags underneath her eyes showing her effort
To try and blend in
To try be “normal”
Trying to stay “underneath the radar”
because that’s what her Mom told her to do
To stay out of the way,
To stay quiet,
But not too quiet.
To be smart,
But not too smart.
“The fellas won’t like that they’ll feel intimidated”
To sit still and look pretty,
To not have a voice,
“You should talk more” says everyone,
But every time she speaks about her future,
What she’s passionate about,
She’s told to talk less and smile more.
She walks through shop-filled street looking at shop windows of unfair standards
Looking at these “beautiful” models
Not realizing what’s underneath the gloss of these unfair standards.
It’s that I’m not grateful for you
It’s just sometimes I just want space
I’m sick of all the things that are said about things I care about and all that I love
If I wanted you to say something I’d ask instead you make your opinion stand out so I doubt myself
But you just make me feel inadequate and lost
That I’m the “retard” you always say I am
That you only want me when you want something
I am not dispensable like you act like I am.
That somewhere out there someone will feel like I am worth their time,
That I mean something
That I’m special.
Job Well Done
Sometimes I just need ten minutes,
That’s it, that’s all,
Ten minutes to be by myself,
Ten minutes to feel small.
Then the mask can come on again,
Right back to where it had been,
And as much as I try,
Every day, every night,
The person inside can’t be seen.
I grip it hard and prepare to remove,
But each time it has found a more permanent grove,
Now it has sunk deep into my face,
And the one that was there is what it will replace.
Now, if I peel it just won’t come off,
It is part of me now,
Sometimes I just need ten minutes,
Ten minutes to change,
Be the person I actually liked,
Wow… that does sound strange.
In Today’s Society
In today’s society some people would be so cruel
They’d call you names like stupid or a nobody and would leave you hanging by yourself
They wouldn’t come back and ask are you okay and keep you buried under the world like a fool
But imagine if the world wasn’t so judgemental, wouldn’t that make a huge difference?
In today’s society people should be focused on the brighter and colourful world but with people letting them down, they see opposite of bright, dark
People wouldn’t know to look right or left without somebody letting them down
People would beg for help and wouldn’t know who to ask
In today’s society we shouldn’t be seeing people frown yet they can’t help it
People are breaking day in, day out and a mask covers their face and hide how they’re feeling
In today’s society some people would be so cruel, imagine if people weren’t, would the world be a better place?
I sometimes wish to wake up and hope it’ll be a better day
A day different from the rest
But I then go back to reality a more comfortable situation I guess
It can seem sometimes that I’ve no luck in the world not even the smallest drop
And that all bad things keep happening, yes happening nonstop
And although I’ve gotten used to it and don’t really expect much more
I hope someday I’ll find someone to make it all a bit better
And life won’t be so difficult anymore.
I wonder if it was as easy for you to delete me from your contacts as it will be for me to delete you from my life.
I wonder will I do it at all,
I wonder if ill delete the bad and forgive you again,
I wonder will I delete any functioning part of my brain again and let you back in like I did the first time.
I wonder would I try convince myself I was happy,
Would I tell myself I still love you would I act like you never hurt me for your sake and for the people around us,
Would I carry on to let you drain the life from me over and over only to get back up and try again because it’s easier to suffer than to hurt you?
Would I ignore the blackmail, would I maybe for once listen to my best friend?
Or would I just disappoint her again when I end up back in hers crying over you…
Would I be able to forgive you? W
Would you even admit you were wrong?..
No one ever told me discomfort was so easy to endure…
What Do You Want?
Lost count of how many times I’ve been told
By people dull grey and old
That I’m blessed with a cosy little life
That someday I’ll make a great wife
But I disagree
I am blessed yes, it’s clear to see.
I have friends,family, a roof over me.
But I think that I am blessed by my opportunities.
The world is my oyster, I am its pearl
just an insignificant 16-year-old girl
I want to achieve, I definitely believe
Anything is possible,You can get what you work for,achieve what you want.
But that’s the thing.
What do I want?
Coming home, you always knew what would greet you.
The cold was strong and vicious, getting out of the car was a trek.
Opening the door was like unleashing an attack,
The screams and squeals pitched like animals in a zoo.
Getting through the jungle of fluffy teddies and plastic trucks until
You eventually reach the front room.
Here, met by a toothy grin and a little hand tugging at your jumper
You bend down to laugh and smile back
At the little mite that brightens and ruins every single day you have.
I’m screwed up
If I pretty care
See everybody’s pretty
in their own pretty way
it’s pretty this
or pretty that
or pretty much if that’s okay.
Who judge something you don’t understand. Know the bodies you see in magazines are made in fairy land.
Who go home everyday to cry, while their friends sit in school wondering if that was their last goodbye.
girl who has her heart broken cause of where she put her trust. She didn’t understand he didn’t see love but lust.
guy that’s alone at the lunch table. Where he hides his tears cause his home isn’t stable.
Teachers who hear but couldn’t care less. They add to the homework and just add to the stress.
Humans around we want you to stand up. Cause this society is still, still quite corrupt.
A star-filled galaxy night
Like an amethyst sea with bright lights
Hard to find such pretty stars
In such a huge city populated by nothing but smog and cars
Our world is too full of worries, if only they could take a break
And care not for what’s on our plate
Take a break and appreciate the smaller things in life
Instead of counting our sins and praising, worshipping our kings.
It’s hard to sit down and write a poem
But sure look that’s just how it is
So this is me trying to write a poem
I wish it was going better than it actually is
Because my mind doesn’t work like this
It doesn’t do anything its told to
It thinks on its own and because of that this poem is piss
Poetry is not my forté
But in other things I think I slay
I was writing this poem in a rush
So don’t be expecting much
I enjoy eating
Chocolate is my favourite
Every time I eat it, I try my best to savour it
I wish I was healthier
Maybe then I could be wealthier
As my chocolate addiction is costing me a fortune!
As you can tell poetry is not my cup of tea
But at least you learn a bit about me!