My Little Voice
This poem is not romantic, uplifting or amusing but it is honest, the way I try to be.
Stop being unrealistic is what I’ve been told,
As I adventure out on my ‘unrealistic’ goals.
Feck that and feck you for telling me what to do,
I want to make something of myself regardless of my feelings or anyone else.
Pressure isn’t even near to what I feel every day,
As I wipe my tears and act like I’m ok.
Sadness is another word for I can connect with,
Your absence is heart breaking, I just can’t bear with.
Every day is a strain as I decide whether or not to accept the pain,
The sad part is I can’t remember when I last was myself just always feel the same,
Every time I answer a question I always doubt myself, I know I shouldn’t but it’s become a habit.
My little voice inside my head gets me miserable, depressed, biter and joyless.
Being my own self is just not good enough to me, always have to be better to feel like a somebody.
Well I guess it all comes back to your absence, not getting to say goodbye.
My little old friendly self is not so friendly anymore as I don’t talk about my feelings I keep it behind a closed door,
Yes this is intense, I wish it could not be this way but this is me which I am proud to say.
Getting through each day is a struggle for me but I know there is people worse out there and I wish it could not be.
If I could offer any advice for people out there I would say despite of what you’re going through, there is always somebody there.
The Distant Future
I’m closer now than I’ve ever been,
To what looks like my future.
The unrealistic appealing dream,
To change, yes, my future.
My world is evolving, day by day,
But my body parts they stay the same.
My clothes, my hair, my beard I cant grow,
They’re there, in my future.
The longing I hold, to stay young and not old,
Prevents me from grasping, a new physical mould.
With no unnecessary breast, just my own chest.
But with all this time, I feel this a crime.
To not pursue what I want.
Why am I holding this front?
Is she that more important?
Well, I suppose it’s apparent
That yes… she simply is.
I look at you so brave
I look at you staring at the grave
I know you looking
And I also know you are breaking down.
I’m here for you always and always will be
You’re my best friend and nothing can come between.
I know right now it doesn’t seem real but he will always be there in your dreams.
As from now I’ll always be here, when you’re their shredding a tear.
Ever since the phone rang that day
And I answered it And it was your best friend
Wanting to speak to mam I knew something was wrong.
I’ll never forget my younger sister
Watching her play outside the window
While mams face got pale on the phone
And the hours between the first phone call
And the second one that where filled with
A little hope and lots of fear
Of what will come.
And in the evening
When she asked me ‘is this real’
And I couldn’t even answer
And the day we saw you for the last time I couldn’t go into the room
I just stood in the door and couldn’t move.
Seeing your hand
The day of the funeral I didnt want to go
And mam was just trying to be strong
Ever since the phone rang that day I miss you more than I can say.
Individuality and Personality
You think you have to be like everyone else,
You don’t have to be skinny,
You don’t have to have fabulous hair,
You don’t have to have flawless skin,
You don’t have to be like everyone else,
It’s ok not to be skinny, have fabulous or have flawless skin
It’s not all about what on the outside
The inside counts too
So it’s ok not to be like everyone else
It’s not all about the looks
It’s all about individuality and personality
I want to be happy
I wished I was free
Of my own worries
And dreams of who I want to be
I want to do what I like
Whenever I do
Without having to justify
Myself or being like you
I want to be happy
I don’t want to care
What people think of me
I don’t think its fair
No one should be judged
For the things that they do
It does not affect you
Why bother to insult
Other peoples styles
It makes them doubt themselves
And you don’t gain any smiles
Just love the diversity
Admire the colours
They don’t judge you
Don’t you do it to others
Never be BeautifulI want to be able to see myself as Beautiful.
I want to be able to like myself.
I want people to like me for me, not for the way my body looks like.
I want to feel comfortable in my own skin.
I want to be able to be me without getting judging based on my weight.
As I do not see myself in anyway other the FAT,
I have a big problem when it comes to meeting boys. I have been called fat by boys before. I will always remember it.
It has mentally fucked me up.
I do wish that I could be more confident.
Thanks to society I cannot go out and feel beautiful or pretty or anything other than fat, ugly, whale. When people would complement me over my looks when I sometimes tell them how I’m feeling about the way I look I cannot believe them.
I wish I could but something inside says “no you’re not good enough you will never amount to anything, you will never be beautiful,
you will never be pretty, you will never ever be skinny”.
This is all down to society and its views of beauty.
Society is ugly…
Grace lee 🙂
Remember that day,
It was a frosty morning
You sat by that fire waiting for him
It would be hours till he got here
And by that time you’d be dreaming of
The bows and the ribbons on the boxes
That were to come in the A.M
Your were so full of excitement that
Your family were slightly frightened,
You made sure the carrots were fresh
For his arrivement
When you thought of it coming you couldn’t hold on
You burst into a fit of the giggles,
And grabbed your teddy, Wiggles
When your mum told to get to bed
Before he came,
You remember whats coming and find it hard to sleep
Forget the sheep, forget the rest
The only thing you’d be dreaming of was the snow in the morning,
When the sun came up to melt the ice
You ran down the stairs,
Quicker than mice,
It was finally here
Your favourite time of year,
Christmas had come and a new family member
The puppy leapt out of the box,
Bounding towards you,
It was love at first sight,
Do you remember what you called him?
How could you forget,
Charlie was his name,
The little retriever.
Don’t Leave Me
Whenever I saw you,
You lightened up my day.
Whenever you left,
I felt down inside.
We talked every night when you were over,
We laughed so hard we couldn’t breathe.
When I heard you were sick,
I broke down inside.
Whenever someone asked me was I okay,
I would say yes but I knew I wasn’t and,
I would run upstairs and cry for hours.
When you told me you wished,
You would rather be dead,
It killed me inside.
When I found out you were getting better,
I felt a sigh of relief and cried a little more.
I hate seeing you sick and you know I do.
You always say you want to be at my wedding,
I hope you are,
But we can’t say you will be there for definite.
I want you to stay with me,
Until I die, but I don’t think that will happen,
Becomes that the way the world sadly works.
I love you xx
Just Another Day
The damp dawn is here
It’s once again that time of year
Alone on the corner of the street
Thin layers wrapped around cold feet
From afar he watches the city wake
Dark inside, heavy heart about to break
Some of us just are not as lucky in life
This festive holiday replaced by strife
Of the Christmas happiness and love he is deprived
For him just another day on the calendar has arrived
I’ve seen better days,
But I’ve also seen worse.
There’s days I’m grateful for.
There’s days I’m hateful towards.
I don’t have everything I want,
But I do have everything I need.
I woke up with hurt and pain
but that’s natural I maintain.
My life may not be perfect
I’m living with invited guests,
But I guess I’m blessed.
When I was younger,
I always looked up to you,
You were there for me,
When my dad wasn’t,
Before my birthday,
You used to have a card for me early,
I waited every Saturday evening,
For you to walk in my door,
Until one Saturday you didn’t,
We got a phone call,
To say that you have passed on,
My heart broke into two,
I knew that this couldn’t be true,
I sat by your side when you passed away,
I didn’t want to let you go,
But now I know you’re not really gone,
I just have to keep holding on.
I always thought that life is tough,
I always thought that life ain’t great,
I always though that life is mad.
But, if you have that one friend,
No matter where and when will be with u,
The life is great when friends are there.
The life is fun when friends are with u,
No matter what and when they always there.
The life is fun the life is great, able to enjoy it
While you can, while you have friends the life is special.
Not everyone gets that opportunity to have them there.
Not everyone has friends who make the life to be a better place.
I always thought, that I got no friends,
I always thought that they not there,
But I was wrong… they are there…somewhere there.
It just takes time to find them there.
I always thought……
I love my friends I know they are there.
No matter when I ask for help they will help out,
I know my friends very well,
Witch one are fakes and witch one are real.
They are my friends no matter what,
And I will help them if they struggle through their life.
Friends are there to be with you,
Friends are there to cheer you up,
But not every friends is there for you.
We blame society for things that have happened,
The who, the what, the when, the why,
The different things we have been maddened by.
Yet we are society.
We blame society for drugs and drink,
Suicide attempts and not being ourselves,
On negative things we constantly dwell.
Yet we are society.
We blame society for never changing,
People everywhere constantly raging,
Yet we are society.
By Hayley Carroll
I was four when you walked out the door
You left me broken
My mother would stay unspoken
I would always ask ‘when will daddy be back?’
‘Later love’ so I waited, anticipated
Sometimes you visit, just for a couple minutes
You tell me you care, I look back with a blank stare
It is just the alcohol talking so I suggest you keep walking
Yes it’s still tough but I have had enough
I’m improving and moving on with life now
But it is you that I am removing
Life Is No Game
Delicate as a snowflake
Strong as a lion
But maybe if you read between the lines
Everything is not what it seems
But we were told to believe
Look around, feel the wind wrap itself around you
The comforting breath of a mother but what would I know
As hard as it may seem to stay strong
As hard as it may feel to say “I’m fine”
All the struggles to ignore the urges
All the deep breaths, don’t cry not here not ever
But you can’t keep it locked inside
The memories, the events you can’t remember because your brain didn’t want you to
That awful night, the pain of never knowing why?
Will it come back to haunt me?
The never ending pressure and the fake smiles
A dream burning brightly only to turn to dust
Dreams of a childhood that was never meant to be
House to house, trying not to trust but you must
Knowing that they never will treat you the same as family
Will the future be brighter?
Learning to laugh through the pain
Life is no game
But you have to face it
Or you’ll end up the same
Society today don’t take you as you are,
They take one look at you and try turn you around,
It’s okay to be yourself,
You don’t need to be like anyone else,
Just cause you’re not like the rest,
You’re the best,
Don’t let anyone tell you different,
Be individual, don’t live by anyone else’s principal.
THE BOOK ON THE SHELF
In life it’s hard to be yourself,
But you’re exactly like the book on the shelf,
Sitting there all alone,
Without a single groan.
Hard to express,
Constantly feeling so less.
He looks and sees all the other books,
But he’s nothing compared to those old crooks.
Always seem to be having fun,
I believe that the answer is in the stars.
The answer to what though, is what I fail to comprehend.
World peace, who we really are, what actually happened in Vegas.
The stars hold the key to the door that we don’t even know exists.
The problem is though,
There are too many stars and too many miles to travel,
Too lazy to connect the dots that are hidden in plain sight
Like the coyote and the Road Runner
We are just not knowing enough to envision that all we need to know is there
If we just look up.
So we just keep wishing on the same stars that we see,
The same stars that have always been there
The same stars that everyone has wished on
I will be counting and connecting the stars
And maybe I will realize that the problem isn’t that there is no answer
But that there are so many answers
When we just look up.
Why is it That…
Why is it that,
The parents are drunk but so are the kids,
They feel as if it is needed to fit in,
Why is it that,
Society these days are so fast to judge?
Judging a person does not define who they are
It defines who you are
We all deal with being unfairly judged
Why is it that
In our society we are pressured to receive the highest grade
That will just fade before the days end
A grade does not define a person
The information will get us through school but not through life
Why is it that
We blame society
Yet we are society
We have the power the change it
But we are not …..
Life isn’t all flowers and chocolates
It may be fun and full of games
There’s a beginning and there’s an end
There will be twists and bends
Its up to you to make it a good end.
I dream of a day with no pain
As I watch the rain go down the drain
I smile back when I look at the past
I knew the pain wouldn’t last
Time has passed and I’ve realised that
Life is a test but its up to you to
Make it the best and pass the test.
The Book on the Shelf
In life it’s hard to be yourself
But you’re exactly like the book on the shelf
Sitting there all alone
Without a single groan
Hard to express
Constantly feeling so less
He looks and sees all the other books
But he’s nothing compared to those old crooks.
Always seem to be having fun
He just wants to be handed a loaded gun.
I won’t get into the bath
The water is too cold
There’s something in the corner
EW! I think its mould.
When I’m in there I’m freezing
And I have nothing to do
All I hear from outside the door is
“I have to go to the loo!”
There’s water in my eyes and I can’t see
I’m not going into that bath again
You can’t make me!
I Loved Alone
He’s coming home for Christmas
How dare he dream to excite me
As he offers his forgiveness
With his ruthless personality.
With every hour that went by
My efforts to make our friendship grow
He didn’t even want to try
I loved, I loved alone.
Controlling Feelings is Hard
It can start with anything, or nothing at all
The way someone looks at me, can make me put up my wall.
I can’t control how I’ll react
I’ll struggle to make eye contact
I never notice my mood change
Until I see the looks people exchange
When I get angry and I don’t know why
Or I feel so exhausted that I’ll cry.
Often suddenly anxious or paranoid
Or I’ll zone out, stuck in a puzzling void
I’ll dismiss it as moodiness, or teenage hormones
But to be honest the actual reason’s unknown.
Elevated or deflated, it changes with the hour
Anxious or obnoxious, I can go from happy to sour.
I come up with excuse after another excuse,
So nobody notices enough to accuse.
Counsellors, teachers, family and friends,
None of them have helped this come to an end.
But it’s not their fault, because how could they know
When I don’t say a word about this puzzling woe.
And here I’m writing this now, in a classroom at school
With no reason or logic, just following rule after rule.
I lay in bed at night
Wishing everything would be alright
Tears streaming down my face
I’m a mental case.
Looking down at my skin
I take the safety pin
Press it hard against my wrist
Wishing that I could just cease to exist
Blood oozes slowly out of the slash
And in a dash
I put away the pin
My frown turns into a grin
Mental health is not a quip
It is not something very hip
And I just wanted to say
It does get better someday.
The Girl Next Door
I pass her everyday
She never really fails to say hello or hey
Other than that we don’t really talk
Just regard each other as we walk
I heard that she dropped from school
She found it hard, or it wasn’t cool
Lately she looks sick, and pale
And just I guess maybe, not okay
But she’s always as nice as she’s ever been
No strange looks, just a smile as sweet
Her friends had been talking
And I guess they fell out
Because they talked about how much she has changed
Without a reason, or even a remark explained
I didn’t take much notice or open my mouth
Just sat there quietly facing the ground.
The next day I walked my usual route
Waiting to say hello to the teenage beaut
I was almost home and no sign of her still
It was unusual, where could she be?
I pushed the door open and walked inside
My mother on the phone
“That little girl, she has died?”
I sat there waiting, looking for the news
She got off the phone looking rather blue
I sat there, and starred at the blank wall
And tried to figure out how we could have missed it all,
The guilt ran through my veins
No words to comfort, no sadness explained
I wish that I could have heard her once more
The tragic story
Of the girl next door.
The Night Out
The idea of a night isn’t worth it if your hand doesn’t contain a can
That your first problem: how will I get my drink
And not what will I wear
And this is all because it’s the “thing to do”
Although there are consequences
But not enough to stop some of you
The morning after a pounding head
No memories you say
All though you gossip about that girl or boy all of the next day.
It’s like a competition on who made the biggest fool of themselves
And everyone is pressured to take part
Although some of us are happy to go on a night out being ourselves
And not being controlled by the can
There looked down upon and told they’re “not fun”
But it’s to those people I am a fan.
Since you’re not popular, we will not give a f**k
You’re nothing but a zero, between us all.
We always see you bawl, along the school halls
but we don’t care since you’re not one of us.
We will not include you in any single group
since you’re profile doesn’t have the looks.
And don’t be surprised if one day you get a fright,
Because we have the power to change your life around.
You’re family’s just a joke who’s always on the dole
You’ll never reach a goal, you might as well go.
So please excuse me for everything I said
But that’s just the way it is
In our fair loving world.
Angel Like You
Never gave out when I was bold,
You always tucked me into bed
And when you left my heart it bled
I never knew how sick you were
It all seemed like a massive blur
I missed you for those 7 months
I missed your laugh
I missed your hugs
But now you’re back and I’m filled with joy
So happy I could almost cry
God clearly thinks your work is not done
Your smile it is second to none
I can almost see your halo
And I know that it is true
Because God only gives one
To an angel like you.
There’s litter all around the place
People walk by at a slow pace
They don’t pay attention
Because it’s never mentioned.
Nobody gives any aid
Because they’re not getting paid,
Every day I do my bit
I am not willing to quit.
There’s bins all around the paths
Can people not do the maths?
That if they don’t stop
We will all drop.
To the nine year old sister that I never had
My youngest best friend, that drove me mad.
Born with down syndrome, and big blue eyes
When you played your Nintendo you made a
You’re up with the angels now, leaving many
Broken hearts behind, there’s not a day that goes
Past that you’re not on my mind.
Someday we will definitely meet again
I don’t know how
I don’t know when.
When I was walking out of the room,
Seeing you for the very last time, I didn’t say goodbye,
Goodbye lasts forever so instead I said good night.
If you don’t get over 100 likes,
You’re not cool.
If you get over 600,
Apparently it makes the boys drool.
You won’t get ten likes if you have any weight
You have to have abs, boobs and an ass or else you’ll
Kids and Parents
Kids are weird,
They don’t have a beard.
Kids are wrong
They can’t have a bong.
Kids are loud
They don’t make parents proud.
Kids hate school
Cause it ain’t cool.
Kids can’t play
Cause it ain’t May.
Because they think they’re brave.
Kids have trouble
They like to play in rubble.
Kids are misunderstood,
But don’t think they should
Kids have it hard
Some parents aren’t around.
Parents need to stop and think
Or else they’ll make their poor kids sink.